Name: Theo Von & Jay Mohr on the NBA's China Controversy
Uploaded: 2019-10-24T23:21:42.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Theo Von & Jay Mohr on the NBA's China Controversy' from Theo Von Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2019-10-24. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Theo Von & Jay Mohr on the NBA's China Controversy' from Theo Von Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2019-10-24. Transcript available.

Are you watching any sports? Are you still watching hoops?
Yeah, well, the season's about to start.
What do you think of this Chinese fallout?
It's a tough hustle, man.
It's about the... Look, let's not... Let's call a spade a spade.
It's about the almighty dollar.
Yeah.
NBA's got billions of dollars rolling in.
They knew that going in.
Risky.
And that's how... They're not the first company...
No.
...to make inroads in China and go like,
eee, don't do that. We're making millions and billions of dollars.
Yeah.
And this was LeBron right here talking about it.
And LeBron is such a... Sorry, go on, Nick.
We all talk about this freedom of speech.
Yes, we all do have freedom of speech.
But at times, there are ramifications for the negative that can happen
when you're not thinking about others.
You're only thinking about yourself.
So I don't believe...
I don't want to get into a word or sentence feud with Daryl.
But I believe he wasn't educated on the situation at hand.
And he spoke.
And so many people could have been harmed.
Not only financially, but physically, emotionally, spiritually.
So just be careful what we tweet and we say and what we do.
Even though, yes, we do have freedom of speech,
but there can be a lot of negative that comes with that.
Ice-T, freedom of speech, just watch what you say.
It's hard once you...
He doesn't like Daryl Moret, that's for sure.
Once you become part of it, because it affected his bottom line.
He's all right.
Oh, he'll be fine.
Like if somebody...
If like Rob Palenka tweeted that, he wouldn't have that take.
If a Lakers guy tweeted that...
Right.
He wouldn't throw him under the fucking bus.
It's family.
But it's the guy from the Rockets.
Oh, that's a good point.
Oh, yeah.
Like if you're not educated on the issues, like what education do I need?
The fact that they're fighting for democracy?
Right.
Like, you know.
But he's right, though.
They could have been physically...
Like I know people in the Lakers organization that were concerned
that like they wanted him home.
Like let's...
Are they going to come home?
Right.
Are they going to come home?
Yeah.
One of my friends works for the NBA.
He was over there and he said the second that it all kind of went down,
that after that, they always felt watched after that.
Of course.
You know, when Nixon went to China and the motorcade from the airport
to whatever, like the Ambassador's Palace,
everybody on the street was an actor playing a person on the street.
Wow.
Isn't that amazing?
They didn't want anybody getting out of line.
They hired actors to be the guy with the newspaper walking to his car.
They had a lady with a baby that was an actress.
Like just Nixon looking out the window going,
we'll find people here.
Yeah.
They were all actors from that whole route.
You've all just prayed they're doing their roles okay.
Dude, China doesn't play, man.
I went to China last year.
Dude, China doesn't.
You did?
Yeah.
I went to Shanghai or something.
Or yeah, Shanghai.
Did you do comedy there?
Other areas, yeah.
Did comedy over there for a lot of expats, a lot of.
That's amazing, Theo.
Yeah.
It was pretty cool, man.
It was, it might have been a year and a half ago.
Wow.
But China doesn't play, dude.
China doesn't.
Bro, there was no white people.
There's nobody.
It's just Chinese people.
You can't go stay in China.
You can't show up in China with no papers and mill around.
China doesn't give a fuck.
Dude, I've said it before.
You walking down the street in China, you die, they make a soup out of you,
buddy.
You know?
And they do it gracefully, bro.
Now, there's love and there's a lot of like, you know, like, but they're moving
forward.
You know what I'm saying?
They're like, we're using you as nutrients.
We're going to go build, you know, do whatever we need to do.
You can't stop moving.
You're going to trample.
Install some windows or fucking.
Dude, you got people fucking blowing drywall with their own mouths, bro.
You know what I'm saying, bro?
You got people fucking.
Dude, you'll have one guy mixing asbestos and another guy's open mouth, bro.
They're not playing games over there, dude.
I think the easiest job in the world, because comedy is maybe one of the
hardest ones, right?
Police sketch artist in China.
That's got to be an easy job, you know?
I'll tell you the easiest job in the world, police sketch artist in China.
A guy comes in and goes, oh my God, Chinese police, help me.
I just got robbed.
And they go, hey, we got it.
Five, five, straight black hair, Marlboro Reds.
We got his photo, you know?
Oh my God, bro.
That's fucking awesome, man.
I could have just said it.
It's me.
Dude, it's all.
No, it's a, that's fucking great.
I'll say it as Colin.
I think like the easiest job in the world is probably police sketch artist in
China, you
know?
Some guy comes in with a straight, hey, Chinese policeman.
I just got robbed.
They're like, yeah, yeah.
We know who he is.
We're on the lookout.
Five, five, straight black hair, Marlboro Reds.
Smushed in those.
Okay, we thought he was an Italian with Down syndrome.
Maybe.
All right.
Well, you know, you know.
Or that could also be Jim Norton if he has to run to the airport in like an
hour and catch
his flight.
Because he gets a little more antsy when he has to go.
Either way, both of them are fucking immaculate.
Oh, my goodness.
What's this here, David?
This is, oh, it's like a strong area.
You know, we've been sitting here over an hour, you know?
What is this?
This big chunk of wood here.
This used to be a tree or something.
It was a table, Norm.
It was a table.
A what?
A table, like, you know, if you want to set things on stuff or you don't want
to hold
on to stuff all the time.
I may be an old chunk of coal here, you know?
And I may have been born at night, but I wasn't born last night.
But if I want to set things go, like emotional baggage or past relationships or
regret, I
don't see how this...
Well, what is it called now?
A table.
It's for...
A table?
Yeah.
Like, if you want to do a puzzle.
Well, I don't understand.
Was this wood?
Yeah, this is what it still is.
What kind of wood is your table?
I think maple.
Now, do you have to make a table out of a certain kind of wood or...
I'm fucking losing the impression.
No, it's good.
I'm struggling here.
I loved it, man.
I'm fucking as close as I ever got to know him.
I've asked him 40 times to come on here, so...
Well, you know, 47th time is the charm is what no one ever says, you know?
Do you think with these athletes getting back to the basketball, do you think
with these
athletes that...
LeBron is like a business, though.
It's not even like a person on the court anymore.
At a certain point, it's just, you're too big.
You can't do...
He can't say anything he wants to.
He's not making his own choices.
He usually does.
Yeah.
He's usually very outspoken.
Because the commissioner wanted the players to be available for the media in
China, but
the commissioner in the NBA hadn't had an official statement yet.
So, LeBron was the guy that led the players to say, whoa, whoa, whoa.
You haven't spoken to the media.
We didn't do anything wrong.
Right.
You addressed it.
We're not going to go talk to...
Get fed to the wolves.
So, like, that's LeBron's power.
Is they're like, okay, it's media day.
And LeBron's like, no, it's not.
We're not doing media because you have not spoken to the media.
You're the commissioner.
You're in charge.
Wow.
That's gravitas, man.
Yeah.
That's gravity.
Just today, the Chinese state broadcaster said Commissioner Adam Silver will
face retribution
sooner or later for saying that Beijing wanted him to fire Daryl Morey.
Like, you can't win with these folks.
Is this camera on right here?
Yes.
China.
Suck my dick.
I'll say it in Chinese.
Suck my dick.
Yeah.
Like, fucking relax, China.
Fucking stop.
China won't stop, dude.
I'm telling you, bro.
They're game.
Give us, yeah.
They're game.
Gameness.
Bro, they're game.
And when the dog goes in the cage, they fucking decorate, you know.
Me and you go to China.
We'll fucking clean house.
Chinese women, bro.
Dude, you can't, bro.
There's not even, you're not cleaning house over there, man.
Just making a joke.
Oh, yeah.
But China, like, there's going to be, how do they have retribution to the NBA
commissioner?
Like, they're going to fucking slap his neck when he's sleeping?
You know what they'll do?
They'll probably get three guys on each other's shoulders, put them in a, like,
a warm-up
outfit, get them onto a team, and just have them doing wild layups, and then.
I think we all know how the Chinese are going to have retribution to Adam
Silver, and that
is, of course, three words for Chow Yun Fat.
One fan raised 43,000, one Laker fan raised $43,000 to hand out Stand with Hong
Kong t-shirts
at the Lakers season opener.
Because Hong Kong's, like, the season opener?
That's coming up.
Not in China.
No, no, no, no, no.
Yeah, because they'd be in jail.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Yeah, it's interesting how it's like, um...
Well, I'm sorry.
He raised money to make fucking t-shirts?
Yeah, it was, he...
Send me and Theo your money, you creeps.
Fucking t-shirt man.
Yeah.
People gave him, how much?
43,000.
To make t-shirts?
Damn.
I would just keep the money.
That's $3 each?
Yeah.
It cost two bucks to make.
Fucking roofs.
How many people can even fit in the stand?
16,000?
20, 22, something.
So, yeah, they got taken.
But, it's just, wow.
I think everybody in the stand should be like this.
Ugh.
And do, like, every time there's a free throw, everybody just go like, da-da-da-da-da-fuito.
Like, every time there's a free throw, you see the audience, they're waving,
like, those
thunder sticks.
What if you just see, like, some guy goes to the line for a free throw, and you
see,
like, I don't know, like, 600 people, they're like, ooh, pulling their fucking
eyes back.
That's how you fuck with China.
The protesters might take offense to that, too.
That's a crazy thing, dude.
It's like...
I'm not a democracy or not.
That's my right to do it.
People are like...
It's their right to throw me out of Staples Center, too.
I'm not fucking doing it.
I'm a company man.
Dude, it's a...
I'm not fucking up my Lakers relationship.
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