Name: Why Theo Von Won't Quit Smoking
Uploaded: 2019-11-18T23:41:54.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Why Theo Von Won't Quit Smoking' from Theo Von Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2019-11-18. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Why Theo Von Won't Quit Smoking' from Theo Von Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2019-11-18. Transcript available.

You know, I find for myself, sometimes I stay with certain things because it
gives me an excuse.
I'm going to stay with this person that cheated on me because as long as I can
always remind them they cheated on me,
then that gives me a leg to stand on.
That makes me a little better than them.
Or I'm going to keep drinking or I'm going to keep smoking cigarettes because
as long as that's my problem,
and as long as I keep going in circles of trying to quit smoking or not smoking
or whatever,
as long as I keep that little problem going, I'll never have to deal with
whatever my real problem is.
As long as I keep this little goldfish in the bowl, I'll never even have to
really see what the shark is.
So I just keep bowing, yeah, I'm trying to quit, I quit for a few days, I'm
back, I quit, I'm back.
And sometimes it's like, I don't know if I even really want to quit.
Because if I quit that, if I quit, if I quit smoking, then I'm just going to
have to find,
then it's going to be whatever, what next?
I'm going to have to look at what's really going on with me.
You know, I'm going to have to fucking be Neil Armstrong and myself, man.
Not Lance, bro, Neil.
I ain't talking about that fucking nut boy with the cycle.
I'm talking about that fucking Spacey Daddy.
But you said now about getting over her, man.
I think the truth is, dude,
I think you are over her.
I think you just keep it around because you don't want to keep, you don't want
to move forward.
And that's just a guess, bro.
And that's kind of messed up of me to say that.
And I'm just guessing like by your tone and stuff.
But also, man, I'm just saying that because I can relate.
You know, I used to pine over girls all the time for this and that.
And the truth was, I didn't really even probably care about them anymore.
I was just afraid to man up and fucking live my life.
I was too lazy or too stagnant or too something
to fucking just say, hey, that's that.
Let's go.
You know, I created this fake breeze that was just pushing against me then.
But I was operating the wind machine secretly on the side.
And I don't have, you know.
It's like, oh, man, I can barely make it through this, through this wind.
But as long as I every now and then reach over and crank up the fucking.
Crank up the wind machine, the fan, then the wind will just keep coming.
I'm making my own damn bullshit.
So anyway, man, I wish you luck.
And really, what I really wish you, man, is the same thing that I wish myself
sometimes, confidence.
Confidence to say, hey, you know what, enough.
Enough of that.
And let's get going, huh?
Wow, you know what's crazy is my sister can't even read.
But what does it have to do with us right now?
Hope you enjoyed that video.
And you can watch another.
And you can watch this one.
You can watch this one.
Different options, different choices.
Some guy just brings you one option.
Not this guy.
Two options.
Watch one.
This one or this one.