Name: Bryce Mitchell Rear Naked Choked Out A Deer To Death | Theo Von
Uploaded: 2019-12-20T14:00:00.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Bryce Mitchell Rear Naked Choked Out A Deer To Death | Theo Von' from Theo Von Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2019-12-20. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Bryce Mitchell Rear Naked Choked Out A Deer To Death | Theo Von' from Theo Von Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2019-12-20. Transcript available.

instagram was because of squirrel pictures they started taking down my squirrel
pictures oh yeah
i know so i said now why is that so instagram took it down just because you put
it up as a meat as a
yeah as a edible yeah and it's like dude they say cruelty to animals yeah that's
fucking insane if
you if you need the animal if you're eating the animal to live or you're eating
the animal that's
what i'm saying and you know people post pictures of cheeseburgers yeah and steaks
and all this
guess what you know i don't care what kind of world you live in a fucking
fantasy world uh they
fucking killed a cow to get that steak to get that burger not only did they
kill it i killed them
squirrels in about two seconds and they lived a natural life and how do you
kill them rear naked
choke what do you do with them well if it's a deer i'd rear naked choke
actually i'd love to see you
get on that little squirrel with that real small fucking arm bar him man uh
last uh deer i killed
i rear naked choked it man yeah i didn't i didn't even shoot it i mean no
bullshit and did you sneak
up on it yeah it was a doe sleeping i caught it was a about a three hour ordeal
you know i was sitting
up in a deer stand i called this doe and everybody says the doe was retarded or
had some cwd i'm
telling you it's perfectly healthy doe i just got its ass you know i just i
waited i was patient and i
got really lucky it wasn't just so much skill it was a lot of luck but uh what
happened is i was
calling in this doe and uh lays down in front of me goes to sleep and i shoot
at it with my crossbow
and i missed and it only had one bolt and it didn't it didn't move it well it
got up and looked
around it like looked it but them crossbows it's not like a gun it just sounds
like a branch breaking
you know so it got up and it looked around and went right back to sleep oh lazy
huh yeah lazy man
and sunday or must have been a day off dude it's just my lucky day man i was i
was just meant to
get that deer i'm telling you because i just had the feeling i was like i
visualized getting it because
it was like i said i called it in for three hours and i really had to piss and
i really had there was
this little protein cookie sitting right by me in the deer stand i knew i
wanted to take a piss and i
want to eat that cookie yeah i was like man if you piss that deer's gonna smell
it if you reach for
that cookie the wrapper's gonna make a noise i was like you can just so for
three hours i'm sitting
there just staring at this deer not moving it's cold i finally shoot and i miss
and dude is most
disappointed feeling ever and i instantly thought man this deer's gonna get
away i didn't get no meat
on my table and when it went back to sleep then how did you make that move i
thought well i'm gonna
try some crazy shit and and i started making my way down down to the deer i
started making my way
down to deer stand you tiptoe you rollerblade bro bro i'm that's the definition
of tiptoeing i'm
walking like i mean on the tops yeah yeah well i uh i get halfway down to deer
stand i start thinking
why don't i just grab my hatchet because i could chop it but i'm already
halfway down deer stand so
you're not going back too late yeah and then i start thinking you know what i'm
better with my bare
hands because that's what i do for a living so i start thinking okay i'm gonna
get this doe
and uh there's a dead tree pointing at it so that did it was probably about 35
yards away 40 yards
away when i started there's a dead tree pointing at it so i walked the whole
length of that dead tree
you know that no noise at all right real quiet real couldn't hear me yeah i
mean nothing could hear me
so now i'm up close to it when i got to the end of that dead tree i'm like from
here to that that
window away from it i'm thinking i'm gonna get this fucking deer there's no i
take my gloves off
because i had on big thick gloves but when you get that close you can't yeah
you gotta you're gonna
have to have straight on the hand that's when the reality set in it's like i'm
not just trying
to do this shit i'm about to get my hands on it right so i take my gloves off
you can't go up
there all fucking just soft mitt no no you want the grip yeah you know so i
take my gloves off i'm
like dude this shit's getting real and that's when my adrenaline was just like
it felt like a fight
like a literal and he's still asleep yeah she it's a she but yeah yeah she's
sleeping uh completely
does that change your vibe any that it's a man or a woman you're about to
attack
no it's all it's all meat i wouldn't attack a small one but just because it's
uh uh it has
potential to grow bigger so you could harvest that meat later oh i see what you're
saying i have no
you know you're killing something either way whether it's a male or female and
i don't i'm not even into
the the trophy hunting i really don't care if it's the biggest buck in the
world if somebody asked
would you rather have the biggest buck ever some 12 pointer or you know three
does yeah i'll take
three does there's more meat you know i'm really just there for the meat and uh
so then i it was a
wet day it rained all day before and so if you're especially if you're squirrel
hunting or something
that's the best that best time to do it is when it's damp outside them leaves
don't crunch
you know so then it fell asleep then to make it even more lucky like i said it
was meant to be it
wasn't just because of my skill it was god was giving that shit to me he was he
wanted that that food on
table he wanted me to get to have that experience and uh the the deer fell
asleep on a game trail
so it fell asleep on a on a damp day on a game trail and on the game trail that's
where all these
other deer were walking so they've already crunched the leaves for me oh so it's
like there's hardly
any leaves there the few leaves that there are it's wet this deer cannot hear
me it's a layup this is
this is a fucking setup you know i'm saying this deer got set up you're
thinking chris hansen
might pop out from one of these trees you're like oh well dude uh i get up
there on the deer
i mean it didn't i didn't make a noise man it was perfect conditions and then
uh i text my coach
i had my phone in my pocket i straddled the deer when i straddled the deer that's
when i text my coach
and it's still asleep still asleep and you're texting i'm texting i'm texting
and the only reason i
i was texting my coaches because i really thought that doe might get up and whoop
my ass it's about
100 something 100 plus pound doe is those fuckers are strong man and you can
close your postmates app at
that point dude because you're fucking about to you're about to eat oh yeah
well i texted my coach
i texted him help help and run and uh because i didn't want to explain to him
hey i'm about to choke
out a deer like he would be like yeah it's a lot it's a lot so i have a deer
emoji i don't know if
they have that they do they do they do well i just text him help help run
because i want him thinking
i'm about to die right so he gets there quickly as possible so right after i
sent the text he said okay
uh and shit i hopped on that deer i couldn't get my right hand in because the
way it was laying it's
laying on its right side so i choked it with my my weaker arm uh with with
choking i put my left arm
on it and uh wrapped my ankles you know did a did the standard little ankle
ankle lock you know i
couldn't do a body triangle so i just crossed my ankles and squeezed every
living shit out of it
just squeezed it for about five minutes till my coach got there and did it feel
good or bad well
the thing was kicking so hard that i thought it was alive when he got there and
i thought that the
fucker was gonna get away you know i really did i mean it was just convulsing
and twitching so hard
i couldn't i couldn't control its back legs at all i had its front legs pretty
good with my legs around
them uh and my knees was pinching so its front legs i felt good about and you
know i had it by the head
but them back legs dude they're just kicking up dirt just panicking just
kicking up muds flying oh yeah
like a fucking angry baseball coach yeah and and so coach comes over and he's
like uh what are you
doing he says what are you doing because because and i already know what he's
thinking in his head
so i didn't even try to i said i didn't fucking shoot it because he i already
know what he thinks
you shot you over here just fucking around i said i didn't fucking shoot it and
he goes what i said
i swear to god i didn't shoot it i said i swear to god he said you're kidding i
said i swear to god
stab this motherfucker he's gonna get away because i and my my arm was cramping
i mean i was squeezing
it for five minutes and this thing is just kicking as hard as it was when i
first it didn't slow down
it was just not a bit not a bit and you had to expect it was going to start to
slow down huh
yeah it didn't so i know where its windpipe is or anything i mean oh yeah right
here okay just same
same and that's where you're on it i'm on it yeah i'm on its throat i mean i'm
on it just
i mean i've i've finished most of my fights with rear naked choke so you know
if there's one thing i
can finish it's that damn rear naked choke and i'm doing it just like i should
but i'm just like
shit this thing is tough as shit you can't choke a deer you know and uh he said
what do you want me to do
you never see deers choking each other yeah and so i'm like uh you know stab
stab him quick stab her
stab her and uh and he stabbed her well he said i don't got my knife i said run
up to the deer stand
get my hatchet because my hatchet was in deer stand the one that i forgot so he
runs up there runs back
and he finally goes to chop its neck and when i let go that deer was dead
because the head went limp
even though the body was twitching the head went completely limp and it was
like
you know made like a a moan that started out high but then ended up it's like
you know like that was its last bit of air coming out of the lungs so i already
knew that the
then he chopped its neck anyway just to make sure that it was dead but uh yeah
but while i was choking
i really thought the deer was alive i didn't know till i let go that i already
killed it damn so it
could have been dead that whole time it probably probably was after about two
minutes damn bro that's
almost like a rodeo a little bit at that point it was wild man i'd pay money to
see that that dead deer
riding yeah fairback dead deer riding i'd watch it the shit was wild but and i
know people are going
to be hating on me these animal cruelty people hey that's the best way if you're
a deer you you want
me to choke you to death every time because let me tell you what these deer uh
they die no matter what
no matter if i choke them or coyotes eat them or they get old and and you know
hit by cart they're
gonna die and that's the most painless way to die that deer is probably
unconscious trust me i've been
choked out a lot okay that deer is probably unconscious in about seven seconds
and it was waking
up from a nap can you imagine waking up from a nap and then just basically
going right back to i mean
you're not even gonna know what's going on yeah you're barely awake you're like
what was that
and then you're going to heaven yeah and i mean i sat there man and uh like i
said god wanted me to
have that meat i sat there i said lay up man that's what i'm saying man it god
put that deer there for
me i said a prayer i was like i said thank you for right before i took the shot
in my head i said god
thank you for giving this meat to me my family needs it i'm gonna you know put
it towards me the kids
girl we're all gonna eat good off this deer thank you so much i'm so grateful i
take the shot and miss
god said you're gonna have to work harder than that dang bro yeah i said look
man shit ain't easy out
here buddy yeah oh man that's a beautiful story wow you know what's crazy is my
sister can't even
read but what does it have to do with us right now hope you enjoyed that video
and you can watch another
and you can watch this one you can watch this one different options different
choices some guy just
brings you one option not this guy two options watch one this one or this one

Bryce Mitchell Rear Naked Choked Out A Deer To Death | Theo Von

instagram was because of squirrel pictures they started taking down my squirrel
pictures oh yeah
i know so i said now why is that so instagram took it down just because you put
it up as a meat as a
yeah as a edible yeah and it's like dude they say cruelty to animals yeah that's
fucking insane if
you if you need the animal if you're eating the animal to live or you're eating
the animal that's
what i'm saying and you know people post pictures of cheeseburgers yeah and steaks
and all this
guess what you know i don't care what kind of world you live in a fucking
fantasy world uh they
fucking killed a cow to get that steak to get that burger not only did they
kill it i killed them
squirrels in about two seconds and they lived a natural life and how do you
kill them rear naked
choke what do you do with them well if it's a deer i'd rear naked choke
actually i'd love to see you
get on that little squirrel with that real small fucking arm bar him man uh
last uh deer i killed
i rear naked choked it man yeah i didn't i didn't even shoot it i mean no
bullshit and did you sneak
up on it yeah it was a doe sleeping i caught it was a about a three hour ordeal
you know i was sitting
up in a deer stand i called this doe and everybody says the doe was retarded or
had some cwd i'm
telling you it's perfectly healthy doe i just got its ass you know i just i
waited i was patient and i
got really lucky it wasn't just so much skill it was a lot of luck but uh what
happened is i was
calling in this doe and uh lays down in front of me goes to sleep and i shoot
at it with my crossbow
and i missed and it only had one bolt and it didn't it didn't move it well it
got up and looked
around it like looked it but them crossbows it's not like a gun it just sounds
like a branch breaking
you know so it got up and it looked around and went right back to sleep oh lazy
huh yeah lazy man
and sunday or must have been a day off dude it's just my lucky day man i was i
was just meant to
get that deer i'm telling you because i just had the feeling i was like i
visualized getting it because
it was like i said i called it in for three hours and i really had to piss and
i really had there was
this little protein cookie sitting right by me in the deer stand i knew i
wanted to take a piss and i
want to eat that cookie yeah i was like man if you piss that deer's gonna smell
it if you reach for
that cookie the wrapper's gonna make a noise i was like you can just so for
three hours i'm sitting
there just staring at this deer not moving it's cold i finally shoot and i miss
and dude is most
disappointed feeling ever and i instantly thought man this deer's gonna get
away i didn't get no meat
on my table and when it went back to sleep then how did you make that move i
thought well i'm gonna
try some crazy shit and and i started making my way down down to the deer i
started making my way
down to deer stand you tiptoe you rollerblade bro bro i'm that's the definition
of tiptoeing i'm
walking like i mean on the tops yeah yeah well i uh i get halfway down to deer
stand i start thinking
why don't i just grab my hatchet because i could chop it but i'm already
halfway down deer stand so
you're not going back too late yeah and then i start thinking you know what i'm
better with my bare
hands because that's what i do for a living so i start thinking okay i'm gonna
get this doe
and uh there's a dead tree pointing at it so that did it was probably about 35
yards away 40 yards
away when i started there's a dead tree pointing at it so i walked the whole
length of that dead tree
you know that no noise at all right real quiet real couldn't hear me yeah i
mean nothing could hear me
so now i'm up close to it when i got to the end of that dead tree i'm like from
here to that that
window away from it i'm thinking i'm gonna get this fucking deer there's no i
take my gloves off
because i had on big thick gloves but when you get that close you can't yeah
you gotta you're gonna
have to have straight on the hand that's when the reality set in it's like i'm
not just trying
to do this shit i'm about to get my hands on it right so i take my gloves off
you can't go up
there all fucking just soft mitt no no you want the grip yeah you know so i
take my gloves off i'm
like dude this shit's getting real and that's when my adrenaline was just like
it felt like a fight
like a literal and he's still asleep yeah she it's a she but yeah yeah she's
sleeping uh completely
does that change your vibe any that it's a man or a woman you're about to
attack
no it's all it's all meat i wouldn't attack a small one but just because it's
uh uh it has
potential to grow bigger so you could harvest that meat later oh i see what you're
saying i have no
you know you're killing something either way whether it's a male or female and
i don't i'm not even into
the the trophy hunting i really don't care if it's the biggest buck in the
world if somebody asked
would you rather have the biggest buck ever some 12 pointer or you know three
does yeah i'll take
three does there's more meat you know i'm really just there for the meat and uh
so then i it was a
wet day it rained all day before and so if you're especially if you're squirrel
hunting or something
that's the best that best time to do it is when it's damp outside them leaves
don't crunch
you know so then it fell asleep then to make it even more lucky like i said it
was meant to be it
wasn't just because of my skill it was god was giving that shit to me he was he
wanted that that food on
table he wanted me to get to have that experience and uh the the deer fell
asleep on a game trail
so it fell asleep on a on a damp day on a game trail and on the game trail that's
where all these
other deer were walking so they've already crunched the leaves for me oh so it's
like there's hardly
any leaves there the few leaves that there are it's wet this deer cannot hear
me it's a layup this is
this is a fucking setup you know i'm saying this deer got set up you're
thinking chris hansen
might pop out from one of these trees you're like oh well dude uh i get up
there on the deer
i mean it didn't i didn't make a noise man it was perfect conditions and then
uh i text my coach
i had my phone in my pocket i straddled the deer when i straddled the deer that's
when i text my coach
and it's still asleep still asleep and you're texting i'm texting i'm texting
and the only reason i
i was texting my coaches because i really thought that doe might get up and whoop
my ass it's about
100 something 100 plus pound doe is those fuckers are strong man and you can
close your postmates app at
that point dude because you're fucking about to you're about to eat oh yeah
well i texted my coach
i texted him help help and run and uh because i didn't want to explain to him
hey i'm about to choke
out a deer like he would be like yeah it's a lot it's a lot so i have a deer
emoji i don't know if
they have that they do they do they do well i just text him help help run
because i want him thinking
i'm about to die right so he gets there quickly as possible so right after i
sent the text he said okay
uh and shit i hopped on that deer i couldn't get my right hand in because the
way it was laying it's
laying on its right side so i choked it with my my weaker arm uh with with
choking i put my left arm
on it and uh wrapped my ankles you know did a did the standard little ankle
ankle lock you know i
couldn't do a body triangle so i just crossed my ankles and squeezed every
living shit out of it
just squeezed it for about five minutes till my coach got there and did it feel
good or bad well
the thing was kicking so hard that i thought it was alive when he got there and
i thought that the
fucker was gonna get away you know i really did i mean it was just convulsing
and twitching so hard
i couldn't i couldn't control its back legs at all i had its front legs pretty
good with my legs around
them uh and my knees was pinching so its front legs i felt good about and you
know i had it by the head
but them back legs dude they're just kicking up dirt just panicking just
kicking up muds flying oh yeah
like a fucking angry baseball coach yeah and and so coach comes over and he's
like uh what are you
doing he says what are you doing because because and i already know what he's
thinking in his head
so i didn't even try to i said i didn't fucking shoot it because he i already
know what he thinks
you shot you over here just fucking around i said i didn't fucking shoot it and
he goes what i said
i swear to god i didn't shoot it i said i swear to god he said you're kidding i
said i swear to god
stab this motherfucker he's gonna get away because i and my my arm was cramping
i mean i was squeezing
it for five minutes and this thing is just kicking as hard as it was when i
first it didn't slow down
it was just not a bit not a bit and you had to expect it was going to start to
slow down huh
yeah it didn't so i know where its windpipe is or anything i mean oh yeah right
here okay just same
same and that's where you're on it i'm on it yeah i'm on its throat i mean i'm
on it just
i mean i've i've finished most of my fights with rear naked choke so you know
if there's one thing i
can finish it's that damn rear naked choke and i'm doing it just like i should
but i'm just like
shit this thing is tough as shit you can't choke a deer you know and uh he said
what do you want me to do
you never see deers choking each other yeah and so i'm like uh you know stab
stab him quick stab her
stab her and uh and he stabbed her well he said i don't got my knife i said run
up to the deer stand
get my hatchet because my hatchet was in deer stand the one that i forgot so he
runs up there runs back
and he finally goes to chop its neck and when i let go that deer was dead
because the head went limp
even though the body was twitching the head went completely limp and it was
like
you know made like a a moan that started out high but then ended up it's like
you know like that was its last bit of air coming out of the lungs so i already
knew that the
then he chopped its neck anyway just to make sure that it was dead but uh yeah
but while i was choking
i really thought the deer was alive i didn't know till i let go that i already
killed it damn so it
could have been dead that whole time it probably probably was after about two
minutes damn bro that's
almost like a rodeo a little bit at that point it was wild man i'd pay money to
see that that dead deer
riding yeah fairback dead deer riding i'd watch it the shit was wild but and i
know people are going
to be hating on me these animal cruelty people hey that's the best way if you're
a deer you you want
me to choke you to death every time because let me tell you what these deer uh
they die no matter what
no matter if i choke them or coyotes eat them or they get old and and you know
hit by cart they're
gonna die and that's the most painless way to die that deer is probably
unconscious trust me i've been
choked out a lot okay that deer is probably unconscious in about seven seconds
and it was waking
up from a nap can you imagine waking up from a nap and then just basically
going right back to i mean
you're not even gonna know what's going on yeah you're barely awake you're like
what was that
and then you're going to heaven yeah and i mean i sat there man and uh like i
said god wanted me to
have that meat i sat there i said lay up man that's what i'm saying man it god
put that deer there for
me i said a prayer i was like i said thank you for right before i took the shot
in my head i said god
thank you for giving this meat to me my family needs it i'm gonna you know put
it towards me the kids
girl we're all gonna eat good off this deer thank you so much i'm so grateful i
take the shot and miss
god said you're gonna have to work harder than that dang bro yeah i said look
man shit ain't easy out
here buddy yeah oh man that's a beautiful story wow you know what's crazy is my
sister can't even
read 