Name: Theo Von Talks Greyhound
Uploaded: 2020-02-10T21:00:02.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Theo Von Talks Greyhound' from Theo Von Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2020-02-10. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Theo Von Talks Greyhound' from Theo Von Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2020-02-10. Transcript available.

What else? We had that, uh, that Conor McGregor, he hit up that Greyhound
station.
And a lot of people, you know, I put, you know, put a video on Instagrams
and people were excited about it and commenting and this and that.
And people saying this about Greyhound and this about Greyhound
and saying, dude, you don't know what you're talking about.
Some people, well, guess what?
I, I, I have gone Greyhound.
While some of you guys were in the Cub Scouts or the Boy Scouts
and y'all were in the woods, you know, making fucking, you know,
little dog cages out of vines and, you know, little damn, uh, bamboo mailboxes
and shit.
Your boy right here was on that Greyhound.
And I used to take that thing up to Natchez, Mississippi and work on my buddy's
farm.
And, and look, if you, you know, people upset Conor McGregor threw a hand truck
at a bus window and broke it out.
Well, guess what, man?
I've thought about it.
That shit happens on Greyhound.
If you, if you, you know what happens on Greyhound?
Pregnancies, menthol, um, no outlets, urine, that, that Nile, bro.
If you've been on that all night trip, the bus driver one time, he, first time
he dozes off,
he slams on the brakes when he wakes up because he's about to hit something.
And that, that big slam, that's when that toilet does that splash and it breaches
its bounds.
And next thing you know, that Nile, that Greyhound Nile, bro, everybody's
problems.
It might have a needle in it.
It might have a, you know, a little bitty abortion in it.
That thing comes, and I know that's gross, but that's the fucking hound, boy.
That is the hound.
That is the sewer.
That is the, I mean, it's what we are really.
You know, it's that gutter right under us, and that's that hound.
And this, and that thing comes rolling right down the aisle, and you better
have your bags and your legs clear.
Man, you'll catch a disease out of that thing.
You know, you'll wake up with pink eye in your butthole.
That's the kind of, I mean, that's what you can get on the hound.
And things happen on there.
So, and I want to say this, if you have a Greyhound buster, I want to do a full
Greyhound episode.
Because I'm sick of people thinking that the, you know, that everything's safe
on the hound.
Because I'll be honest, I troll.
I troll the Greyhound buster help Twitter feed.
And I'm on there, you know, I'll troll them at night.
And find people that's saying, um, excuse me, you know, Mr. Sherman took us two
hours off the route to go visit his ex.
To go visit a lady he met out there in Tupelo.
Well, guess what, motherfucker?
That's the hound.
You think shit ain't gonna happen on Greyhound?
What do you think?
You think you're in Italy?
Things aren't real French on Greyhound.
Things aren't real French.
Things are a little bit more Amsterdam, a little bit more Haiti.
You know, a little bit more Kingston.
You're not getting French on Greyhound.
People ain't, nobody's fucking with champagne.
Nobody can spell champagne.
Greyhound is where things go off.
You could catch a fucking gram.
You know, Greyhound is where, you know, sometimes the driver pull over, fucking
leave y'all.
Because he got to make a court date.
And that's the kind of shit that happens.
So if you have a Greyhound story, because so many of them came in on my
Instagram feed and on my Facebook feed.
I'm going to put together a full Greyhound episode.
So if you have a Greyhound story that happened to you, I want you to hit the
hotline.
I'm going to do the biggest, baddest G-hound breakdown that's ever hit America.
And not to mention the only one.
Because I've been on Greyhound, man.
Nobody took me to here and dropped me off there.
I took Hound.
Okay.
I've had a dude come up to me on Greyhound and say, look, but he's like, look,
man.
I need, I'm going to, he goes, look, man.
I'm going to blow you or I'm going to suck your dick.
And I was like, dude, that's the same thing, bruh.
And you're an idiot.
And no.
Because I've been on there, man.
I've seen a dude get on there just fresh out of prison.
Buy two grams of cocaine on the bus.
And by the next stop, get arrested and taken back to prison.
Dude was out of jail.
He'd been in jail, I think, for about 11 years.
And he was out of jail for about 28 minutes.
Until we hit near Vicksburg.
And then that man went back.
And that's the Hound, baby.
You buy a wig.
You buy a stepchild.
You buy whatever you want.
So hit the hotline if you've got a Greyhound story.
985-664-9503.
And this past weekend is going to put together the baddest, biggest Greyhound
episode ever.
I'm going to try to get a former driver in here if we can.
And see what's what.
But thank you all for going Hound.
And you can find some of my tweets on Twitter.
Hashtag, thanks for going, G-O-I-N, Hound.
And you can see that I've been following Hound.
But people are expecting Conor.
People ain't going to get pissed off at a Greyhound station.
Everybody's pissed.
Go to a Greyhound station right now.
I'll tell you nine things you'll see.
You will see adult men trying to breastfeed each other.
You'll see somebody drinking a can of Similac, a lady, and she's fighting with
somebody on the phone.
You will see somebody cleaning jelly off of some barrettes.
100% you'll see that, bro.
You will also see somebody, if you go outside of the Greyhound, look across the
street, you'll see somebody probably lying dead out in front of a building.
If you go to Greyhound right now, you go in the bathroom, you will see that
somebody has changed the locks and is probably living in there.
If you go to Greyhound right now, you will see that customer, the people at the
front desk, don't give a fuck about you.
They don't care.
They don't want to be there.
They don't give a shit.
And you will see them talk shit to you no matter what.
If you go to Greyhound, you will see a lot of people that have just gotten out
of prison or that have a newborn.
And those are the things you'll see, man.
Thank you guys for checking out this clip.
And if you want to see another clip, then you can look at this clip or this
clip.
Either one of these.
So did you pick one or are you still just watching me do this because this is
alarming?