Name: Theo Von on Romance
Uploaded: 2020-02-19T19:00:13.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Theo Von on Romance' from Theo Von Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2020-02-19. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Theo Von on Romance' from Theo Von Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2020-02-19. Transcript available.

I almost cut the lights off in the studio tonight.
You know, because it's, you know, I'm making this, it's nighttime.
And this is going to be ready for you guys in a few hours.
But I almost cut the lights off, man, because some of them I like feeling that
romance, boy.
And the funny thing is, I notice even if I cut the lights off, even if I'm by
myself,
I can feel like a little bit of romance.
You know, I can feel like a little bit of romance kind of come just kind of
just tickling my tits a little, you know.
Like I just, like you, try this, man.
If you put on, put a shawl around your neck, you know, put like a soft cloth
around your neck.
Or even if you can't afford a soft cloth or a shawl or a, you know, a scarf,
nothing heavy.
Don't get one of those heavy-ass scarves.
You know, don't show up in a heavy, you look like an idiot.
I'd go two soft scarves before I'd go one heavy scarf.
You know, one heavy scarf, that's some Amistad type shit.
You know, those days are over.
Okay?
Go two soft scarves and give us free.
But I love, if you put on, and if you don't have a scarf, get you some paper
towels.
Get you, like, about nine paper towels or eight paper towels in a row.
Okay?
Take your shirt off.
You know, take your shirt off.
If you are a man or a woman, take your shirt off.
All right?
It doesn't matter.
You know, some people have chests.
Some people have tits.
You know?
Tits is just fat chest.
That's all that is.
You know?
And chest is just lean tits.
That's, you know.
And some people have either one.
You know, my mother had them A-cups, them baby A's.
And so I didn't see a lot of tit around the house, even if, you know, even if
sometimes,
you know, sometimes when you're growing up, if you're a child and your mother
have nice
breasts, you get that free, that free visual.
You know, you get that, oh, okay.
You know?
Even though it's your mother, you know, you're not being like that, but you
still get that
hit.
But my mother had them A-cups, you know?
So it was more, you know, it wasn't as, I didn't get those voluptuous visuals
around
the house.
But what I'm saying is this, you know, is that romance can be achieved even by
oneself.
Everybody thinking, oh, I got to have somebody to be romantic.
You know, I got to meet somebody on the internet and, you know, and meet up
with them somewhere,
you know, in a parking lot or something to be romantic.
Well, that's bullshit.
Those are the old days.
You know, nowadays, here's something you can do around your house, even if you're
alone.
Cut the lights down.
Put a few candles around your house.
Don't put a bunch of candles, okay?
Especially if you don't use candles a lot, because you're somebody that's going
to probably
burn to death.
So just use a couple of candles, you know, put them around and then get you
them, um, if you put on a long, a soft scarf or even two really soft scarves or
get you a long string of paper towels, put that around your neck.
And now just kind of glide around your house a little bit.
Make sure the children are asleep or whatever, you know.
Put a couple candles and just kind of like, you know, lean against a wall
somewhere and be like, oh, fancy seeing you here.
You know, or open the refrigerator and just take a head off that coolness.
Feel that, you know, feel that cold air just fucking tickle your titty ends.
You know, you can make romance wherever you want.
Just be like, oh, what was that?
In the distance.
Even if it was nothing.
Even if it was just a puppy over there touching his little dick or something
with his paw or scratching himself.
You know what I'm saying?
You can make romance wherever.
Everybody acts like we got to do this or got to do that to make romance, but
you can make your own romance.
And that's something that I'm starting to realize in my life.
That just because maybe if I don't have love in my life at some point, it doesn't
mean that I can't create romance in my life.
You could do something nice for yourself.
Get you a couple of them, uh, you know.
Valentine's is over.
They got a good deal on chocolates out there.
Go get out there and get a 40 pack of chocolates, man.
And you can get those.
Have you two or three.
Give some to a neighbor.
Now suddenly you eating chocolates with someone.
You know, you can make your own romance.
And I'm not saying that I'm not trying to get people to be alone.
I don't want people to be alone.
You know, we got this world right now that's just pushing us to be alone.
They just advertise and everything.
You know, do you, do you, do you.
With everybody doing themselves in this.
And then you got no friends.
You got no friends.
You don't have anybody to borrow a shirt from or anybody to borrow some sugar
from.
But if you happen to be by yourself, that doesn't mean that you can't have a
little bit of romance in your life.
You know, I do different things.
Sometimes I'll put my pants in the dryer and then put them on my legs.
What is that?
Ooh.
Daddy got them hot sticks hanging off his hips now.
You can treat yourself to different things.
You can do different things for yourself to get that romance.
And this is the time of year to do it.
You know, because spring is in the air.
They got that love.
They got that nest.
You know, if you get outside early or something, you'll hear birds in the
distance.
You know, fucking or even just, you know, petting each other heavily.
You know, you'll hear baby birds out there waiting for that worm.
You know, you can see even some hookers are out there.
Even hookers are happy in the spring.
You ever notice that?
Oh, you get a wintertime hooker.
You know what I'm saying?
You get that December escort.
That lady ain't fired up.
She ain't excited about the potential blowjob money that could be headed her
way.
But you get out here, you know, you know, you get out here at these times and
ladies are fired up.
You know, if they're working out in the streets, even ladies are fired up
because it's springtime and love is in the air.
But I'm trying to create some romance for myself, you know.
I'm trying to create some romance because we have to do it.
You know, you go through times in your life where, you know, I feel you go
through times in your life where you don't have that love.
Where you get into bed at night and you just kick your legs out across the
other side of the bed and there's nobody there.
You know, it's just you just swimming out there like that Nirvana baby in that
album cover.
You're just swimming out there.
You know, and you want somebody.
You want to have that other, you know, you want to have a little bit of love in
your life.
But that doesn't mean you can't be romantic.
You know, you can still do romance a little bit.
And that's one thing I would do from time to time is I would, you know, wear
something kind of sexy.
Even for a man.
You know, everybody acts like only women can have sexy clothing or do something
sexy.
But a man can wear sexy stuff.
You know, you could wear some really large pants or something.
Well, thanks for watching that video right there.
That was a beautiful little segment, I think.
But of course, I'm partisan to myself.
But you can move on to another video right now.
You could check on this video or on this video.
That's two different options.
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