Name: Theo Von & Ari Shaffir on Uber Drivers
Uploaded: 2020-02-19T23:00:17.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Theo Von & Ari Shaffir on Uber Drivers' from Theo Von Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2020-02-19. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Theo Von & Ari Shaffir on Uber Drivers' from Theo Von Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2020-02-19. Transcript available.

I did. I noticed this the other day. Women don't want to be uber drivers like
women are saying they you know that there's this opportunity, you know
opportunities for dude fucking I'd love to have a lady pick me up, you know,
you think I want a guy not many. You think I want a young gay man handing me a
butterscotch every day from the front seat. That's a little bit warm and
keeping the windows down while we ride. What the fuck is going on, dude? I'm in
the back of a fucking man's car eating a butterscotch with the windows down,
dude, and not getting molested, bro. Yeah, baffling.
I mean that is why it's a backseat baffling times. Yeah, I've had a couple gay
guys like why don't you drive? I'll get behind you. And I'm like, I don't know,
man. This doesn't seem like the proper uber techniques. Dude, one time an old
lady, this Persian lady, she was the worst fucking driver. Her husband must
have just cut her off financially. Yeah. And she was driving to the airport. I
said, man, I said, I cannot. It was unbelievable. And she let me drive and I
fucking drove us to the airport in her uber. No fucking way. Yeah. Pretty cool,
man. And it was a Ford Taurus that she had. Somebody had painted her themselves.
With like a, like kind of a rose gold color. And like, it was a piece of shit.
You ever have a coked up uber driver? Oh, dude. Yeah, it's great. They go
through red lights and they go, oh, fuck. And then back up through it. I'm like,
you already threw it, man. Calm down. Like, where are you going? I'm like, I'm
putting it in. Just head down.
I'm like, where are you going? I'm like, I'm putting it in. Just wait a second.
Just keep going. You're fine. Go through another red light. It's crazy. I'm
like, hey, do you mind if I put my seatbelt on? I'm like, why? Why? I'm like,
oh, man.
Yeah, dude. When you put it on, the click of it makes him like, keep quiet down
back there. Five stars, right? Five stars. Show me. Show me.
Dude, one time I was in, uh, I was in Illinois in like rural Illinois and we'd
eat, we'd eaten some acid, right? And we got pulled around these cops in this
convertible. Okay. Dude, it was wintertime. Right. And so they're like, all
right, put the, put the car, put the top up, get home. You know, they let us
off. They didn't realize we're on LSD. Right. So we go driving off. We're on
these back roads, fucking living it up.
And dude, the sun is coming up and we find ourselves on the exact same road
headed right back where the fucking cops are. And they're still sitting there.
It's like two hours later. And we're like, no fucking way. The only place we
could not go is right here. And we can't fucking turn around now.
I'll see you.
So here's.
You can't see a cop and then stop.
Yeah, I remember.
Oh, we're going after that.
Yeah.
Dude, I remember we put the top back down so we thought there would be less car
for the cops to see as we went by.
So maybe they wouldn't see us.
Fucking acid logic.
Yeah, acid logic.
And went as slow as possible, bro.
Thinking maybe we were making too much noise.
Because everything makes so much noise on acid.
And we were just fucking as quiet as could be, bro.
And they're just like, oh, all went straight to jail. Directly got all three
got taken into the county courthouse.
Really?
Oh, yeah. Directly.
But bro, the fucking moment we're passing by, I'm just hoping they wouldn't
fucking hear us. Probably doing four miles an hour with the top down on a
fucking frigid morning in rural, rural Illinois.
Shh.
That was the last thing I heard somebody say before the lights went up.
Shh.
They can't hear us.
Woo!
Yeah.
Oh, no, it's probably not for us. Keep going.
Wow, you know what's crazy is my sister can't even read.
But what does it have to do with us right now?
Hope you enjoyed that video.
And you can watch another.
And you can watch this one.
You can watch this one.
Different options, different choices.
Some guy just brings you one option.
Not this guy.
Two options.
Watch one.
This one or this one.