Name: Ari Shaffir's Salvia Trip
Uploaded: 2020-02-21T16:00:17.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Ari Shaffir's Salvia Trip' from Theo Von Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2020-02-21. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Ari Shaffir's Salvia Trip' from Theo Von Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2020-02-21. Transcript available.

Yo, Ari, Theo, what's happening, man?
Christian calling him from Port Douglas, Australia.
My question for Ari was, could you please elaborate on that Salvia trip you had
back in the day,
back with the old Red Band?
I believe you said it felt like you were living underwater for four months to
two years.
If you could elaborate on that, that'd be pretty cool because it sounds pretty
interesting.
There's a problem with this guy asking a question.
I did elaborate on it. That's why he's getting that.
I went into it for like five full minutes, and he's getting that,
and he's pretty much asking a question like, I want to hear you talk.
It's a dumb question, bro.
We got another. We just want to move on, or do you want to get into it?
I mean, I took a heavy Salvia trip. I guess it's been a long time.
How much is that? Like a couple ounces or what?
No, so we took a bong.
What does it come in? A little pouch?
Pouch, you can get them at Circus of Books down on Santa Monica.
Can you really?
Yeah, it wasn't illegal.
They might have made it illegal since then, but it was one of those under-the-radar
drugs,
and you process it 20 times, 40 times, 60 times, even 80 times.
The more process it was, the higher potency it was.
Red Band was into it.
No shit.
I think I had done it once before, and it makes you lose your balance,
start seeing stuff from childhood in the color yellow a lot.
Oh, yeah.
Anyway, so we were doing it on a podcast, and I took a big hit out of a bong,
but I wasn't used to smoking.
A lot of people go like, you know, when you see a bong, they go,
clear it all, and then I cough.
I can do half a bong here, and then I got to do the rest of the bong here, just
a weed.
So I did as much as I could, and I was like, start coughing.
But they were like, that wasn't a full fucking hit.
But it got me to where I was like, like right on the line.
You were shook, huh?
So I was already like, got a head start on it.
I was like, fuck.
And they were like, do a real hit.
And I was like, ah.
I was like about to trip out.
And then I did this massive hit, which would have been plenty the first time.
But I did that in conjunction with the other hit.
And you went deep, huh?
I was gone.
Oh, yeah.
I mean, I was not there anymore.
Fucking couple of orphans driving your brain.
Yeah.
I guess I was laying there.
I don't know how long.
So then I started living in this underwater, in this lake behind my childhood
home.
I was just there.
I had a life.
I had friends.
I had a job.
I had this woman I had a relationship with.
Oh, wow.
And it was like, it went on.
And so I said, I don't remember exactly.
But I would say somewhere between six months and two years.
I was down there.
You know?
And you were doing good, huh?
My sports teams were doing well.
All underwater, you know?
In this underwater land, we're all like seahorses and shit.
Damn.
And then one day, you know, breathing water, fine.
One day, I'm swimming up around.
And I just see right out of the water, right at the edge of the water.
Probably the closest we're sitting right now.
That's where I was.
Just gacked out.
And I'd say to the edge of the water, a dude.
A human dude.
Oh, yeah.
And I was like, what?
And it was Sam Tripoli.
Wow.
And I just swam up to him.
I could see him being somewhere like there.
Yeah.
I mean, he was there in the room with me.
But that's why I was like starting to come back eight, nine, ten minutes later.
And I was like, what the fuck is that?
And then I like kind of popped up.
And it was Sam.
But I wasn't all the way back yet.
And they gave me some water.
And I had to spit it up.
Because I was like, no, you breathe water.
You don't drink water.
That's amniotic, bro.
You got all amniotic.
Yeah, and then it was like another 15 minutes until I was like back again.
And I was like, fuck.
I was like, wait, I'm not here.
It's kind of like Inception, you know?
Oh, yeah.
And you're back.
And you're like, wait, no, no.
Oh.
Oh, yeah.
Oh, yeah.
This is.
This is life.
Yeah, but I thought I had a new life.
I thought you was out there.
That was a good trip.
It looked shitty.
It looked like if you see the video of it, because Red Ben taped it, it looked
pretty awful.
But it wasn't awful, man.
The McRib, baby.
The McRib is back, son.
That's what it sounds like.
That was a good time.
I got to do that again.
It's a dirty drug, though.
Is it?
Yeah.
It sounds dirty.
You know how there's some dirty drug?
Coke is a dirty drug.
Yeah.
Mushrooms and acid are not dirty.
You know?
MDMAs.
I don't know.
What about that DMT?
Have you done it?
I did it once.
I didn't quite get there.
You done it?
Never done it.
I'm going to do it again.
I did it.
I was in my backyard.
I have that backyard.
Oh, yeah.
I've been out there smoking cigarettes before.
Yeah, it's great.
It's the best part of my apartment.
Yeah, it's nice, dude.
So a couple times when I got locked out, I had to go over to that garden that's
a couple
buildings down.
I had to jump the fence into that garden, go through the garden, and then jump
through
the back areas of the other, between that building, between you and that garden
area
to get to-
So you luckily left the door unlocked?
Yes.
Wow.
Because it seems fine to leave it unlocked.
It's all fence.
Who would go there?
The fucking rich people next door?
No.
I had to do that, though, three times.
I was crazy.
Wow.
Middle of the night, fucking three, I'm sneaking through.
I would be so nervous.
Somebody would be like, what the fuck are you doing?
Call the cops.
I was so nervous, dude.
Jumped it.
Wow, that's great.
Just see, I fucking could not hold on to those keys, man.
Yeah.
So I was lying there next to this girl.
We smoked some DMT.
She was gone.
I was going, and then I was laying there, and that tree, I saw this caterpillar.
Oh, yeah.
This hexagon, like things made up of a caterpillar come down to the tree, and I
was just looking
at it.
And he looked at me for a while, and I looked back at him, and then he just
goes, no.
And then just like caterpillars back up the tree.
And then I was out of it, and I was like, what?
And I looked at the girl, and she was like, I just died and came back, did you?
And I was like, no.
I don't think I got invited.
I was just like, oh, you missed out.
Wow.
Yeah, he said no.
Wasn't ready, I guess.
Wow.
Yeah, I got to do it again.
I have some.
So Mother Nature came looking for you, and they weren't ready for you.
I have some.
You know, in fact, maybe, maybe in Phoenix, or I'm in Phoenix and Tempe, and
Miami and
West Palm, maybe a, definitely in Phoenix, maybe, but maybe a fan will give me
some,
and I can do some with Adrian.
Smoke some fucking DMT.
Who's Adrian, your lady?
No, Adrian Appalucci opens for me sometimes.
She's a real dark comic from New York.
Oh, yeah, I met her before.
Yeah, and I got her high in Austin.
She's cool, chick.
She is cool, but she doesn't get high much, and she started being convinced
that I was
going to kill her, and that's why I invited her out there, and she couldn't get
it out
of her head, and I saw instantly, and I'm like, oh, I already have been through
this
with other friends.
There's no way I can convince you, because of course I would try to convince
you.
Yeah.
So every time I was like, oh, I took the wrong way.
I was like, why did you take the wrong way?
Where are we going?
I'm like, Adrian, I could have killed you anywhere.
Yeah.
I don't need to go the wrong way.
I could waste all this gas money to kill you.
I could do it at the house.
Well, that's like Shane Moss was on here.
He ate a bunch of drugs, right?
He went, you know, he got all buzzed all day.
Shane Moss goes for it.
Yeah, dude, and he hired a film crew to make a documentary, and then he thought
the film
crew was stealing his life and secrets, so he started giving clues to the
camera that
he would then watch later down the road so that he would be able to know what
was really
going on, and then he went to the hospital.
Wow.
Yeah, did he do mushrooms every day for a month, or DMT every day for a month?
He tried to do mushrooms every day for a month, but then right when he started,
apparently
somebody invited him to do some DMT, and he agreed to do it, and it was just
too much at
once.
He coated himself with this shit that wouldn't let it come out of his pores.
Yeah.
Something rude, and so then it just kept circling around in his body.
He got caught up.
Well, that's the dark art.
Dude, I saw him a month or two later at Pink Floyd, Roger Waters' concert, and
yeah, he
invited me and my lady, and it was great.
It was a great concert.
But he was like, he hadn't taken anything for a while, but the way he was
talking was
like that 30 minutes to an hour after you'd come out of your mushroom trip, and
you're
still kind of half there and half there.
He was talking like that all the time.
Oh, yeah.
He's still there a little bit.
He's still a bit of a loose stool, if you ask me.
What else do we have here for Mr. Ari?
I did that.
I got some DMT once.
Not DMT, sorry.
MDMA once from one of the store dealers at the time, and I remember I hadn't
taken it.
I was like, or it's ecstasy.
That's what it was, which just has it in there.
And I was like, in a Vegas casino with Eddie Bravo and Rogan and shit.
I'm starting to feel like, oh shit, it might have been taken too much.
I might OD.
And I remember texting myself, I got these drugs from Sandy Danto.
So if somebody, if I died and somebody found my thing, they were like, they
would put him
in jail for what he did to me.
That's classic, dude.
As he will.
You know what's crazy is my sister can't even read.
But what does it have to do with us right now?
Hope you enjoyed that video, and you can watch another.
And you can watch this one, you can watch this one.
Different options, different choices.
Some guy just brings you one option, not this guy.
Two options.
Watch one.
This one or this one.