Name: Theo Von on Dieting
Uploaded: 2020-02-23T17:00:10.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Theo Von on Dieting' from Theo Von Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2020-02-23. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Theo Von on Dieting' from Theo Von Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2020-02-23. Transcript available.

And I wish we didn't even care about what we ate.
You know, I think there was a long time ago, probably back in the old days.
You know, now everybody's so concerned about their diets.
Everybody's on a diet. I'm on this.
You know, I'm on Atkins. I'm on Jerry Atkins.
You know, I'm a senior. You know, I'm on keto.
You know, I'm on keto-calin.
I'm on, you know, I only eat cheeseburgers during murders.
You know, everybody's on something.
I'm on vegetables. I'm on, you know, broccolini.
You know, I only eat by my stepmother's house.
My buddy told me he's on that diet.
I'm like, that's not a fucking diet.
I'm like, you're going to starve. You're an idiot.
But everybody's on some type of diet.
You know, somebody's like, I'm on, you know, water and limes.
Like, eh, that's not a diet.
You know, that's somebody that's, you know, probably going to die on an island.
You know, so some of this stuff isn't diets.
Sorry, there's a call came in and I have a ringtone. I'm a teenager.
But yeah, everybody's on a diet.
Everybody's on something, you know, and it's just, but back in the old days,
you weren't on a diet.
If somebody shot an animal, that's what you ate.
If somebody killed a, you know, a bushel of corn, that's what you ate.
Somebody showed up with a, you know, a little bit of Labrador, a couple of Labrador
medallions.
That's what you ate. That was it.
I mean, there were probably years where people were eating this or eating that.
You know, I'm not trying to be vile, but people were, you know, having German
Shepherd for dinner.
A long time ago, in the 1700s.
Come on.
You know, people were having, you know, ham was, you kill a pig and that was it.
Somebody shoot a dove or an owl.
And that was it.
And that's what you ate.
There wasn't an opportunity for all this dieting.
But now, you know, once we get, you know, we get a little bit more sedentary
and that food starts to build up in us.
So, it's just a different time now.
And so, now, you know, we're a little bit more concerned.
And we didn't have mirrors back then.
That's another thing.
Maybe instead of dieting, we just get rid of all the mirrors.
Have we thought about that yet?
I mean, sometimes I wish we could just have a big mirror burning.
You know, everybody just shows up and throws a damn mirror into a big gorge.
One of these empty gorges and just throws a bunch of gasoline in there or turpentine
and lights that bitch up.
Let's burn these mirrors.
So, who knows who's fat?
Who knows who's out of shape?
Who knows who's feeling a little, you know, if you lift your arm up and you can't
lift it up.
Or if your underarm just, you know, I got a buddy.
He's got, his underarms have kind of become tits under his arm.
And they still have all that hair on them, that underarm hair.
So, he'll lift his arm up and it's like this just hair tit kind of pops out
from under his arm.
And I don't know why.
I don't know what's going on with him.
He's like, I'm thinking I need a diet.
I'm like, I think you need a haircut on them tits first and go from there.
But it's, you know, it's just, before we were infected with all these diets,
I think we used to enjoy our time a little bit more.
And I guess if I could look back on today a little bit,
I probably wish I would have not thought about, you know, calories and all of
this and that as much.
But I would have just been, you know, more focused on the diet.
Wow, you know what's crazy is my sister can't even read.
But what does it have to do with us right now?
Hope you enjoyed that video.
And you can watch another.
And you can watch this one.
You can watch this one.
Different options, different choices.
Some guy just brings you one option, not this guy.
Two options.
Watch one.
This one or this one.