Name: Theo Von: Weiner Dogs Attack
Uploaded: 2020-02-28T17:00:01.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Theo Von: Weiner Dogs Attack' from Theo Von Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2020-02-28. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Theo Von: Weiner Dogs Attack' from Theo Von Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2020-02-28. Transcript available.

Alright, it's gone. Hey, what up, Theo? This is Josh and Emilio from Palmdale,
California.
We have a serious question to ask you.
Okay, this is Josh and Emilio from Palmdale, California.
And thank you guys for calling.
And these guys, if you can't see them on the video and you're listening on
audio,
one of them have short hair, one of them have longer hair.
They look like they could be in a band.
They also could be two dudes that work at Quiznos but are the happiest Quiznos
workers you've ever met.
They seem like joyous young gents.
Onward.
So, we were just talking about the woman in Oklahoma who got mauled to death by
seven wiener dogs a couple weeks ago.
Woo.
And that's gang activity.
And you think, here's the crazy thing.
You think they'd have gone after somebody with a wiener.
Seven of them went after a lady with no wiener.
And that's reverse psychology.
And a lot of animals, what you don't realize is, you know, two animals, they
get together, they might have an idea.
Oh, let's sneak out the doggy door.
Three animals, maybe, they'll be like, oh, let's, you know, let's jump up on
the cupboard and steal grandma's chicken papai.
Four animals, they might be like, oh, you know, let's sneak out at night and
get some fucking cocaine, you know.
Five, five animals get together.
Five wiener dogs get together.
And they might be like, oh, man, this shit is fucking, let's buy some pistols,
you know.
Let's buy some guns, you know.
Let's buy some, let's buy some fucking guns, bro.
And let's pop off, baby.
But six dogs get together, they'll be like, oh, you know.
Let's embezzle money.
Let's build a YMCA and get donations and fucking take some money out of their
coffers, you know.
Let's say we get in swimsuits for the new YMCA swim team, but let's steal some
of that money.
But seven animals get together and they gonna probably just take a bitch down
for no reason.
What I'm saying is that's groupthink.
That's dirty groupthink.
And that's unnecessary, man.
So if you see a bunch of animals getting together and you think it's funny and
shit like that and it's care bears and all of that, maybe it's not.
You know, this ain't babe, pig in the city and other animals.
This is seven wiener dogs getting, first of all, who even let seven wiener dogs
get together and didn't think something was happening?
Dude, I never fucking seen, I never seen seven wiener dogs in the same state
before.
So you're telling me whoever owned them didn't know that some kind of shit was
going on?
That other wiener dogs are stopping by to visit their wiener dog?
Or they're all meeting, you go to the, you take your wiener dog to the park and,
you know.
One week there's two wiener dogs there and the next week there's three and then
a month later there's four.
And then there's, you know, seven, two of them aren't on leashes and you're
like, well, you don't notice something's fucking going on?
Let's hear more.
I'm sorry for getting upset.
Thank you for bringing this to my attention.
And we're, it's not funny.
It's not, it's a serious matter.
And one of the boys is laughing in the back and this seemed like the boy, this
is the long haired gentleman.
Onward.
Just wondering, how many wiener dogs do you think you could take, say if they
were attacking you?
Like it took, I think, seven to kill her.
How many could you take before they ended up taking your life?
And thank you for the question, man.
I would say four.
I feel comfortable saying five.
I would probably say three.
If I'd eaten recently and I had a couple Gatorades or something on a table
nearby, I would say four.
But you think about, dude, when it gets up to five wiener dogs and a lot of
guys out there be like, I could take all seven.
No, you couldn't.
No, you couldn't, dude.
Because they had, first of all, a woman couldn't take all seven.
And they got some tough ladies out there.
So a man, you get, look.
And women are, look, women will fight to the end.
You know five wiener dogs, one of them is going to sneak you up and get you by
the neck.
And the hard part for some men is going to be feeling all that wiener against
them.
And that's the trick about a wiener dog is.
You know, they get enough of that body against you and it feels like big wieners
hitting you.
And next thing you know, one of them gets you right up in the gullet.
And you're necked out.
And you've been wienered out.
But yeah, I would say four.
I think I could successfully defend myself against four wiener dogs.
And look, I'm not trying to challenge any wiener dogs.
If you're out there, if somebody's out there caught up in the dark arts, you're
out there training WDs in your fucking basement and shit.
And you've got these little things going through hoops and eating heavy treats
and stuff to make their neck stronger.
Don't come at me with that shit.
I'm not trying to do any of that.
I'm just saying I think I could take four.
Thank you for calling in.
I do appreciate that, man.
I do appreciate it.
Wow, you know what's crazy is my sister can't even read.
But what does it have to do with us right now?
Hope you enjoyed that video.
And you can watch another.
And you can watch this one.
You can watch this one.
Different options, different choices.
Some guy just brings you one option.
Not this guy.
Two options.
Watch one.
This one or this one.