Name: Theo Von on David Spade & Bhad Bhabie
Uploaded: 2020-02-29T17:00:02.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Theo Von on David Spade & Bhad Bhabie' from Theo Von Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2020-02-29. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Theo Von on David Spade & Bhad Bhabie' from Theo Von Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2020-02-29. Transcript available.

so next thing you know um the director texted me he's like well look man uh david
spade recommended
you and i'm like oh wow that's that's crazy because first of all david spade is
one of my
favorite um entertainers of all time i mean you know the fact that i mean we
have chris farley
his his uh a painting of chris farley up here in our studio and the fact that
he got to work with
him uh black sheep tommy boy um you know uh what's the um the movie uh i think
he was in sin of a woman
i think or something i don't know but or he just gets a lot of huss you know
what i'm saying but um
but i love david spade oh joe dirt and people you know and i thought joe dirt a
lot of people know
this i thought it was a documentary when i first saw it and i remember when i
finally got to
interview david spade he came on allegedly which uh was a podcast that i've
done with matthew cole
weiss for a while and he came on allegedly and he's like uh and and i was like
hey did a lot of orphans
like reach out to you when joe dirt came out and he's like what are you talking
about and i was like
well and i explained to him you know and he's like dude that's not a fucking
documentary he's like
you're an idiot and i was like oh that's awesome man you know david spade has
called me an idiot
it made me feel good but anyhow so next thing you know the director's like why
don't you get in touch
with david spade and i'm like i don't know david spade's number you know what i'm
saying dude i'm
not just walking around with people like david spade's number or people like
you know who else
chris kringle freaking uh um rain man anybody else dude uh wolverine who the
fuck does this
guy think i am you know uh katie perry i don't have just ultimate numbers in my
phone so he sends
me david spade's number i'm like oh wow what do i do with david spade's number
so i'm like just like
i'm like well i don't really call david and i know david spade through um we
have a mutual friend uh
adam egott who book who's the booker at the comedy store and i know him through
just seeing him in
circles and we chat sometimes a little bit and he's i would consider us buddies
but i wouldn't say
that we're really friends yet you know because we just haven't i don't know him
well enough and you
know it's that weird thing we're like i don't want to like i don't feel like a
fanboy out around him
or anything but i am a fan of his work so it's you know it's it's not a it's
not uncomfortable but
it's it's um you know there's an admiration there that sometimes i get excited
about maybe i can't
hide and he might be like man uh this is a fun conversation but your cheeks are
all flushed or
your eyes are flickering while we're talking you know or you're erect like what's
going on buddy
um so you know sometimes i can't hide my you know just genuine excitement that
god just sends out just
vibing out through my um through my you know my eyelids or through my even my
crotch sometimes if
i'm you know keyed up or excited so next thing you know uh i have david spade's
number and i call it
goes to voicemail and then i get a call back and this is um and so i'm like
what the hell how do i
do i stand up do i sit down you know i'm saying do i lay down how do i answer
the phone when david
spade calls so um you know i'm just trying like i go outside i was inside of a
loud place and i'm
like i don't want him to think that i you know hang out in loud places you know
like i don't even know
what the fuck i was thinking dude and then i was like fuck dude i don't feel
like i'm very tall
because i always have this thing in my head like i don't feel like um because i
am six feet tall even
though some people will say i'm not and if you look at like old you know older
fuse like a old
fucking ruler from a long time ago where they didn't really put that full inch
in there then
yeah then i definitely make it but if you use kind of these newer rulers where
things are a lot more
you know certain i don't i kind of get there and i think i get there and some
people say i don't
but i think i come in right at six feet you know and strong that fucking you
know i'm so if you know
i'm right there five eleven and seven eighths dude and if the wind blows upward
it'll fucking kind of
pick me up just enough to get me at that six foot but i always have these insecurities
you know i have
the insecurities of having that you know i have a limited neck my neck doesn't
go very far and we've
talked about that on here and i talk about it a lot you know i'm saying i can't
really look around that
much so i have to either look forward or i have to turn around and then also
look forward which is
behind me at that point because i turned around and so next thing you know man
i so i stand on a
bench there's a bench right there so i'm like well fuck i want to sound tall
when i talk to
david spade on the phone even though i already know he already knows how tall i
am right so next
thing you know i'm on the phone and he's like he starts telling about the video
and i said well look
i just you know i'm a little nervous i don't want to be seen as like a pervert
you know i don't want
to be seen as a uh a pedophile and so he's like nah man he's like this is a
chance for you to like
act you know like you you get to be funny a lot but do you get to be you know
creepy and dark
and i'm like well you know i have a um i said i've struggled over my life with
you know masturbation
and stuff like that and he's like what the fuck are you talking about i was
like i don't know
and so then we kind of thankfully got out of that topic for a second but i was
trying to tell him
that i've been into some dark arts or anything you know you know i've had some
issues and addiction
issues and stuff but um he's just like look this is a chance for you to play a
creeper you can be a
creeper and that's it so next thing you know uh i text the director and i said
i'm in and two days
later i'm on i'm on set with bad uh bad baby let me look this shit up i thought
it was behod baby and
i then i thought i was like well her fan base has to be called behods jihad
right but it is um
it is
bad bad bad when i first saw it was like is she a sheep owner yeah danielle bregoli
that be had baby
you know cash me outside so anyway next you know i'm on set and boom there i am
and i'm on it's like
and dude it's a real music video there's like smoke and there are there's like
a table in the distance
with everybody eating orange slices and like fancy oranges like oranges from
fucking sweden or portland
and everybody's you know they have all kind of cashews and um and they have uh
you know people
they have some dudes walking around with radios and shit who weren't doing shit
but just you know
carrying around electronics basically and it was in in so next thing you know i'm
in this dude i'm playing
i'm playing a pervert and i'm playing a pervert and um and we did it we did the
whole video
and uh and we did a night shoot and it was and it was wild and then i came back
two days later and we
did some pick-me-ups so it's just going to be something you're going to be able
to it was the
craziest thing like you would never think i would be in that and um and then
there i was man but the
crazy part is here's one of the weirdest things so you know a couple of my
friends knew about it
and i don't even know if i'm supposed to tell anybody about it but you know
what i'm saying
this is this is what we do on here we just say what what's going on and so and
my buddies are texting
me and they're like hey man that chick is so hot bro set me up and i'm like
dude what are you talking
i'm playing a pervert bro because of guys like you because of guys like you i'm
here and this is the
role i'm in so it was just intense man my buddies are like set me up with her i'm
like dude i'm not
setting you up with a child that there's a lot that's called sex trafficking
that's called sex
trafficking man so it's just you know it's just wild but then also you know she
gets it's it's wild
how we sexualize i don't want to say that we sexualize children but there's the
industry like
you know you'll put a young girl and have her look sexual you know if they're
developed you'll have them
look sexual um and i just start to wonder like i guess there's if somebody's a
you know is really
a pervert then they're just they can't they don't know when to say okay that's
a that is a child or
that's a kid or that's legally not okay and then um you know and then it is
okay you know because
that starting line is 18 so that's the starting line but uh but yeah i guess
that's the difference
is some people can't shut down that part of their brain where they want to you
know join a you know
they want to you know coach children's softball or whatever or or that kind of
stuff anyway i don't
know why i got in all that but you can see me in a um in a bad baby uh music
video coming out and look
i was so nervous like there's one part where i'm like because she catches me
and i'm like pinned down
on this like dexter style deal and i'm like fuck you know and uh and i'm like
and i even said to the
director i was like dude i just want to like i'm okay with i said just tell me
this tell me if i look
like somebody who can't act trying to act that's what i do not want to look
like that he's like no man
you did a good job and it was but it was pretty crazy man it was just crazy it
was crazy to be in
there and uh and people are like well what's danielle bregoli like what's bad
baby like and i said well
she's the cash me outside girl you know she are she know and that's who she is
and she's also a kid
she's night she's uh she's a ninth grader so when you talk to her it's like
talking to somebody in the
ninth grade you know but she definitely had a lot of swagger she was definitely
fun she was fun to be
around um she had a good sense of humor i thought like uh the second time we
did pickup shots uh which
was last night or two nights ago she made it like it was it was easy to joke
around and stuff with her
i mean if anything what i realized about myself was um that definitely because
i look i haven't been
around a 15 year i don't hang out around any people this age and so good a
first of all you know um
and it was just you know i realized like oh yeah these these kids this is
another generation they
live in a world that i do not know about and i am thankful that i don't know
about it and i'm thankful
that i'm just here playing a uh a pervert or pedophile um today just as an
actor and not uh suffering with
that in my real life and i'm grateful for that man because i remember being in
college and i was in
college and i was at louisiana state university and a man uh we had a professor
and he came into class
one day it was like statistics or something like that or um something like that
and he comes in and
he goes um statistically speaking uh this he's like there's 800 people in here
it was first year
he goes there's 800 800 800 students in here statistically speaking um you know
uh
170 of you guys will get divorced uh statistically speaking you know um four
you guys will be in a
lawsuit because you you know burned your arm at a pizza hut or something and
then statistically
speaking uh two of you guys will be convicted of um uh pedophile pedophilia or
something and the second
i heard that i remember just standing up dude in the middle of that class and
just saying not it
that's what i said i said not it and i made that line in the stand right in the
sand i made the line
in the sand right then for myself that i wasn't going to sit around and let
that roulette wall that
that roulette ball of life just bounce and land wherever it wanted to on me
that i was going to
stand up and say not it today professor i'm not being a damn pervert for my
life wow you know what's
crazy is my sister can't even read but what does it have to do with us right
now hope you enjoyed that
video and you can watch another and you can watch this one you can watch this
one different options
different choices some guy just brings you one option not this guy two options
watch one this one

Theo Von on David Spade & Bhad Bhabie

so next thing you know um the director texted me he's like well look man uh david
spade recommended
you and i'm like oh wow that's that's crazy because first of all david spade is
one of my
favorite um entertainers of all time i mean you know the fact that i mean we
have chris farley
his his uh a painting of chris farley up here in our studio and the fact that
he got to work with
him uh black sheep tommy boy um you know uh what's the um the movie uh i think
he was in sin of a woman
i think or something i don't know but or he just gets a lot of huss you know
what i'm saying but um
but i love david spade oh joe dirt and people you know and i thought joe dirt a
lot of people know
this i thought it was a documentary when i first saw it and i remember when i
finally got to
interview david spade he came on allegedly which uh was a podcast that i've
done with matthew cole
weiss for a while and he came on allegedly and he's like uh and and i was like
hey did a lot of orphans
like reach out to you when joe dirt came out and he's like what are you talking
about and i was like
well and i explained to him you know and he's like dude that's not a fucking
documentary he's like
you're an idiot and i was like oh that's awesome man you know david spade has
called me an idiot
it made me feel good but anyhow so next thing you know the director's like why
don't you get in touch
with david spade and i'm like i don't know david spade's number you know what i'm
saying dude i'm
not just walking around with people like david spade's number or people like
you know who else
chris kringle freaking uh um rain man anybody else dude uh wolverine who the
fuck does this
guy think i am you know uh katie perry i don't have just ultimate numbers in my
phone so he sends
me david spade's number i'm like oh wow what do i do with david spade's number
so i'm like just like
i'm like well i don't really call david and i know david spade through um we
have a mutual friend uh
adam egott who book who's the booker at the comedy store and i know him through
just seeing him in
circles and we chat sometimes a little bit and he's i would consider us buddies
but i wouldn't say
that we're really friends yet you know because we just haven't i don't know him
well enough and you
know it's that weird thing we're like i don't want to like i don't feel like a
fanboy out around him
or anything but i am a fan of his work so it's you know it's it's not a it's
not uncomfortable but
it's it's um you know there's an admiration there that sometimes i get excited
about maybe i can't
hide and he might be like man uh this is a fun conversation but your cheeks are
all flushed or
your eyes are flickering while we're talking you know or you're erect like what's
going on buddy
um so you know sometimes i can't hide my you know just genuine excitement that
god just sends out just
vibing out through my um through my you know my eyelids or through my even my
crotch sometimes if
i'm you know keyed up or excited so next thing you know uh i have david spade's
number and i call it
goes to voicemail and then i get a call back and this is um and so i'm like
what the hell how do i
do i stand up do i sit down you know i'm saying do i lay down how do i answer
the phone when david
spade calls so um you know i'm just trying like i go outside i was inside of a
loud place and i'm
like i don't want him to think that i you know hang out in loud places you know
like i don't even know
what the fuck i was thinking dude and then i was like fuck dude i don't feel
like i'm very tall
because i always have this thing in my head like i don't feel like um because i
am six feet tall even
though some people will say i'm not and if you look at like old you know older
fuse like a old
fucking ruler from a long time ago where they didn't really put that full inch
in there then
yeah then i definitely make it but if you use kind of these newer rulers where
things are a lot more
you know certain i don't i kind of get there and i think i get there and some
people say i don't
but i think i come in right at six feet you know and strong that fucking you
know i'm so if you know
i'm right there five eleven and seven eighths dude and if the wind blows upward
it'll fucking kind of
pick me up just enough to get me at that six foot but i always have these insecurities
you know i have
the insecurities of having that you know i have a limited neck my neck doesn't
go very far and we've
talked about that on here and i talk about it a lot you know i'm saying i can't
really look around that
much so i have to either look forward or i have to turn around and then also
look forward which is
behind me at that point because i turned around and so next thing you know man
i so i stand on a
bench there's a bench right there so i'm like well fuck i want to sound tall
when i talk to
david spade on the phone even though i already know he already knows how tall i
am right so next
thing you know i'm on the phone and he's like he starts telling about the video
and i said well look
i just you know i'm a little nervous i don't want to be seen as like a pervert
you know i don't want
to be seen as a uh a pedophile and so he's like nah man he's like this is a
chance for you to like
act you know like you you get to be funny a lot but do you get to be you know
creepy and dark
and i'm like well you know i have a um i said i've struggled over my life with
you know masturbation
and stuff like that and he's like what the fuck are you talking about i was
like i don't know
and so then we kind of thankfully got out of that topic for a second but i was
trying to tell him
that i've been into some dark arts or anything you know you know i've had some
issues and addiction
issues and stuff but um he's just like look this is a chance for you to play a
creeper you can be a
creeper and that's it so next thing you know uh i text the director and i said
i'm in and two days
later i'm on i'm on set with bad uh bad baby let me look this shit up i thought
it was behod baby and
i then i thought i was like well her fan base has to be called behods jihad
right but it is um
it is
bad bad bad when i first saw it was like is she a sheep owner yeah danielle bregoli
that be had baby
you know cash me outside so anyway next you know i'm on set and boom there i am
and i'm on it's like
and dude it's a real music video there's like smoke and there are there's like
a table in the distance
with everybody eating orange slices and like fancy oranges like oranges from
fucking sweden or portland
and everybody's you know they have all kind of cashews and um and they have uh
you know people
they have some dudes walking around with radios and shit who weren't doing shit
but just you know
carrying around electronics basically and it was in in so next thing you know i'm
in this dude i'm playing
i'm playing a pervert and i'm playing a pervert and um and we did it we did the
whole video
and uh and we did a night shoot and it was and it was wild and then i came back
two days later and we
did some pick-me-ups so it's just going to be something you're going to be able
to it was the
craziest thing like you would never think i would be in that and um and then
there i was man but the
crazy part is here's one of the weirdest things so you know a couple of my
friends knew about it
and i don't even know if i'm supposed to tell anybody about it but you know
what i'm saying
this is this is what we do on here we just say what what's going on and so and
my buddies are texting
me and they're like hey man that chick is so hot bro set me up and i'm like
dude what are you talking
i'm playing a pervert bro because of guys like you because of guys like you i'm
here and this is the
role i'm in so it was just intense man my buddies are like set me up with her i'm
like dude i'm not
setting you up with a child that there's a lot that's called sex trafficking
that's called sex
trafficking man so it's just you know it's just wild but then also you know she
gets it's it's wild
how we sexualize i don't want to say that we sexualize children but there's the
industry like
you know you'll put a young girl and have her look sexual you know if they're
developed you'll have them
look sexual um and i just start to wonder like i guess there's if somebody's a
you know is really
a pervert then they're just they can't they don't know when to say okay that's
a that is a child or
that's a kid or that's legally not okay and then um you know and then it is
okay you know because
that starting line is 18 so that's the starting line but uh but yeah i guess
that's the difference
is some people can't shut down that part of their brain where they want to you
know join a you know
they want to you know coach children's softball or whatever or or that kind of
stuff anyway i don't
know why i got in all that but you can see me in a um in a bad baby uh music
video coming out and look
i was so nervous like there's one part where i'm like because she catches me
and i'm like pinned down
on this like dexter style deal and i'm like fuck you know and uh and i'm like
and i even said to the
director i was like dude i just want to like i'm okay with i said just tell me
this tell me if i look
like somebody who can't act trying to act that's what i do not want to look
like that he's like no man
you did a good job and it was but it was pretty crazy man it was just crazy it
was crazy to be in
there and uh and people are like well what's danielle bregoli like what's bad
baby like and i said well
she's the cash me outside girl you know she are she know and that's who she is
and she's also a kid
she's night she's uh she's a ninth grader so when you talk to her it's like
talking to somebody in the
ninth grade you know but she definitely had a lot of swagger she was definitely
fun she was fun to be
around um she had a good sense of humor i thought like uh the second time we
did pickup shots uh which
was last night or two nights ago she made it like it was it was easy to joke
around and stuff with her
i mean if anything what i realized about myself was um that definitely because
i look i haven't been
around a 15 year i don't hang out around any people this age and so good a
first of all you know um
and it was just you know i realized like oh yeah these these kids this is
another generation they
live in a world that i do not know about and i am thankful that i don't know
about it and i'm thankful
that i'm just here playing a uh a pervert or pedophile um today just as an
actor and not uh suffering with
that in my real life and i'm grateful for that man because i remember being in
college and i was in
college and i was at louisiana state university and a man uh we had a professor
and he came into class
one day it was like statistics or something like that or um something like that
and he comes in and
he goes um statistically speaking uh this he's like there's 800 people in here
it was first year
he goes there's 800 800 800 students in here statistically speaking um you know
uh
170 of you guys will get divorced uh statistically speaking you know um four
you guys will be in a
lawsuit because you you know burned your arm at a pizza hut or something and
then statistically
speaking uh two of you guys will be convicted of um uh pedophile pedophilia or
something and the second
i heard that i remember just standing up dude in the middle of that class and
just saying not it
that's what i said i said not it and i made that line in the stand right in the
sand i made the line
in the sand right then for myself that i wasn't going to sit around and let
that roulette wall that
that roulette ball of life just bounce and land wherever it wanted to on me
that i was going to
stand up and say not it today professor i'm not being a damn pervert for my
life wow you know what's
crazy is my sister can't even read but what does it have to do with us right
now hope you enjoyed that
video and you can watch another and you can watch this one you can watch this
on