Name: Theo Von: Listener Gets Fired
Uploaded: 2020-03-03T17:00:02.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Theo Von: Listener Gets Fired' from Theo Von Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2020-03-03. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Theo Von: Listener Gets Fired' from Theo Von Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2020-03-03. Transcript available.

Let's take another call here. Onward.
What's up, Theo?
Alvarez, calling out of California.
What's up, Alvarez, man? Onward.
Just wondering what you think about I got fired last week.
I'm a maintenance mechanic, electrician, AC guy, certified welder.
So I'm on this boom lift.
They call me down, tell me to go work on this toilet, which I usually don't do.
Toilets full of feces.
Mass amount, bro.
Oh, yeah, bro.
Them boo-boo cauldrons.
And I used to work at a place, bro, that they had, you know.
I used to work at this place called Ducco's when I was young.
And it was like a burger joint.
And it was only in business for probably two months.
Which I didn't even know you could be in business for two months.
I mean, that seemed like almost not even a business.
It seemed like somebody just having people stop by and then getting a little
bit of their money.
And that's it.
And so Ducco's, they had burgers and cheeseburgers.
And they had the famous four.
And that's what it was called.
And it was four pieces of meat.
Cheese on the top.
Cheese on the bottom.
And that was the big thing.
Like, oh, we're going to put cheese on the bottom of the burger.
That famous four.
And, dude, people would get sick from it, I guess.
I don't know if something was wrong with the meat or something was wrong with
the bread or just something was wrong with fucking Ducco and the whole joint.
So I'm in there, bro.
I was a counter boy.
But that's the funny thing.
Look, when there's only two people and employees and one of them's the boss,
they hire you as the counter boy.
Next thing you know, you in there.
Next thing you know, you in there in the toilet with that, you know, that plunger.
And you in there just fucking ratatouille.
Next thing you know, you're working in that boo-boo kitchen.
You're working the toilet shift.
Because they don't have anybody else.
And the owner want to act like he's never dealt with, you know, like he's never
dealt with feces.
And even though the crazy thing is, he's the one making the food and selling it.
He's the one making people sick.
And now I'm having to work in the back streets of this establishment.
In the seedy underbelly of his own customers.
And, dude, it was the smallest little restaurant.
Had three tables.
So people would order from me.
Go sit down.
Get sick.
Then go use.
And the bathroom, there was no.
Sometimes you get a bathroom.
There's like a little waiting area.
You open a door.
There's another little room.
Or a hallway.
And then the bathroom.
This shit was just door, toilet.
No.
And it was just gender neutral.
Anybody could go in there.
Fuck, a mule could go in there if it wanted to.
And so you would hear.
It was just so bizarre, bro.
People would be sick in there.
And it's like I'm literally trying to take an order.
And like 11 feet away from me through some very, very limited.
Plywall or whatever it's called.
Plywood.
Very, very limited plywood.
You could hear somebody making just some damn, you know, just that body belt.
Just, you know, making a belt out of his bottom.
And just sweating and feeling really, really airy, man.
You're feeling airy.
Bro, your booty gets Jamaican, bro.
Sometimes you're in there sweating so hard.
Sounds with me.
Onward.
Like, like, there was a sign on the door.
Don't use it.
And some dude did that.
I see no toilet paper.
All I seen was feces.
Oh, that's a booty terrorist, bro.
I've been in there, somebody.
Dude, I was at a Falcons game one time.
And they had a urinal with the bag over it.
You know they do that.
They put that plastic bag.
This dude put, turned his butt around.
You know, cut a little hole in that bag.
He had a, you know, a sharp object or something.
A little shiv or a piece of bone in his pocket.
He cut a little thing in that plastic.
And boo-booed right into the deal.
Unbelievable people living out in the world.
Onward.
So I'm like, I'm not doing that.
You said, the supervisor goes, well, if I have to do it, we don't need you here.
I do a lot for you, Joe, because I also go to school at night.
Trying to get my long-term goals, get my master's in social work.
Oh, congratulations, man.
I love hearing that.
Alvarez, I love hearing that, brother.
That's what you want to do.
Social work, man.
Because you want to help other people, you know?
Onward.
I'm trying to help.
I'm 11 years clean.
Trying to go that route, you know, right now.
Gang.
So he helps me out when I have to intern.
I'm doing some interning at drug cleaning.
But I'm like, I help you too.
I work 16 hours.
It's equal.
I'm not saying anything.
I'm just not cleaning a toilet filled with shit.
I'm not doing that.
He got on, man.
Fires me.
So now I'm without a job.
It's been about three, four days.
And I start getting depressed.
I start getting weird.
Like a man needs to work.
But I don't know what you think or what other guys think out there.
As I talk to some friends, they're like, you should have just did it.
But I thought that's, where's the line?
I have a three-year-old daughter.
Someday I'm going to tell her, you got to do what you feel is right.
Self-respect is very important.
But, you know, not having a job is a horrible, horrible feeling.
I got some things lined up.
But I hope to hear it on the podcast, man.
I'm all about you, bro.
Well, thanks for calling.
That's a tough spot because, yeah, you have the child.
I think, you know, you take a couple of options.
I think you can always go back to him if you still feel like, you know,
sometimes it's about being the bigger man.
You know, and maybe it was, you know, in that day,
sometimes you're feeling a certain way.
You could always go back and say, hey, look, I made a mistake.
You know, I could have done it differently.
I could have said, I could have just taken the direction.
I just felt like that was out of line for me.
I've been there.
You know, they had a dude, I used to wash dishes at this fancy place called
Dakota's
when I was growing up.
And sometime they had an assistant manager or something in there.
He tried to make me eat a little bucket of limes, lime slices.
And I don't even, I barely knew this man.
He was always trying to pretend he was French and shit, but he wasn't.
And he was probably an idiot or an idiota.
That's French, I don't know.
But anyway, he tried to get me to eat this thing of limes
and said I had to do it because I was an employee.
Man, fuck that, bro.
I ain't eating a, you know, they probably had 60 lime slices in there.
And I was a child, man.
I was probably 16.
I never had more than even one lime slice.
And this man trying to get me to eat 60 lime slices.
And I had to quit.
So sometimes you got to stand up for yourself and you got to be a man.
And that's okay, man.
There's something going on in this world where it's like you can't be a man
these days.
So you can stand up for yourself and you can even go back to even more manly if
you want to do it
or as manly.
You could go back to the dude if you feel differently in a few days and say,
hey, I could have handled that differently.
Would you consider us working again?
That way it's still, you're meeting somebody halfway.
You're not giving in.
You know, it's nice to be able, I mean, it's the, you know, the most manly
thing to do sometimes
is to fucking get over that little hurdle.
But in the moment, yeah.
They got you down there cleaning out somebody else's, you know, dirty fucking
booty aquarium.
Come on.
Get out of there.
I'd be out.
I'd be out.
So I don't blame you.
You know, hold it down, you know, for as long as you can.
And then when you have to, you know, if you feel like, you know, maybe take a
look at some other opportunities.
You said you're going back to school.
So I'm sure it's probably, you know, I'm sure you're in some tight confines
there with work.
I would, if you're okay with it, I would probably re-approach the man.
And if you think you, and it sounds like you guys had some mutual respect for
each other.
That's what it really sounds like.
So I'd re-approach the man and see about that.
And your boys might ride you a little bit when you get back to work or whatever.
But in the end, I think that they were, it sounds like you're the kind of dude
that, that, that guys on the work shift respect.
And I think that they would respect you.
You could just say cleanly, like, look, I needed a couple of days to cool off,
man.
Because the booty work around here was a little too hot for daddy to be down
there doing, you know, suddenly you out there and you do some little boo-boo
ratatouille.
And you, you know, just out there working out in some, you know, in somebody
else's porridge tank.
Come on.
But thank you for calling, man.
And I love the fact that you're moving forward, that you have a plan in your
life.
You want to be, do social work.
You have a daughter you're already thinking ahead about, that you want to tell
your daughter that you stood up for yourself.
That you're not afraid to be, stand up for yourself.
I love that.
I love that, man.
It's really, really a powerful message.
And I appreciate you calling in.
Oh, you know what's crazy is my sister can't even read.
But what does it have to do with us right now?
Hope you enjoyed that video.
And you can watch another.
And you can watch this one.
You can watch this one.
Different options, different choices.
Some guy just brings you one option.
Not this guy.
Two options.
Watch one.
This one or this one.