Name: Theo Von's Fears of Success
Uploaded: 2020-03-11T16:00:08.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Theo Von's Fears of Success' from Theo Von Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2020-03-11. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Theo Von's Fears of Success' from Theo Von Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2020-03-11. Transcript available.

and it made you seem cool to get people heard that noise yeah what is that guy
what the fuck
yeah people dropping drinks and shit as you slow motion uh so so yeah it was a
big deal but you are
an analog guy yeah do you feel like that is your problem i know that's like a
big but you feel like
you're you are uncomfortable in a lot of like you seem at ill you seem at ease
and then at the same
time you feel like you don't understand what's going on some i just thought of
this recently man
i sometimes i have a i'm upset that time moves so fast it's like i just i just
feel like i can't
ever win i just can't ever really get a grasp of what's going on and it keeps
happening you know
and it really does i think sometimes frustrate me a little bit what is the what
what do you want
to get a grasp on i think just to feel like i'm kind of in control that
everything that i'm going
to be able to control like i guess that i'm in control you know that i'm okay
you know okay i got
the hang of what's going on now yeah without things changing so much and is
that within relationships or
that's within everything i think that's just within existence really yeah so i
think yeah i just uh just
thinking about that the other day i just sometimes feel uh you know not like it's
a bad thing but like
i just realized oh wow i have this this irrational idea that like almost a
resentment against time
because i can't get a control i can't it won't let me grasp everything at once
you know it won't let
me you can't organize everything as well as you need to because it just keeps
happening it keeps going and
and also then i think because i'm probably lazy sometimes and so it's like damn
give me a chance
i don't think you're lazy time i don't i don't know your schedule but you seem
pretty active yeah
am i wrong uh i think i i think i procrastinate i think sometimes you know what
i thought the other
day man i put i set this weird bar in my mind that everything needs to be
perfect or i everything
needs to be perfect but then i also know this thing about myself that i
procrastinate sometimes
and so i will set both it's like i will set the bar high oh yeah you know that
that's one of the
reasons people procrastinate is fear of perfection or not fear of perfection
they're perfectionists
so you're like well i can't start now because i'll get to uh it's not right yet
like i don't have it
set up oh yeah i'm gonna fail you're gonna fail a lot of procrastination is
just fear of failure
yeah is is feeling like you can't and then you'll start when you go well if i
don't i'm fucked if i
don't start now so that's the only like the fear of of being fucked is greater
than the uh fear of
being imperfect and then once you get to that point you go okay i'll start or
like you have to start
yeah i'm that last minute starter a lot of times but things are working out for
you man yeah things
are going okay man it's crazy this year i got in so much fear man i just got
you know it's just and
i'm not trying to sound like ungrateful or just yeah this year was just fucking
crazy bro it was
just a crazy year it was busy and it was hard and it was what did you find hard
about it because
i think people from the outside in people would assume it was it's been great
for you it's so
people would think it's probably the best year of your life right yeah and and
i think i just couldn't
feel it i just couldn't i just think i just got real scared man i got real
scared bro but what what
was that up just like of that things were gonna i think for one of not maybe
knowing who i was as
things got more successful you know like i'd always been this like i'd always
felt like i didn't
have a chance a little bit and i'd always really like um that had always been
something that really
like carried me oh yeah you were like an underdog yeah like an underdog like
underdog who wouldn't get
you were getting fucked and you were they're not helping me and yeah motherfuckers
and yeah and
then you're like oh wait they you're not i mean you are still but that's part
of your appeal yeah and
i just didn't know yeah yeah i just but then i felt like i didn't know how to
be i don't know i felt
like i didn't know how to be successful and then i got scared i started to get
real scared uh and i got
real like controlling even this year like everything just i wanted everything
to be i needed help and i
was afraid to ask for help and so then everything felt like it was on me what
did you need help with
just with just with like touring and doing that kind of stuff and being willing
to like just trust that
other people know what's good and i don't know i think i just had like a lot of
just like i mean for
me a lot of it goes back to like my alcoholism stuff it's just a lot of that
stuff just flared up
like just fear just came up everywhere yeah it just came up everywhere man i
was just i don't know man
i just got kind of scared and it's not like a self-pity thing i'm not feeling
sorry for myself
like and also i couldn't feel gratitude i really needed to feel grateful and i
was and i felt so
grateful for for the past couple years man and then i i just i just had a tough
time man and i just got
real scared honestly bro i got real what were you what were you you were afraid
that it was all
going to go away or something yeah i was afraid that i was just going to mess
it up yeah you know
i was afraid that uh you know that i was a phony i was afraid that i was like a
liar just i was afraid
that i was no good just a lot of just self-worth just didn't it just was hard
you know not in a bad
way i think the only thing that you would fuck up is if you weren't yourself
yeah i think that's the
only that's the only people like you because you are you're unique like just
watching him known you
probably eight years or something but just watching you uh it's been cool
watching you go from
i gotta say your haircut from the outside in was a turning point seemingly yeah
because you you were
just like trying to be kind of like la or appealing or something or something i
don't know what you're
trying to be just like a like just more like everybody else yeah and then you
got then you started
doing this with your hair and it felt like everything fell into place yeah like
i felt more like myself
yeah like if you felt like more like yourself and you you like you started
being more yourself on stage
yeah and being weirder on stage and being more regional or southern than you'd
been before
yeah and and and then and then you started podcast it just felt like all these
things started happening
in sequence and from the outside in and just a guy who sees you at night it
seemed like once you had
that hair it was like it was empowering am i wrong no it felt very empowering
man i think all my life
too i've had a big nose so i've always been scared to have like like real short
hair because there's
less things to hide behind you know you're here's the thing about you that i've
always said about you
that you you're good looking and you don't think you are yeah you are good
looking like i bet if they
asked most i bet most women would say you're like an eight yeah i say that if i
brush my teeth i am
an eight but i believe everybody's an eight if they take care if they clean up
and they take care of
themselves i believe that okay i don't agree okay
i respectfully disagree with that um but you're and you're definitely an eight
because you're like
kind of tang you got olive skin you got night you know like you're symmetrical
uh the big nose thing
i don't think is true i mean it's fine i have a big nose but like mine's bigger
yours i'd love that
lean yeah i got that mine's lean i got that pippin nose man dude i love that
fucking lean yeah you got
that scotty pippin um you got like meat so yeah that thing is fucking like a
thought bro i feel like
it should be in a thong sometimes bro you got that donk on your face man you
got so anyway growing my
hair longer once i was like yeah and i think for years i'd try to audition in
hollywood and been like
i just i hated it i fucking hated going to auditions yeah absolutely hated it i
felt uncomfortable
i just was scared uh yeah i just didn't i didn't like it i didn't want to admit
that i didn't like
it i was afraid to say you know what i don't like this i felt like i had to do
it and then yeah once
i just kind of like oh i never i saw some pictures of myself i said i'm never
gonna have real long hair
you know i had it when i was really young right but i'm never gonna have it
again unless i grow it now
and then once i grew my hair out man i started to feel like a fucking young
like just like a king
bro just like somebody who had a fucking it's like having a dick on the back of
your head bro
yeah it feels empowering dude it's what it looks like that because it's like
hey you know what i'm
gonna look how i look it this that's the way you have an issue this looks the
way you probably feel
it looks like your character yeah it looks like what i would assume your
character and it also looks
like your it looks like your character like your uh your values and all that
shit but it also looks
like the not like theo von's character but like the thing that's funny about
you is also that yeah it's
the guy that wants to an adult that wants his hair like this in 2019 it's
beautiful yeah is who you
are and that's like it fucking i don't i from i'm glad that i was right about
it because i was like
it seems like once he grew his hair like this everything changed yeah yeah i
guess i got scared
to like say that i wasn't feel it was hard for me to tell how i was feeling and
and then i i was like
nobody wants to hear somebody who's doing well complain nobody wants to hear
him complain yeah and so
that kind of got tough for me to like even on just the regular episodes of this
podcast uh just by
myself to talk about things because i just felt like man i just i don't want to
be i don't want
to have self-pity but i don't know what's going on right now i'm just you know
i'm just i was just i
was just scared you know i was just scared really when i think about it um and
how did it resolve or did
it it's just kind of resolving i'm just like trying to get more like in a 12
step right now and just
really focusing on that and like um were you not doing that i was but in my
that my program had
gotten real small whenever i was just working all the time yeah you know my
life got big and my
program got small yeah and i think i was angry at being at some success because
i thought i would feel
better yeah yeah that's the other thing when i got you think like well that if
putting uh conditions
on your happiness yeah going well i'm not happy now i'm not even gonna allow
myself to be happy now
because i don't deserve it yeah and then you good shit happens and and you're
like
fuck this didn't work either like what's gonna work the fuck is gonna work and
what i've i will say
that uh it is gratifying to be the times i've had like you know weeks or months
of like attention
is gratifying it feels good yeah you know what i mean it feels gratifying to it
feels shallow to
admit it but it feels good when people yeah that feels good our ego feels good
we feel good it's nice
whenever people acknowledge you yeah um and but at the same time it it shitty
that you that you that
we live i feel like it's partially like american to only be happy if you
accomplish x yeah and and
i've been trying to do a thing and it's varying degrees of success but where i'm
like no just give
yourself that esteem for not for not for nothing just for why put it on some
why leave it up to
a situation or the way to make you feel good about yourself to make me feel
good it's like i can just
feel good because life is short right and and like i you know it's like i used
to beat myself up for
not being as funny as blank and it's like all right maybe i'm never gonna be as
funny as fucking bill
or or or chris or dave or when it's like what so i'm supposed to fucking sulk
my whole life like no i
want to fucking have a fun time with my skill level and you're funny it's
totally different too of
course yeah of course or like i have different talents or whatever we don't
recognize those
things we just yeah we set these things and it's like uh yeah and it's yeah we
just set these
comparisons and it's good for business it is good for american business when
everyone feels insecure
then everybody feels like they gotta work harder and rise and grind and all
that right definitely
but uh but if you just get to the point of like no i i'm i want to have a fun i
want to feel good
yeah like i meditate and then the last two minutes i just go like just feel
good in your body for no
reason yeah just just feel good your job on in on earth is to feel good that's
my job to make myself
to have as much serotonin flowing through my body as i possibly tone and jockey
boy yeah like and and
without without drugs or drink whatever just getting things going feeling that
is they that to me is the
mark of a life well lived yeah how good did i feel minute to minute that's the
nice thing about 12
step programs yeah is you're in a tribe you're that's probably what you like
about it oh yeah man
i just saw a guy at the gym this morning uh last night i'm somewhere and i see
yeah i went to a
meeting last night and it is man it's one of the things that i didn't have here
in la yeah is like
sitting uh just sitting across from somebody and talking about we could talk
about how we feel like
we can have conversations like this a lot of times where it's a little bit more
like
you know because yeah just like about what's going on or emotionally i need
help like hey i need help
i have to talk i have to call someone today and tell them not good news and
that kind of or something
i have to make a call and that stuff always scares me so it's like now i can
ask somebody who's done it
before or who's older than me who has a business or something how do i do this
you know and they'll
tell me and they're like it's going to be okay you don't don't let it spin in
your head where
you're up half the night you've had nine conversations with the guy yeah now i
don't
have to do that that shit doesn't have to happen i can say okay you know i'm
powerless over the
situation but somebody else i know can help me yeah and it can be a friend it
just yeah it creates
a brotherhood you know yeah i've never gone to 12-step programs i've been like
fucking i shouldn't
have come here fucking wasting my time it's always like at least nice yeah it's
at best incredibly
helpful and at least like oh this is cool yeah um yeah i got and this year my
program got real small
so i didn't have any of the tools i was needing like i had no tools i was just
like holding on
and our podcast it was just more about like helping people and being involved
in people's lives and i
just felt like disconnected at some points and uh yeah and i should have just
talked about that like
why i feel disconnected well i've watched your thing about the why you got
sober thing yeah and that's
like one of your very popular clip of yours right yeah yeah and that's what
that's what people like
about you man is that you don't understand you're like you've if you were like
a logo you'd be like
a guy just carrying a bunch of shit around oh like that guy right there on the
wall that's like you but
like you're like i don't know what but it's like feelings it's just like
emotional shit and discomfort
and like you're walking around like i don't know what to do peach cobbler where
can i put this down
fucking matches fucking fireworks like like a bunch of clothes
like wet clothes like the dryer broke and you got fucking
you just take clothes out of the washer and you're looking for like a place to
set them down
you're just carrying a bunch of shit around looking for a place to set it
and you can't figure and that's your appeal yeah that's like and people and
watching you struggle
is the emotion is like the fun of it that's the like not the fun of it but it's
it's fun to watch
a guy who doesn't think he knows what he's doing but you do know what you're
you like
you if you talk it out you'll be okay yeah i just quit talking it out man i
just didn't have a place
to talk it out and then everything uh not everything everything's good
everything's okay
but my head started to swirl that everything was you know just a lot of
negative things came in and
um and so then i just wasn't in i was living my dream and not even enjoying uh
trying to say not
enjoying it but i felt like i was just it was a i was just scared i don't know
i just felt fucking
scared and it was a huge just a lot just a lot of changes like well that's the
other thing people
don't realize about uh fame or success or something it is isolating and it's a
little scary because
you're like fuck uh it's like having a superpower somewhere you're like fuck
like people know me
not just the shit it's just different and it's less human it's less human yeah
it's less of a
human it's less of a normal human experience like even fame a thousand years
ago was like everyone
in the well everyone in the tribe knew everybody anyway but like you got a
little more respect you
felt like um i'm the shaman and people think i'm cool yeah i'm the rock thrower
yeah yeah i throw i'm
the fucking charter rocks yeah i'm the guy that fucks and it's that one guy at
night by the fire
yeah just huge fucking like big ass yeah i'm the guy that sleeps yeah yeah man
i'm gonna rest yep
uh so it is so when you get in these situations where and then we also think
like famous people
are kind of full of shit so or they're phony or they're like putting it on so
it just it's it it's a
lot of weird it's just a lot of weird dynamics yeah which is why i it eats
everybody up oh you see it
yeah and i see it in a lot of these a rooms and stuff like that you see a lot
of people and and that
gets scary too it's like well what do what type of popularity do you want how
much do you want what
is um it's just yeah it's just so all of that just a lot of that coming into my
head and just trying
to figure it out and not having a lot of not going to a lot of meetings and
having like a lot of and
trust in those things um it's a different it's a different kind of discomfort
like it's like a new
discomfort it's a new it's a new way that you don't understand the world yeah
it's like well i didn't
understand the world before and i kind of figured it out or i got out you
escape into this other like
well now i'm popular and famous and successful and then you're in that you're
like uh fuck this is its
own fucking ball it's its own rules and dynamics and shit yeah i just wanted to
feel like myself and i
just couldn't you know and so now i'm working more towards uh it's not even
working more i'm just trying
to just let go of stuff and you know kind of trust a higher power and um and
just getting back into my
program more yeah and it makes me feel more dialed in and makes me feel like i
want to help other
people and and i hadn't had that feeling for like about six months and it's
tough when that was like
the feeling that i loved the most was thinking like oh there's other people
that struggle and it's one
thing i love about you neil is that you always like are good at talking about
um like and it's not
like self-pity shit it's just like this is what's kind of going on in my head
yeah and how it's relating
to the world good evening good afternoon and other times thanks for watching
that video you just saw
i mean it was okay but the next video you could watch could be way better what
if you watch a video
right now that changes your life well you could watch this one or watch this
one watch this one watch this one
watch this one

Theo Von's Fears of Success

and it made you seem cool to get people heard that noise yeah what is that guy
what the fuck
yeah people dropping drinks and shit as you slow motion uh so so yeah it was a
big deal but you are
an analog guy yeah do you feel like that is your problem i know that's like a
big but you feel like
you're you are uncomfortable in a lot of like you seem at ill you seem at ease
and then at the same
time you feel like you don't understand what's going on some i just thought of
this recently man
i sometimes i have a i'm upset that time moves so fast it's like i just i just
feel like i can't
ever win i just can't ever really get a grasp of what's going on and it keeps
happening you know
and it really does i think sometimes frustrate me a little bit what is the what
what do you want
to get a grasp on i think just to feel like i'm kind of in control that
everything that i'm going
to be able to control like i guess that i'm in control you know that i'm okay
you know okay i got
the hang of what's going on now yeah without things changing so much and is
that within relationships or
that's within everything i think that's just within existence really yeah so i
think yeah i just uh just
thinking about that the other day i just sometimes feel uh you know not like it's
a bad thing but like
i just realized oh wow i have this this irrational idea that like almost a
resentment against time
because i can't get a control i can't it won't let me grasp everything at once
you know it won't let
me you can't organize everything as well as you need to because it just keeps
happening it keeps going and
and also then i think because i'm probably lazy sometimes and so it's like damn
give me a chance
i don't think you're lazy time i don't i don't know your schedule but you seem
pretty active yeah
am i wrong uh i think i i think i procrastinate i think sometimes you know what
i thought the other
day man i put i set this weird bar in my mind that everything needs to be
perfect or i everything
needs to be perfect but then i also know this thing about myself that i
procrastinate sometimes
and so i will set both it's like i will set the bar high oh yeah you know that
that's one of the
reasons people procrastinate is fear of perfection or not fear of perfection
they're perfectionists
so you're like well i can't start now because i'll get to uh it's not right yet
like i don't have it
set up oh yeah i'm gonna fail you're gonna fail a lot of procrastination is
just fear of failure
yeah is is feeling like you can't and then you'll start when you go well if i
don't i'm fucked if i
don't start now so that's the only like the fear of of being fucked is greater
than the uh fear of
being imperfect and then once you get to that point you go okay i'll start or
like you have to start
yeah i'm that last minute starter a lot of times but things are working out for
you man yeah things
are going okay man it's crazy this year i got in so much fear man i just got
you know it's just and
i'm not trying to sound like ungrateful or just yeah this year was just fucking
crazy bro it was
just a crazy year it was busy and it was hard and it was what did you find hard
about it because
i think people from the outside in people would assume it was it's been great
for you it's so
people would think it's probably the best year of your life right yeah and and
i think i just couldn't
feel it i just couldn't i just think i just got real scared man i got real
scared bro but what what
was that up just like of that things were gonna i think for one of not maybe
knowing who i was as
things got more successful you know like i'd always been this like i'd always
felt like i didn't
have a chance a little bit and i'd always really like um that had always been
something that really
like carried me oh yeah you were like an underdog yeah like an underdog like
underdog who wouldn't get
you were getting fucked and you were they're not helping me and yeah motherfuckers
and yeah and
then you're like oh wait they you're not i mean you are still but that's part
of your appeal yeah and
i just didn't know yeah yeah i just but then i felt like i didn't know how to
be i don't know i felt
like i didn't know how to be successful and then i got scared i started to get
real scared uh and i got
real like controlling even this year like everything just i wanted everything
to be i needed help and i
was afraid to ask for help and so then everything felt like it was on me what
did you need help with
just with just with like touring and doing that kind of stuff and being willing
to like just trust that
other people know what's good and i don't know i think i just had like a lot of
just like i mean for
me a lot of it goes back to like my alcoholism stuff it's just a lot of that
stuff just flared up
like just fear just came up everywhere yeah it just came up everywhere man i
was just i don't know man
i just got kind of scared and it's not like a self-pity thing i'm not feeling
sorry for myself
like and also i couldn't feel gratitude i really needed to feel grateful and i
was and i felt so
grateful for for the past couple years man and then i i just i just had a tough
time man and i just got
real scared honestly bro i got real what were you what were you you were afraid
that it was all
going to go away or something yeah i was afraid that i was just going to mess
it up yeah you know
i was afraid that uh you know that i was a phony i was afraid that i was like a
liar just i was afraid
that i was no good just a lot of just self-worth just didn't it just was hard
you know not in a bad
way i think the only thing that you would fuck up is if you weren't yourself
yeah i think that's the
only that's the only people like you because you are you're unique like just
watching him known you
probably eight years or something but just watching you uh it's been cool
watching you go from
i gotta say your haircut from the outside in was a turning point seemingly yeah
because you you were
just like trying to be kind of like la or appealing or something or something i
don't know what you're
trying to be just like a like just more like everybody else yeah and then you
got then you started
doing this with your hair and it felt like everything fell into place yeah like
i felt more like myself
yeah like if you felt like more like yourself and you you like you started
being more yourself on stage
yeah and being weirder on stage and being more regional or southern than you'd
been before
yeah and and and then and then you started podcast it just felt like all these
things started happening
in sequence and from the outside in and just a guy who sees you at night it
seemed like once you had
that hair it was like it was empowering am i wrong no it felt very empowering
man i think all my life
too i've had a big nose so i've always been scared to have like like real short
hair because there's
less things to hide behind you know you're here's the thing about you that i've
always said about you
that you you're good looking and you don't think you are yeah you are good
looking like i bet if they
asked most i bet most women would say you're like an eight yeah i say that if i
brush my teeth i am
an eight but i believe everybody's an eight if they take care if they clean up
and they take care of
themselves i believe that okay i don't agree okay
i respectfully disagree with that um but you're and you're definitely an eight
because you're like
kind of tang you got olive skin you got night you know like you're symmetrical
uh the big nose thing
i don't think is true i mean it's fine i have a big nose but like mine's bigger
yours i'd love that
lean yeah i got that mine's lean i got that pippin nose man dude i love that
fucking lean yeah you got
that scotty pippin um you got like meat so yeah that thing is fucking like a
thought bro i feel like
it should be in a thong sometimes bro you got that donk on your face man you
got so anyway growing my
hair longer once i was like yeah and i think for years i'd try to audition in
hollywood and been like
i just i hated it i fucking hated going to auditions yeah absolutely hated it i
felt uncomfortable
i just was scared uh yeah i just didn't i didn't like it i didn't want to admit
that i didn't like
it i was afraid to say you know what i don't like this i felt like i had to do
it and then yeah once
i just kind of like oh i never i saw some pictures of myself i said i'm never
gonna have real long hair
you know i had it when i was really young right but i'm never gonna have it
again unless i grow it now
and then once i grew my hair out man i started to feel like a fucking young
like just like a king
bro just like somebody who had a fucking it's like having a dick on the back of
your head bro
yeah it feels empowering dude it's what it looks like that because it's like
hey you know what i'm
gonna look how i look it this that's the way you have an issue this looks the
way you probably feel
it looks like your character yeah it looks like what i would assume your
character and it also looks
like your it looks like your character like your uh your values and all that
shit but it also looks
like the not like theo von's character but like the thing that's funny about
you is also that yeah it's
the guy that wants to an adult that wants his hair like this in 2019 it's
beautiful yeah is who you
are and that's like it fucking i don't i from i'm glad that i was right about
it because i was like
it seems like once he grew his hair like this everything changed yeah yeah i
guess i got scared
to like say that i wasn't feel it was hard for me to tell how i was feeling and
and then i i was like
nobody wants to hear somebody who's doing well complain nobody wants to hear
him complain yeah and so
that kind of got tough for me to like even on just the regular episodes of this
podcast uh just by
myself to talk about things because i just felt like man i just i don't want to
be i don't want
to have self-pity but i don't know what's going on right now i'm just you know
i'm just i was just i
was just scared you know i was just scared really when i think about it um and
how did it resolve or did
it it's just kind of resolving i'm just like trying to get more like in a 12
step right now and just
really focusing on that and like um were you not doing that i was but in my
that my program had
gotten real small whenever i was just working all the time yeah you know my
life got big and my
program got small yeah and i think i was angry at being at some success because
i thought i would feel
better yeah yeah that's the other thing when i got you think like well that if
putting uh conditions
on your happiness yeah going well i'm not happy now i'm not even gonna allow
myself to be happy now
because i don't deserve it yeah and then you good shit happens and and you're
like
fuck this didn't work either like what's gonna work the fuck is gonna work and
what i've i will say
that uh it is gratifying to be the times i've had like you know weeks or months
of like attention
is gratifying it feels good yeah you know what i mean it feels gratifying to it
feels shallow to
admit it but it feels good when people yeah that feels good our ego feels good
we feel good it's nice
whenever people acknowledge you yeah um and but at the same time it it shitty
that you that you that
we live i feel like it's partially like american to only be happy if you
accomplish x yeah and and
i've been trying to do a thing and it's varying degrees of success but where i'm
like no just give
yourself that esteem for not for not for nothing just for why put it on some
why leave it up to
a situation or the way to make you feel good about yourself to make me feel
good it's like i can just
feel good because life is short right and and like i you know it's like i used
to beat myself up for
not being as funny as blank and it's like all right maybe i'm never gonna be as
funny as fucking bill
or or or chris or dave or when it's like what so i'm supposed to fucking s