Name: Is Theo Von Buying a Zoo in Mexico?
Uploaded: 2020-03-30T16:00:06.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Is Theo Von Buying a Zoo in Mexico?' from Theo Von Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2020-03-30. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Is Theo Von Buying a Zoo in Mexico?' from Theo Von Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2020-03-30. Transcript available.

what else buddy of mine trying to get me to invest with him in the zoo that's
crazy but
i guess i've been lightly considering it he got the read on a uh
zoo down in sinaloa i guess down in uh mexico
so sinaloa the officially the estado libre is soberano soberano de sinaloa um
okay kind of chatty there on wikipedia about it but yeah my buddy got a read on
a
zoo that went under down there so
i don't know what to think about that you know i got caught up in some bad
investments when i was
young we did a pyramid scheme and and uh and it made me fight my peers actually
so
i guess i don't know if that's what a pyramid scheme is supposed to do but
me and my peers fucking lost a bunch of money and then we ended up fighting
um i'd love to know that actually if anybody ever done a pyramid scheme and got
lost and what the
fallout was from it locally if you'd hit the hotline with that i'm curious
about that
985-664-9503 running through the house with a pickle in your mouth
ain't no misbehaving that shit is wicked bro that's that hot beat
um so anyway we'll see man i don't know if a zoo is really gonna be my buddy
said that um
animals are real hot in mexico right now so
but i don't know that just so we'll see man if that's something that i can get
more information
about because yeah i did that we did glitter when i was young they some dude
came through you know
you know i'm not sure who it was but rolled through town and got everybody into
what um
glitter mining back when people thought glitter was a um precious
or semi-precious stone and they popped and they fucking got us
you know so uh people you know i've fallen into some you know i've fallen into
dark financial waters
dude how is financial waters not a name of a honestly a young urban gentleman
bro
that would be the best name ever
um but yeah i don't know if zooing or but animalis is real popular my buddy
said down in mexico
so we'll see but i don't know if getting involved in a zoo down there is the
best
uh overall use of of my earnings but it's uh cool down in the cool can cool can
coolie cooliacan province cooliacan see he said there's 3.216 million down
there people
and that's as of this year but who knows how many of those people are hanging
out staying there
uh but but yeah man you got to think that out of 3.216 million people you only
need how many people
at a zoo every week to make it function and make money
i bet probably 2 000 people
so if you can't get 2 000 people to go to a new zoo in mexico out of three
point
excuse me out of 3.216 then are you even a businessman that's one of my big
questions
james from san jose what's up james from san jose
shit i was just listening to your podcast now you're talking about the zoo in
the coolacan province
oh yeah my buddy got that read down there on that uh that sinaloan animal
sanctuary baby
uh yeah what do you know you have any info i don't know if you know but that's
where el chapo's
boys are and they're going ham right now so i don't know if that'd be the
smartest investment
i just wanted to give you the heads up i don't know if you've been watching the
news lately
that shit is going crazy brother gang gang gang gang man no i didn't know that
thank you for that
information that's one thing i love about this this back and forth we have here
is the information i
receive so if el chapo's boys are out there but see that's when i think people
could use an animal the
most you know a couple people getting murdered or whatever and you get to go
touch a soft animal
you know and that's like i mean it's almost like when you touch the back of a
damn beautiful
when you touch the back of a beautiful ape or a beautiful
you know a kitten or even one of those little dogs that's in a wheelchair or
something um
there's nothing more beautiful than that
than rubbing your hand it's almost like sticking your hand right into heaven's
ass you know like right into just right into heaven
when you touch the back of an animal or the back or you touch the front of a
of a you know a soft um seal or something or uh
um ostrich or yeah or something you know at a petting zoo you they let you
touch a damn
fucking lemur or something or check its throat for uh see if it's nodules or
if it might have a cold or whatever i mean that that can cure a lot of people
so i'm saying so
the thing the thing about the zoo that gets me is
could it be you know two of your friends just got beheaded you get to go look
at a couple lambs
or whatever fucking or just being together you know because it's not always
about sex you know
then that could be something that could be special
but i'll tell you know it's crazy because my boy hadn't even gotten back to me
i mean he's down
there he hadn't responded to like the past four messages so we'll see man but i
got a lot of
response about that people saying dude don't do a zoo in mexico well
yeah easy for you to say you don't have the opportunity to do it
dude i might uh a buddy of mine just asked me about investing in a zoo actually
in mexico
in sinaloa you've been there sinaloa yeah oh man they don't have any issues out
there you
should definitely do that well some of it's beach side i think if you look it
up i don't
i don't know i don't know if the animals are beach side sinala cartel would be
the main uh
issues there that's why they need people to come in and invest hold up you
think you're opening a
zoo in sinala mexico and you don't think you gotta grease the palms the cartel
there bro you think
you're bringing zebras and the porta valletta these are you think you don't
have to grease the palms
of the underworld you think you're bringing a bearded lizard past el chapo and
you don't have to grease
the palms the palms daddy you're out your goddamn mind bro dude i it look bro
it's not i don't know
a buddy of mine got a read on an uh animal investment down there dude get a
read and open it somewhere
close to us man i'll invest it it's 4 800 to get in bro can you give me any
information derrick
louis is here but can help him out louis oh wow wow dude he's racist right i
thought you told me you
were yesterday what are you what are you louis what are you what are you louis
i'm half uh salvadorian
i fucking called it dude you didn't call anything i thought he was native
american okay okay but you
kept calling mexico i didn't ask and i respected them and just kept it very oh
you man yeah latino
yeah whatever derrick yeah whatever dude it says but either way he's not even
from mexico he knows
it's a bad idea open up he's from central america okay have some respectado bro
you don't open up a
fighting petting zoo there either you know what i'm saying in a petting zoo you
asshole it's a sanctuary
for animalists will you give us some information derrick uh it's apparently not
safe to be there
for foreigners very risky and don't be out at night the most well hey the most
risky americans can't
go there and you're dumb ass trying to open up a all white people zoo it's a
dating zoo zoo it's not
a nighttime i'll say what this seems like a fucking cover-up for sex
trafficking that's what it sounds
like what a nighttime zoo nighttime zoo is a horrible idea dude that's when the
animals get frisky dude
what do you want otherwise these animals are going to be coming up here looking
for homes bro
we need to take care of these animals on their home court hit up whitney cummings
if you have a giraffe send it over right now the air quality is bad today if
you have a hippo
let me know i'll bring my truck i'll be at the corner of highland and la cienega
in nine drop off
your dogs taking all emus and larger that's what one of our votes said please
no snakes dude here's
what i'm saying sinaloa beautiful daytime is there any images if you click on sinaloa
how about this
first thing that pops up showered in a blaze of bullets yeah it's not no you're
not opening a zoo
there dude you fucking click on an image they're all burning trucks yeah they
have the worst it's
they're all just trucks hey you know what you should do open open a fucking pet
and zoo in syria
right now dude like this isn't the spot homeboy they're all just burnt i do
want to open up actually
a uh a company like a cling wrap company in syria called syrian wrap you think
people would buy it
no dude whatever dude well listen to this man animals deserve love everywhere
and i think
do it it's 48 hundy you know and i know it's expensive but to know that animals
are doing well
there and how about that one of the whole cities on fire which one you eyeballing
right there in the
middle oh that's where they're looking for people that down like that one oh
that's just a bunch of
dead bodies that's a bunch of dead bodies that were put in the river yeah that's
tough oh there's
sonora one of the mexico's most violent states but you know what makes people
relax and calm down
guinea pigs si animales oh look at the sheep put your guns away man forget the
drugs today homes yeah
i like lambs it's steel vans camo over here bro yeah bro oh look the rat king
have a fucking uh uh
porcupine up here porcupine that'd be awesome man well look man sorry i want to
invest in mexico dude
no this is how it happens people want to invest in mexico they get turned down
by a guy who's wearing
an eagle's jacket but doesn't want to support igales huh what about the igales
huh what about the
flamingo dude i like my flamingo hey are there eagles in mexico mexican eagles
look it up
mexican eagle nope bald eagle i would assume he's the america's logo because of
uh you can only get
them here eagles in mexico unlike anybody they're found throughout the world
the bald eagle is found
only in north america you get so goddamn red white and blue northern mexico
only found in north america
dude that's their that's the mexican eagle right there no hold up it says the
ball no hold up the
bald eagle only found in north america bald eagles are found throughout most of
the north america from
alaska canada wow fantastic that nope i didn't see that other part there we go
well luis is from
central america dude yeah dude you kept calling him mexican i and then you
thought he was here yesterday
well he led me to believe some things oh hey central america believe in ghost
science science espiritu no that's about all the spanish i have yeah white
camera guy ghost
amen your mama and papa believe them yep yeah your mom does you don't know if
his mother does because
he's white don't pick on him all right everybody deserves a fucking chance bro
everybody dude yeah
man so look man good luck with the petting zoo in mexico dude it's not for petting
dude and they need
better pr for sinaloa man yeah yo this is gary from uh pennsylvania what's up gary
oh hey gary hey gary
hey hey hey gary hey gary you know i thought when i was young i thought my name
was gary for a
little while because somebody lied to me but i told myself i forgot that it was
me that had told
myself that isn't that crazy let's hear more yeah gang uh you know i just i'm
listening to your one
of your latest podcasts and um some dude called about el chapel being down in
the sinaloa you know
down there with the sinaloa cartel oh yeah that's down there with that animal
sanctuary i was trying
to get in with and i haven't heard from that guy i mean that's the only thing i'm
not going to invest
if i can't even get a text back from the guy i hope he's all right onward and i
have to agree with
him man i don't think this is a good investment just uh the last few weeks el
chapel's son was kidnapped
and uh his whole cartels try to set the whole city on fire you know obviously
you know i'm not an
investment or anything but i would recommend against it you know as a civilian
well look man i feel you
thank you i want to say that thank you very much the only thing i'm thinking
look if they're burning
if they're burning property you know what's running out of the fire animales
okay penguins um giraffes burros um
parats um falcons uh perros gatos pescados
um i don't matter deals so i'm talking about getting free uh i'm talking about
getting you know
stocking up my warehouse for free if they're down and burning it down so you
got to think reverse
psychology sometimes when it come to an investment but um but i appreciate it
man let's hear a little
bit more i didn't mean to shut you off there brother but uh i just don't want
to see you guys
school over and that shit is on fire down there but uh yeah but fire i mean
here's the thing dude
after fire comes a lot of beauty
think about the big bang theory
think about that think about that song fire on the mountain
you get a mountain think about um
let's hear more from you i'm out of ideas on it
i think you do better and it doesn't look really good like people i'm not even
trying to
they're not even trying to go outside recently so just be careful when you do
man
gang bro uh muchas gracias and i do appreciate that it's very sweet of you to
call especially
you know probably having a little bit more of an intel to the
to the deal yeah it's 4 500 to get in on a zoo down there
and here's the tempting thing i've always wanted to own a zoo
i don't think there's a man out there that doesn't want to have a that have a
little bit of tarzan in
in their nuts
you know you lift up my arm you just hear oh
you know i got everybody's got that thing that that beast in them i got that
beast infection
and i you know just thinking about just being at night and just having a
unicorn outside or not
a unicorn that's but having a you know a um you know an exotic horse with nice
hair think about that
imagine a horse that's just been been cornrowed its whole body nobody's doing
that that's what we do
with the mexican zoo el zoologico de mexico
so i'm saying 4500 to get in on a
you know on a cinaloan zoo that's it sounds it doesn't sound like much
you know what i'm saying you're talking about some real serious animals
you're talking about a uh south american eagle think about that
bitch boy you know what i'm saying dude he's gonna be bald he's gonna have
tattoos
bro he's gonna have one of his claws real sharp
i'm just saying man you're gonna have some really exotic animals at that zoo
you're gonna have a giraffe dude maybe in a um but he got all kind of neck tats
think about that
ms 13 ms 14 ms 15 ms 16 and all the way on through you know till he graduated
high school
so there's just the possibilities are um endless on the type of animals you
could have in a mexican zoo
so you have to think about it all i appreciate you though brother
and thank you man thanks for calling in it's nice of you oh man here we go we
got another call that
came in on we're oh wait uh here we go yo theo it's chuck from mississippi uh
taxidermy buddy listen
i was just thinking about your little zoo project what's up chuck dude yeah
chuck man what's going on
oh you're calling about the zoo too chuck sent me a whole bunch of beautiful
thing of meat elk and
everything elk um shit i don't know what all is in there dude i've had a couple
pieces of it it is
tangy let's hear more thanks chuck i think it's a winner dude you get that zoo
i'll come out i'll do
the taxidermy hitter on those animals you won't even have to feed them no more
man people just come
have them nice all posed up listen i think it's a winner i'm gonna go ahead and
order some materials
you get after you got my number oh dude we don't have the funds for materials
yet man we're still
dealing with the preliminary ordeals we're still dealing with the first you
know potential ordeals brother
and you got to make it through potential ordeals maybe before you get into the
secondary
level which is what you're trying to be at
but i don't that's not a bad idea maybe taxidermy zoo in mexico like almost
like a ripley's believe it or not but for animals
and dude some of the animals could even have a gunshot or something in them
you know you see a large mouth bass out there with two slugs under its fin you're
like damn
there's more than one way to cook a fish gang brother thanks for calling chuck
man i miss you
dog good evening good afternoon and other times thanks for watching that video
you just saw i mean
it was okay but the next video you could watch could be way better what if you
watch a video right now
that changes your life well you could watch this one or watch this one watch
this one watch this one watch
this one ah

Is Theo Von Buying a Zoo in Mexico?

what else buddy of mine trying to get me to invest with him in the zoo that's
crazy but
i guess i've been lightly considering it he got the read on a uh
zoo down in sinaloa i guess down in uh mexico
so sinaloa the officially the estado libre is soberano soberano de sinaloa um
okay kind of chatty there on wikipedia about it but yeah my buddy got a read on
a
zoo that went under down there so
i don't know what to think about that you know i got caught up in some bad
investments when i was
young we did a pyramid scheme and and uh and it made me fight my peers actually
so
i guess i don't know if that's what a pyramid scheme is supposed to do but
me and my peers fucking lost a bunch of money and then we ended up fighting
um i'd love to know that actually if anybody ever done a pyramid scheme and got
lost and what the
fallout was from it locally if you'd hit the hotline with that i'm curious
about that
985-664-9503 running through the house with a pickle in your mouth
ain't no misbehaving that shit is wicked bro that's that hot beat
um so anyway we'll see man i don't know if a zoo is really gonna be my buddy
said that um
animals are real hot in mexico right now so
but i don't know that just so we'll see man if that's something that i can get
more information
about because yeah i did that we did glitter when i was young they some dude
came through you know
you know i'm not sure who it was but rolled through town and got everybody into
what um
glitter mining back when people thought glitter was a um precious
or semi-precious stone and they popped and they fucking got us
you know so uh people you know i've fallen into some you know i've fallen into
dark financial waters
dude how is financial waters not a name of a honestly a young urban gentleman
bro
that would be the best name ever
um but yeah i don't know if zooing or but animalis is real popular my buddy
said down in mexico
so we'll see but i don't know if getting involved in a zoo down there is the
best
uh overall use of of my earnings but it's uh cool down in the cool can cool can
coolie cooliacan province cooliacan see he said there's 3.216 million down
there people
and that's as of this year but who knows how many of those people are hanging
out staying there
uh but but yeah man you got to think that out of 3.216 million people you only
need how many people
at a zoo every week to make it function and make money
i bet probably 2 000 people
so if you can't get 2 000 people to go to a new zoo in mexico out of three
point
excuse me out of 3.216 then are you even a businessman that's one of my big
questions
james from san jose what's up james from san jose
shit i was just listening to your podcast now you're talking about the zoo in
the coolacan province
oh yeah my buddy got that read down there on that uh that sinaloan animal
sanctuary baby
uh yeah what do you know you have any info i don't know if you know but that's
where el chapo's
boys are and they're going ham right now so i don't know if that'd be the
smartest investment
i just wanted to give you the heads up i don't know if you've been watching the
news lately
that shit is going crazy brother gang gang gang gang man no i didn't know that
thank you for that
information that's one thing i love about this this back and forth we have here
is the information i
receive so if el chapo's boys are out there but see that's when i think people
could use an animal the
most you know a couple people getting murdered or whatever and you get to go
touch a soft animal
you know and that's like i mean it's almost like when you touch the back of a
damn beautiful
when you touch the back of a beautiful ape or a beautiful
you know a kitten or even one of those little dogs that's in a wheelchair or
something um
there's nothing more beautiful than that
than rubbing your hand it's almost like sticking your hand right into heaven's
ass you know like right into just right into heaven
when you touch the back of an animal or the back or you touch the front of a
of a you know a soft um seal or something or uh
um ostrich or yeah or something you know at a petting zoo you they let you
touch a damn
fucking lemur or something or check its throat for uh see if it's nodules or
if it might have a cold or whatever i mean that that can cure a lot of people
so i'm saying so
the thing the thing about the zoo that gets me is
could it be you know two of your friends just got beheaded you get to go look
at a couple lambs
or whatever fucking or just being together you know because it's not always
about sex you know
then that could be something that could be special
but i'll tell you know it's crazy because my boy hadn't even gotten back to me
i mean he's down
there he hadn't responded to like the past four messages so we'll see man but i
got a lot of
response about that people saying dude don't do a zoo in mexico well
yeah easy for you to say you don't have the opportunity to do it
dude i might uh a buddy of mine just asked me about investing in a zoo actually
in mexico
in sinaloa you've been there sinaloa yeah oh man they don't have any issues out
there you
should definitely do that well some of it's beach side i think if you look it
up i don't
i don't know i don't know if the animals are beach side sinala cartel would be
the main uh
issues there that's why they need people to come in and invest hold up you
think you're opening a
zoo in sinala mexico and you don't think you gotta grease the palms the cartel
there bro you think
you're bringing zebras and the porta valletta these are you think you don't
have to grease the palms
of the underworld you think you're bringing a bearded lizard past el chapo and
you don't have to grease
the palms the palms daddy you're out your goddamn mind bro dude i it look bro
it's not i don't know
a buddy of mine got a read on an uh animal investment down there dude get a
read and open it somewhere
close to us man i'll invest it it's 4 800 to get in bro can you give me any
information derrick
louis is here but can help him out louis oh wow wow dude he's racist right i
thought you told me you
were yesterday what are you what are you louis what are you what are you louis
i'm half uh salvadorian
i fucking called it dude you didn't call anything i thought he was native
american okay okay but you
kept calling mexico i didn't ask and i respected them and just kept it very oh
you man yeah latino
yeah whatever derrick yeah whatever dude it says but either way he's not even
from mexico he knows
it's a bad idea open up he's from central america okay have some respectado bro
you don't open up a
fighting petting zoo there either you know what i'm saying in a petting zoo you
asshole it's a sanctuary
for animalists will you give us some information derrick uh it's apparently not
safe to be there
for foreigners very risky and don't be out at night the most well hey the most
risky americans can't
go there and you're dumb ass trying to open up a all white people zoo it's a
dating zoo zoo it's not
a nighttime i'll say what this seems like a fucking cover-up for sex
trafficking that's what it sounds
like what a nighttime zoo nighttime zoo is a horrible idea dude that's when the
animals get frisky dude
what do you want otherwise these animals are going to be coming up here looking
for homes bro
we need to take care of these animals on their home court hit up whitney cummings
if you have a giraffe send it over right now the air quality is bad today if
you have a hippo
let me know i'll bring my truck i'll be at the corner of highland and la cienega
in nine drop off
your dogs taking all emus and larger that's what one of our votes said please
no snakes dude here's
what i'm saying sinaloa beautiful daytime is there any images if you click on sinaloa
how about this
first thing that pops up showered in a blaze of bullets yeah it's not no you're
not opening a zoo
there dude you fucking click on an image they're all burning trucks yeah they
have the worst it's
they're all just trucks hey you know what you should do open open a fucking pet
and zoo in syria
right now dude like this isn't the spot homeboy they're all just burnt i do
want to open up actually
a uh a company like a cling wrap company in syria called syrian wrap you think
people would buy it
no dude whatever dude well listen to this man animals deserve love everywhere
and i think
do it it's 48 hundy you know and i know it's expensive but to know that animals
are doing well
there and how about that one of the whole cities on fire which one you eyeballing
right there in the
middle oh that's where they're looking for people that down like that one oh
that's just a bunch of
dead bodies that's a bunch of dead bodies that were put in the river yeah that's
tough oh there's
sonora one of the mexico's most violent states but you know what makes people
relax and calm down
guinea pigs si animales oh look at the sheep put your guns away man forget the
drugs today homes yeah
i like lambs it's steel vans camo over here bro yeah bro oh look the rat king
have a fucking uh uh
porcupine up here porcupine that'd be awesome man well look man sorry i want to
invest in mexico dude
no this is how it happens people want to invest in mexico they get turned down
by a guy who's wearing
an eagle's jacket but doesn't want to support igales huh what about the igales
huh what about the
flamingo dude i like my flamingo hey are there eagles in mexico mexican eagles
look it up
mexican eagle nope bald eagle i would assume he's the america's logo because of
uh you can only get
them here eagles in mexico unlike anybody they're found throughout the world
the bald eagle is found
only in north america you get so goddamn red white and blue northern mexico
only found in north america
dude that's their that's the mexican eagle right there no hold up it says the
ball no hold up the
bald eagle only found in north america bald eagles are found throughout most of
the north america from
alaska canada wow fantastic that nope i didn't see that other part there we go
well luis is from
central america dude yeah dude you kept calling him mexican i and then you
thought he was here yesterday
well he led me to believe some things oh hey central america believe in ghost
science science espiritu no that's about all the spanish i have yeah white
camera guy ghost
amen your mama and papa believe them yep yeah your mom does you don't know if
his mother does because
he's white don't pick on him all right everybody deserves a fucking chance bro
everybody dude yeah
man so look man good luck with the petting zoo in mexico dude it's not for petting
dude and they need
better pr for sinaloa man yeah yo this is gary from uh pennsylvania what's up gary
oh hey gary hey gary
hey hey hey gary hey gary you know i thought when i was young i thought my name
was gary for a
little while because somebody lied to me but i told myself i forgot that it was
me that had told
myself that isn't that crazy let's hear more yeah gang uh you know i just i'm
listening to your one
of your latest podcasts and um some dude called about el chapel being down in
the sinaloa you know
down there with the sinaloa cartel oh yeah that's down there with that animal
sanctuary i was trying
to get in with and i haven't heard from that guy i mean that's the only thing i'm
not going to invest
if i can't even get a text back from the guy i hope he's all right onward and i
have to agree with
him man i don't think this is a good investment just uh the last few weeks el
chapel's son was kidnapped
and uh his whole cartels try to set the whole city on fire you know obviously
you know i'm not an
investment or anything but i would recommend against it you know as a civilian
well look man i feel you
thank you i want to say that thank you very much the only thing i'm thinking
look if they're burning
if they're burning property you know what's running out of the fire animales
okay penguins um giraffes burros um
parats um falcons uh perros gatos pescados
um i don't matter