Name: Theo Von Takes Call From Struggling Alcoholic
Uploaded: 2020-04-06T16:00:02.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Theo Von Takes Call From Struggling Alcoholic' from Theo Von Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2020-04-06. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Theo Von Takes Call From Struggling Alcoholic' from Theo Von Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2020-04-06. Transcript available.

Hey, Theo. I'm like you, man. I got that monkey on my back. And I just don't
know what to do anymore.
Thank you for calling, man. Let's hear more.
But, listen, man, I've been sober a handful of times and I've had a few years
under my belt.
And I've always gone back to the dark side, you know.
And, man, I'm 42 years old.
I've got these beautiful kids.
And I got three of them and they're amazing.
And I'm just starting to run out of gas, man.
Like I can't hold up like I used to.
And the drinking is just tearing me down.
I feel ashamed to call on this line and sit here and cry.
But I'm tired, man.
It's wearing me out.
And I'm so tired and I don't feel hopeless about getting back in the program.
And I think that's the main reason I'm calling.
Because I don't know how to get that hope going again and believe that I can do
this one more time.
I just don't know how to live sober.
Scares the hell out of me.
Right?
These kids depend on me.
And that's a lot of pressure.
And I didn't grow up like a lot of people.
I think I grew up kind of like you.
And I don't really know how to handle shit, man.
I'm just trying real hard.
But it's getting harder.
And I'm starting to fuck things up.
And, you know, I was talking to my buddy.
He's been my sponsor a bunch of times.
But anyway, he said, you know, he was talking to me about the gambler.
And about how the gambler just keeps playing until they lose.
That they're actually playing to lose.
And I think that might be the case for me for some reason.
Like, I don't know how to stop this thing.
Anyway, man, I don't know what I'm trying to say to you.
And I don't even know why I'm calling you about it.
You know, like, it seems like the right thing to do would be like,
well, hey, take your ass to a meeting, you dummy.
And I hear that where I live, man.
Sometimes meetings, they don't really provide what you need.
Not a lot of great meetings around here.
But, man, here's the deal, man.
I just want to stop this shit, man.
And I just want to be a good dad.
I just want my kids, I just want to be something that my kids can look up to.
And have pride in and want to be like.
But that's not what they're seeing right now.
And it's killing me, man.
Thanks for calling, man.
I appreciate it.
I'm sorry that you're having a tough time.
You know,
as brave of you to call.
You know, it shows that,
or to me, it shows that you care about yourself.
Yeah, I can relate a lot, man.
I can relate a lot.
I think we are a lot the same.
You know, I just keep trying, but
I was just not finding solution,
not finding comfort.
Man, it gets tiring.
It gets so tiring, just
the energy we spend,
just spinning our wheels, man.
And the gambler,
that's a good reference by your friend.
Yeah, sometimes just keep playing just to lose.
You know, sometimes when I would smoke cigarettes,
I would smoke them and I would be,
I'd burn half of one,
I'd start smoking the next one.
Before I even finished the one I was on,
I'd put it out and start smoking the next one.
Because I wasn't smoking to enjoy smoking.
I was smoking just to burn myself down.
I wanted to cook my heart like a damn little chicken.
Because I had control over that.
Yeah, just playing to lose, man.
I don't care if I lose,
but at least I lose, you know.
I'm in control if I lose.
That's this thing that,
that's this story that there is.
That's the feeling.
You know, watch me wreck my life.
Don't, don't you care?
That was this thing always inside of me.
Watch me, you know, watch me.
You know, when it came to my addiction and stuff
or when it comes to it,
that's a story that's inside of me sometimes
or that can be inside of me.
Watch me ruin everything.
Because I'm in control of that.
It's so hard to let go of control.
That's the thing.
It's so hard to,
I mean, you're doing it right there.
When you, man, you're saying,
you're tired.
Man, I know that tiredness, brother.
I'm tired.
I'm tired.
I'm tired.
I'm feeling alone.
I'm tired of not.
I'm tired of also not even being there for myself.
I mean, that's the loneliest, bro,
when you don't even have yourself.
Because you've done set up
so many little goals for yourself
and not achieved them
every time and time again
that you don't even trust yourself.
and my experience,
because, I mean, I've had, you know,
I've had a recent experience with this
of
just being sick of myself, man.
I got sick of myself this year.
You know, one of the best years of my life
in some circles
and I just didn't feel good.
You know, I didn't,
and it's not,
and so what I was doing was
I wasn't doing anything
to take care of myself, really.
I had to start doing things different.
I had to take action.
You know, and
I'm not telling you what to do,
but what has worked for me
is taking action.
In the meetings,
sometimes I go to the meetings
and the program works.
I don't deny that
12-step that recovery works.
And it's contrary action.
That's the action
I have to take a lot of times.
You know,
when I don't want to go to the meeting,
when I don't want to pray,
when I don't want to
ask for help.
It's so hard to ask for help
because, you know,
we, you know,
we feel like we're the only person
that cares about us, so,
and we've always been
the only person
that cares about us, so
to ask for help
is like a weakness, you know.
That's what I've found for myself.
But,
but it's not, man.
There's so many gifts
on the other side of that.
There's so many gifts on
in that book.
It's not even about the meetings.
It's about that book.
It's about the process.
You know,
you could be in any meeting.
You could be in the worst meeting.
And it's about,
really,
it's,
it's about the meeting
that you have with yourself.
Meeting yourself
in your heart
and saying,
hey,
I got to do things different.
You know,
I really do want
something different for me.
I want
to have some self-esteem.
I want to
feel good.
I want to,
I want my kids
to look at me
and know I'm gonna
do whatever I say
I'm gonna do
or,
or them to trust me
and be reliable.
all the things
that I always hated
because I felt like
they weren't there
for me
are the things
that
my alcoholism
wants me to become.
You know,
drugs and alcohol
for me
are just a side effect.
those are just,
I don't even know
if I have addiction
to those things
but I have addiction
to,
but I have addiction,
man.
I have,
you know,
just not feeling good
about yourself.
I can relate,
man.
I'm sorry
that you're dealing
with it,
man.
I'm sorry.
I really am,
brother.
Man.
And it's hard
to go to those meetings.
It's hard to say,
yeah,
I'm gonna do this
for myself.
It's hard to go back.
It's hard to sit
in a meeting
that's not even
fun or good.
Sometimes I'll go
to meetings
that's not even good
and I stay.
It's just a test
so then
that's just
a test
of patience.
But doing the work,
doing the 12 steps,
man,
there is
a brighter side
to it.
And I'm sorry
that you feel,
I'm assuming
you probably
just feel so alone,
bro.
But that's just
a feeling,
man.
That's not true.
The truth is
there's probably
a lot of people
that care about you.
And I'm one of them,
man.
Count me in.
You know,
when you said
that we're a lot alike,
man,
I knew right then
when you said that
that we are.
And I didn't know it
in my ears
and in my brain.
I just knew it
in my heart.
There was nothing.
There's nobody could,
you could cut
a million cables,
bro,
and you couldn't
disconnect that fact
from me.
We are a lot alike,
man.
And this isn't
a self-pity thing.
This ain't
a pity party.
It's the strongest
thing to do.
To say,
I want to have
a bigger experience
inside of my heart.
That's where the joy,
that's where the circus is.
I want to be a billionaire
in my aortas,
brother.
That's what I want.
And I believe,
you have to believe,
or I have to believe
that there is a way.
I have to believe that.
But man,
I tell you that
that those 12 steps
do work.
And if you're having
trouble, man,
maybe, you know,
ask your God
or ask God
or ask your higher power
for some willingness.
You know,
God,
just make me willing.
God,
please today,
just help me have
some willingness
to try something different.
to try some contrary action.
Man,
I do stuff.
Last night,
some friends invited me
to a hockey game.
First hockey game
I had a chance to go to.
I didn't want to go
because something inside of me
wants to isolate.
It wants to be by myself.
It wants to,
you know,
let my feelings of,
you know,
less than.
It wants to let them out
like squirrels
and let them run around
all over my body.
But,
I say,
yes,
I will go.
Yes,
I will be there
at this time.
And I went.
And dude,
I had a great time.
I had a great time
and that's contrary action.
I learned that
from,
you know,
the program.
Because I don't want
to do contrary action
a lot of times.
I want to do it my way.
Because that's the way
I always did it,
I felt like.
I did things my way.
Nobody cared.
I'm doing it my way.
And that works
for a long time.
That worked for me
for a long time
until it didn't work anymore.
You know,
until it just
didn't work anymore.
And that's okay.
I recognize that
that pattern doesn't work
and I need to
develop a new pattern.
But I believe you.
I believe in you, man.
I believe that you can do it.
And you got three
beautiful kids, dude.
That's awesome, man.
You got those gifts, man.
You got gifts.
You got gifts
flying out of your
dick, brother.
Honestly.
You know,
I hate to be profane
like that,
but
I wasn't going to say that
and then I just said it,
but
but man,
you got a big heart, bro.
You can do it, man.
If you really want it,
you can do it.
I believe in you, man.
And I bet you
believe in you, too.
We're strong-willed, bro.
When we want to do something,
we can do it.
And
I love you, bro.
Gang, man.
Thank you for the call.
Good evening,
good afternoon
and other times.
Thanks for watching
that video you just saw.
I mean,
it was okay.
But
the next video you can watch
could be way better.
What if you watch a video
right now
that changes your life?
Well, you could.
Watch this one.
Or
watch this one.
Watch this one.
Watch this one.
Watch this one.
Ah!