Name: You Are Your Child's Government
Uploaded: 2020-04-20T16:06:27.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'You Are Your Child's Government' from Theo Von Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2020-04-20. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'You Are Your Child's Government' from Theo Von Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2020-04-20. Transcript available.

I just wanted to let you know that I'm watching this past weekend tonight,
Monday, March 24th.
You asked her opinion on the coronavirus and I wanted to let you know that it
has affected my life some because work has slowed down a lot.
People are worried about getting laid off.
But at the same time...
People are worried about getting laid too. Damn.
I'll tell you, coronavirus has locked up all of the huasi and wiener that there
ever was, man.
J.C., bro.
J.C. to the max, dawg.
Jesus Christ.
Onward.
But what were you talking about, brother?
I'm not scared because I have you on this past weekend.
I'm sorry, man.
I'm going to go back on your call because I interrupted it kind of with being
perverse, really.
Honestly, man.
So let's go again.
And I wanted to let you know that it has affected my life some because work has
slowed down a lot.
People are worried about getting laid off.
But at the same time, I'm not scared because I have you on this past weekend
and King of the Sting and everything's been going good as far as I can know
because my kids are going to be taken care of.
And everything's just good.
I'm going to interrupt you, man, because, you know, when you say your kids are
going to be taken care of, this is something that a lot of people aren't saying.
You know, I see a lot of people right now blaming the government.
Oh, the government.
We don't have enough masks.
We don't have enough masks, boy.
We don't have enough masks, boy.
Nobody knew this was going to happen.
People say, well, they knew and this and that.
And here's the thing.
If you have children, if you have yourself, that's your responsibility.
The government, it's not the government.
The government is just people.
It's our responsibility to take care of ourselves.
The government is just a little is just a very an intricate stack of systems.
That's all it is.
Run by people, human beings.
Well, you don't have your kid doesn't have a mask.
You don't have enough food stuff at the house.
That's your fault.
I don't have bottled water.
I don't have a Kool-Aid powder.
You know what I'm saying?
I don't have a sack of almonds or a sack of hazelnuts.
That's my fault.
Oh, there's not going to be masks for our kids.
There's not that.
If you're a parent, that's your fault.
It's not the government's responsibility to take care of you.
You had children.
You need to have shit at the house in case they're hungry.
I just, this, like, it's just people share all of this, this man, they don't,
oh, they ain't even got the damn, uh, my boy, little, uh, little Derek.
Yeah.
And he ain't even had a biscuit in a month.
We'll fucking get him a biscuit then.
You know, I know that there are like, um, I know that like, you know, people
run out of money.
I'm not trying to be insensitive to that.
I know that, um, you know, uh, that people don't have unlimited, um, that
people don't have unlimited, uh, what is it called when you hit things like a
group of things?
Um, people don't have resources.
I know that, but if we're not, if we have to be prepared for life, I think that's,
we're, I think we're really lucky right now.
A lot of us are getting a learning lesson.
Like, I don't, you know, I don't have children and this and that, but if I don't
have, if I'm not prepared, that's my fault.
You know, I just get, just the finger pointing to me gets really, and, and the
news channels too, you know, I don't watch a lot of the news.
I see some of it on my phone and I'll put the apps on and take them off.
But, um, and on Twitter, just, it's like, wow, the, if you're, the second you
start expecting the government to take care of you, you've already lost cat
daddy.
So yeah, just like what I'm saying is, and I need to be more constructive here,
even for myself.
It's our responsibility.
If you have a child and your child doesn't, you know, something goes down and
you can't, you, you don't have something for your kid.
What are you going to look in your kid's eyes?
Your kid's like, dad, I don't, dad, I don't, dad, what about dad?
And you're going to tell your kid, oh, the government, the government, man, no,
you're, you're the government for your child.
You're your child's government.
So you're Abe, you're Abe Lincoln in your house.
So you got to tighten up, you know, and sorry, I didn't mean to jump on, but
that shit got me fired.
That shit just, man, it boils my, it boils my beef, bro.
It just boils my beef, man.
When everybody, they, you know, they should have, people should, why didn't we,
we should have done this?
Well, I'm telling you, wait, nah, it's our, as a human, I'm not going to lay
there on my deathbed and be like, oh man, the government didn't,
they didn't have enough mass for this or that, they didn't have enough, oh,
they didn't, I didn't get that bag of oatmeal from them.
Well, well, bro.
Get your oatmeal.
This is a practice run for everybody.
If shit got really, really wild.
If the interstate turns into a damn water slide.
It could get wild, man.
So I'm just saying, this is, you're your kid's government.
It's our responsibility, man.
I'm rambling, but you know what, you feel what I'm saying.
I just don't like that extra blame shit, man.
I just don't like it.
And I know that, I'm not saying people don't need to be subsidized and it's not
helpful and this is a great time to help each other.
But, you know, just that man brought it up that, you know, he is fortunately
feeling okay.
And, you know, his kids are okay.
And we have to be our own governments as well.
You know, this is teaching me.
I have to prepare.
I have to have the things in place that I need.
And I'm grateful that there's this grace period of time when things are
comfortable enough.
There's still enough money where there's still enough of a government can give
people money.
And we're really fortunate right now.
You know, I don't know if this is happening in every country around the world,
but I know that in America right now that the government is saying,
hey, we're going to mail you some money.
Man, I'm pretty fortunate.
I need to work on my gratitude, man.
Yeah, I didn't mean to get all, just shit got me bent up, man.
But anybody could get it, okay?
Oh, I can roller skate, you know.
My dad used to roller skate.
I can't get it.
You could get it, wheels.
All right?
You could get it out there.
And who the fuck is still roller skating, bruh?
You could get it.
Good evening, good afternoon, and other times.
Thanks for watching that video you just saw.
I mean, it was okay.
But the next video you could watch could be way better.
What if you watch a video right now that changes your life?
Well, you could.
Watch this one.
Or, watch this one.
Watch this one.
Watch this one.
Watch this one.
Ah!
Oh!