Name: No Prom?! | Theo Von
Uploaded: 2020-04-25T16:00:00.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'No Prom?! | Theo Von' from Theo Von Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2020-04-25. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'No Prom?! | Theo Von' from Theo Von Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2020-04-25. Transcript available.

let's take some other calls that came here here we go hey theo my name's tony
from wichita kansas
hey there tony and tony is a nickname also for anthony or um uh antonio onward
um i'm just
listening to your podcast right now and you're talking about the seniors not
being able to have
prom and all we've missed and i'm one of those uh students i'm a senior this
year uh canceled prom
i don't know when i'm going to be able to walk the stage for graduation my
birthday is on april 17th
and i was going to sign at my school to a college for wrestling and now i can't
have any of that and
it's just man it's hard doing online school being stuck in the house all day um
man i love your show
gang gang brother yeah that's i mean i i mean i can't imagine we talked a
little bit about it last
week i can't imagine that you know you can't you you know you got to sneak
around if you want to
touch a titty or do something and at your age i look i'm going to say this i'm
going to tell you
you know at your age there's probably some women you're like i don't know if i'm
really into them
but if they want to mingle touch that titty baby okay because later in life you
will want to remember
touching it even if it was mediocre
you know i remember a girl over there in um north carolina and that's one of
the premier 50 states
over there near the east coast but kind of in the south kind of people kind of
don't know where it is
and it starts with north even though it's in the south so it's obviously also
lost but a beautiful
place man they got mountains they got valleys they got all kind of shit uh and
the um what was i
talking about oh they had a girl there her breast felt like a pair of damn uh
shit diapers really
you know baby diapers and when you squeak you ever seen a baby's diaper when it's
full
if you get that hot little that bottom sack on a baby and they fill that thing
up that thing
there's nothing more kind of fun really than seeing a full diaper hang off a
baby's bottom that shit is
funny you know what i'm saying when a day that baby is badass that's kind of
the tony stewart of
babies if you see a bunch of babies run around in a um oval or a big track or
circle or even just run
by you and you see a couple of them got clean diapers and then that one baby
goes by with that
fucking fat back caboose bro and that thing is just you know that that rump has
been chunking bro
or that thing's been front dripping dog and that diaper is full god damn there's
something really
you're like oh that's the tony stewart of babies right there
um but anyway this lady's breasts were like that
and when you kind of squeezed them they stayed in the shape you squeezed them
in
which is unprecedented really if you think about that
you know really think about it think about a uh
a titty or something that looks like a titty
okay think about it you got the thought
okay now squeeze it or something
now take your hand off and it stays in the squeezed shape
and you didn't squeeze hard you squeezed just a decent amount
you know you squeezed just a cozy the normal amount of squeeze a titty would
want
and it stays like that praise god brother
but that's how this lady so
and i remember the next day i'd ridden up there with a band a group of
um a group of musicians what were they called
this is when i was living in charleston south carolina over there
um
this band man they let me get on stage sometimes
and i would wear small shirts and the shirts didn't fit me that well
because i hit a late growth spurt in my
and but i hadn't really purchased made any purchases to
to you know really cover myself since the spurt
and um
jeez i'm going off track
uh what i'm telling you is this dude
that
if you get a chance bruh
go and you
you just
you
you won't regret it usually
you won't regret
reaching for that opportune tit bruh
you won't regret it man
you're not going to think years later
man
good thing i didn't
you know
put a couple dollars in the tank
and go over there and touch a little breast
touch that fucking big front knuckle
you feel me
so
but anyway man what was your problem
yeah dude i'm sorry you can't go to prom man
that shit is heartbreaking
and
and that you know
not to
imagine being a senior in high school
it's your
you're so excited
you know
it's your year man
you get to walk around
one of your friends has a beard
all of a sudden
you're like damn jake
he's like yeah i know
oh yeah
oh
you know things are happening
one of your
you know one of your friends gets knocked up
little deandra
you're like damn
deandra
just going on in huh
yeah i'm gonna have a guess i'm gonna keep it
all right deandra
you know people are making choices
one of your
and you don't get that
you don't get to see that every day
you don't get that experience
man i'm
i mean i am real sorry man
it's heartbreaking bro
it's heartbreaking
but i think that there's going to be others
so there's going to be some other great experience in your life
that's going to happen
because of this
there's going to be some way that this shakes out
that's going to be
pretty awesome man
will it be as awesome as your senior year of high school though
people i do not know bro
i don't want to lie to you man
and to not have prom
think about people not having prom right now
that's got to be hectic
not having prom
there are people
there's youngsters missing the prom
that's why i said that we should have amazon prom
you get a box in the mail
it's got a whole prom in it
in the box
you know it's thirteen dollars
it's sixty dollars for the upsell
you know you get the
you know
you get you get the whole thing in the box
you get a little thing of
lights
some christmas lights
you know you get a poster
it says
a night to remember
or
you know a walk in the smog
or something
you get that
you know you get a corset
you get a
you know you get a picture of two people eating
overpriced italian food
you get
then you get somebody vomits
for an extra thirteen dollars
so that they
somebody vomits in your car an hour later
that's prom
that's amazon prom
you know tiffany don't have a bra
so she gotta borrow
uh janet's
you know one of janet's
a piece of leg hosiery
um
you know uh
what is that called
um
panty
one of them
you know uh
uh
leg
looks like uh
like a panty
you know what i'm talking about
they gotta tie a
um
what is that
hosiery
they gotta tie a hosiery
under a breast
and they gotta borrow that
that's amazon
one of those is in there
you know
you get a
a hit of acid
somebody gave you
don't even work
that's in there too
that's six dollars
dude
you got it
amazon prom
you get everything
you get that angry parent
that shows up
when you making out with
uh
you know
with a girl
everybody calls
fucking big reno
that's her nickname
and you know
her mom comes out
y'all in a damn
mazda over there
mazda s6
or whatever
and she comes out
and tries to fist fight
you in the yard
because y'all over there
necking
you know
you get to pretend
like your date's dress
looks good
even though she
it looks absolutely
ridiculous
that's prom
bro
that's amazon prom
you get all that
in the box man
you get all that
in the box
this mic just broke
whatever
it's life man
but dude
I love you man
and I'm sorry
you don't
you don't get that
and look
I'm
you know
you
you don't get that
you don't get to go over
at somebody's house
and there's a keg
and some
one of your friends
fucking
gets alcohol poisoning
has to go to the emergency room
you don't get it
you know
it's heartbreaking
you don't get to take photos
and then you have to take
a big group photo
with a group of people
you don't even freaking know
and that costs you
an extra six dollars
and everybody's got acne
you don't even
I mean
people hitting gross spurts
even
somebody starts
at the prime
they're 5'2
when they get there
they're 5'7
when they leave
you don't even fucking know
what happened to Ernest
who knows bro
who knows
but I love you man
be safe out there
good evening
good afternoon
and other times
thanks for watching
that video you just saw
I mean it was okay
but the next video
you can watch
could be way better
what if you watch
a video right now
that changes your life
well you could
watch this one
or watch this one
watch this one
watch this one
watch this one
ah