Name: The Swingers Story | Theo Von
Uploaded: 2020-05-04T16:00:29.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'The Swingers Story | Theo Von' from Theo Von Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2020-05-04. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'The Swingers Story | Theo Von' from Theo Von Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2020-05-04. Transcript available.

and the wedding took place in an old swingers den um the wedding was a the
wedding took place in
this old swingers place where swingers used to do you know sex i guess and
adult activities
and swingers i know in la there's some pretty intense swinger parties i've
heard about them
you know and i've actually been invited to some and i haven't gone yet because
i'm not going
because my back's pretty hairy and i'm not taking a hairy back to a damn swingers
event i just do
not have that kind of confidence you know and my butt gets kind of hairy too
and i'm not taking a
hairy ass into a swingers thing so i need to get probably you know waxed up and
maybe do some
um you know some uh some different leg exercises and some reverse leg curls and
stuff before i'm
going to go to a swingers thing but i wouldn't mind checking it out sometime
one time i was in laker
the ozarks missouri and that is swinger country you know that's a good place to
taste another man's
wife or you know to you know really uh spray out on some you know local spouse
that's not yours you
know or to be wild and we went there me and this man this other man we went
there we were just
comedians you know we just show up and we're supposed to stay at lake of the ozarks
for one night
so we check into the hotel because we're doing a comedy show there so we check
in at the hotel we
always stay at right and he's the feature i'm the headliner we're not together
we're just friends
fucking honestly me and this dude didn't even know each other we just know we're
both comedians
and we both drove down from uh the airport in columbia missouri we get there we
get to the front
desk the guy at the front desk goes are you guys girls only boys only or boys
and girls only
and i'm thinking well what the fuck is the third option for like you know first
of all i'm like
what's going on you know but then i'm like what's the third what is the third
option even
and then we realize that it's a swingers convention has taken over the hotel
for the weekend and it's
a beautiful little resort hotel it's right on the water you know it's a nice
place to probably you
know be by yourself or you know i guess be with somebody else's spouse or
whatever
but then we start seeing people just bringing in all these little you know at
hotels and motels
they got the trolleys where you put all your goods on them you wheel them up to
your room
you know and a lot of you know a lot of people bring their own food and
everything and these people
were bringing everything dude i mean you would see like a like a like a like a
uh everything was
from you know costco or one of those universe everything was kirkland like kirkland
brand you know that
big like bulk kirkland brand you know rice krispies kirkland brand lubricant kirkland
brand like pool
toys you know they had everything and these people uh none of them to me were
visually appealing
right that they weren't appealing to me but it was swingers right and then you
saw they had this one
lady was bringing in the black guy and you could tell he was the fucking hammer
you know you could tell
this dude was flying he might have gotten paid to come here and perform you
know he was that dark dagger
you know that air that air that air meat you know that they was fedexing around
the fucking
country probably to come in and just satisfy the regional uh you know that
regional
coont you feel me so this dude's hitting the airways and probably just you know
just straight up
drilling drilling drilling drilling in different areas around the country he's
popping off
you know he's sprouting out you know he's rooting down in uh in some local you
know local wives
i mean you could already see like these guys probably had posters you know that
all the white the white
men were gonna be like go get them black guy you know like terrence forever you
know shit like that
because this dude was about to pop off on some local wives and but you had
people bust you know just
people with wheat thins and all kinds of big snacks and i'll tell you this man
i wasn't into it at all
until i'm not even joking till i saw the wheat thins i love wheat thins man i
don't know who did wheat thins
or pringles but they they fucking killed it now those are kind of snacks that
would make me want to be at a
swingers thing you know if you find me i don't i'm you know i don't care who i
land in if they got a
bowl of wheat thins or pringles next to their orifice or you know a little side
tray next to the body
dude dude dude dude dude dude you know what i'm saying put a uh put some floaties
on daddy's dick
because i'm going in you feel me because i will i will i will i will perform if
there is a side item
of wheat thins or a pringles you know that's that's a feast that's a feast for
me and my libido
that keeps me up but uh but anyway this place they're like they're like oh well
you if you guys
aren't here with the conference then you can't be here with the swingers
convention and we're like
what the fuck you know like we have to be here you know there was just a
mistake they booked us at the
wrong place but i'm also like what the fuck still does girls and boys only like
that's not even i guess
that means you're open for whatever i guess it does mean something actually but
uh but anyhow
everybody gets a bracelet he said you can't have it you can't have a bracelet
you can't participate in
any activities but if you want to come down and watch uh the bingo night you
can like oh you know
whatever you know we're just we're just going to be here for one night so we go
to our comedy show
we get back to we have a couple of beers at the place at the bar the comedy
spot we get back to the
hotel and we're like dude we got to see you know we got to go over the mountain
you know to see what
he could see because that's what the bear did you know sometimes you got to be
out there you got to
be a baby bear you know sometimes if you smell honey you can't just sit on your
hands if you smell
honey you can't sit on your hands because you're not going to get anything you're
not going to get
any sweetener in your mouth if you're just sitting on your paws are you
sometimes you got to stand up
and open your mouth and follow your nose at the same time if you want to land
your face in some of that
fucking local sweetener so we got up you know and we start walking around and
peeking downstairs
and downstairs they are doing um the biggest game of what is it with the red
and the blue and the yellow
it's like the hand print and foot and you spin the dial um jeepers you know
what i'm talking about
they're doing the biggest game of that i've ever seen there's like 40 boards
hooked together
there's like in the middle there's 19 people who are no longer playing the game
accurately right
there's an old person spinning there's one woman who is still playing the game
right still playing like
you know uh right hand b or whatever it is a right hand green and then there's
19 people in the middle
just i mean i don't even know what to say they were doing i don't know if they
were some of it was sex
it was in the very middle there was something vibrating in there that was just
going off and
that could have been the hammer you know that could have been the dark artist
down there you know that
could have been um you know deandro or whoever they had brought the hammer you
know that guy could
have been just dewalt you know that could have been dewalt or stall you know or
black and dicker
whoever it was that fellow was popping off down there you could just and that's
where the heat was
coming out of and everybody else was just riding off the vibes and there was a
lot of just puffy
adults a lot of seniors a lot of people in their 60s and you know and even 70s
you know a lot of um
a lot of that you know tampa cleavage where you see a lot of women have that
tan right in the middle
of their breasts but it looks like uh they're probably going to get cancer
there you know kind
of that san andreas fault you know the you can kind of see that they had a lot
of some gold chains
you know a lot of bad gold a lot of bad local gold and then so then we we we we
peak and then we
scoot right we open the elevator we're thinking we're going to go up the
elevator man that thing
was just a a vertical fuck trolley that elevator was stacked smelled like oh
man somebody smelled
like somebody had left chinese food in their trunk overnight i don't know if
you've ever done that
or not because it's kind of still got a little bit of a sweet smell to it but
you know that if you
eat it it'll uh it'll upset your stomach you know it'll make your knees weak if
you eat any of it
and that was the smell that was inside of that of that elevator at that swingers
convention
that we were not supposed to be at in the first place but hey that's one of the
gifts of the
industry that's one of the gifts of comedy you know to end up in environments
like that good evening
good afternoon and other times thanks for watching that video you just saw i
mean it was okay but the
next video you can watch could be way better what if you watch a video right
now that changes your life
well you could watch this one or watch this one watch this one watch this one
watch this one
ah