Name: First Comedians back on stage amid Coronavirus
Uploaded: 2020-05-19T04:38:45.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'First Comedians back on stage amid Coronavirus' from Theo Von Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2020-05-19. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'First Comedians back on stage amid Coronavirus' from Theo Von Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2020-05-19. Transcript available.

First Comedians back on stage amid Coronavirus

I want to talk, I'm sitting here with Brad Williams and Jeff Dye, both comedians.
Allegedly.
Road dogs. We're the road dogs, I feel like.
And you guys, I feel like, are both of the first guys who have gone and
performed live comedy since this whole thing.
Yeah, we were.
I headlined Wise Guys this weekend.
Yeah, and I was at.
And you're there next weekend, right?
Yeah, and I was at.
Not virtually, we flew there.
We flew there, we did the whole thing.
So crazy.
I was at Bricktown Comedy in Oklahoma City.
So yeah.
Explain to me, I was at Wise Guys in Salt Lake City.
Explain to me why it's crazy.
Well, I guess, I mean, my first, I guess like, I don't have any fear of like
people coming to the event.
I didn't have any, my thoughts anyway.
I didn't have any thoughts about that.
I had thoughts about like, as a comedian being on stage, since there's going to
be less people in the audience.
Would I feel like bummed out?
Would I feel like this isn't the same?
Like, would I feel like.
Yeah, I thought about that.
And then I started thinking from a business standpoint, like, okay, well, is
this business?
Is this even going to make enough money?
Like, are these waitresses going to make enough money tonight?
Like, um.
I'll tell you who didn't make enough money.
The comedian.
Yeah.
Well, that's another thing.
Because now they've got a reason to go, hey man, we have a limited audience.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
So, you know, it's only, we have to cap them out at a hundred.
I can't like work a bonus deal or anything like that.
Yeah, yeah.
So that was it.
But the waitress made great money.
They did?
Yeah.
Yes.
Because everyone's so, audiences, and you guys will both know this, and maybe
anyone that
listens that isn't a comedian, you might not know.
But audiences are famously, and more so than ever now that podcasts have blown
up, people
didn't used to know comedians.
They just went to the improv, and they'd maybe hope to see one famous person,
and then all
the other comedians, they'd be like, this is great.
I would say in the last eight years, I've witnessed with the success of you,
and Segura, and basically
everyone that's on this wall, is now people, if they haven't seen you before,
they're like,
who's this guy?
I've never heard of him.
And then the vibe shifts to this weird, like, make me laugh, bitch.
Like, that's the vibe.
Where I'm unfunny till proven funny.
And then it kind of is like, oh, he is funny, and I have never even heard of
him, because
I listen to all the podcasts.
I'm shocked that someone is funny that I don't know.
Right?
Whereas that totally changed.
Yeah.
This weekend, dude, people were so generous.
Like, one dude tipped our server, like, 200 bucks.
Wow.
That's awesome.
All these people were gushing to me, like, oh, my God, thank you.
They were just so happy.
Yeah.
I was crushing on, like, throwaway lines.
So it was very generous.
Yeah.
Did you feel, what were some of you guys' fears going into it, before we even
talk about
what the weekends were like?
Like, did you have any, like, just, or thoughts, even just thoughts?
Yeah.
I wasn't worried about the shows, and in terms of, like, you look out in the
audience, and
it sounds different because it's at a third capacity, or a half capacity,
or whatever it is.
My philosophy is, okay, or I could stay home, and there's no show.
There's no one getting laughs.
Right.
There's nothing, you know?
So, and yeah, you're not going to just flip a switch, and we all come back, and
it's exactly
the way it was.
Right.
We got to, like, we got to gradually get into it, and, you know, kind of test
the waters
a little bit, and then if it's good, then we'll move up to the next level.
I was more worried about the travel than anything.
That, and it was, for me, like, the worst part for me wasn't the shows.
I love the shows.
The audiences, much like you said, were great.
They were so starved for content.
They wanted to go out.
They wanted to have fun.
But traveling, that was weird because you had to wear the mask the whole time,
which, when
you go to the grocery store, it's like, okay, it's an hour, but when you're
flying, when
I'm flying to Oklahoma City, that's six hours of wearing a mask.
You don't realize how many snacks you try to sneak in there.
I'm trying to drink drinks, you know?
Yeah.
Like, that's six hours of wearing a mask, and then, like...
Jack, my ears are hurting, you know?
You know, yeah.
And, like, they're not serving food on the plane, so you got to, like, if it's
a long flight,
you're like, okay, I got to snack up before I get on.
And were the seats spaced out on your flights more?
Was there something like that?
Southwest was American Airlines did not give a fuck.
You're too famous to fly Southwest, Brad, first of all.
This guy's flying Southwest.
You're killing it, man.
I did.
I've been on there.
We're all too famous for Southwest.
It was 98 bucks to fly back.
So I flew from LAX to Salt Lake City, and then Salt Lake City to Seattle,
Seattle to LAX,
because they canceled all these, like, legs of flights.
Right, right, right.
So it took, like, a longer trip home.
There was nobody in the airports, nobody on my flight.
That was kind of eerie, but that's pretty safe.
I mean, like, if I see no people, I'm not afraid.
Yeah.
Also, I will say, and I know this is going to annoy all the liberal New York
comedians that
I'm going to say this, but I dealt with it pretty, like, selfishly.
Like, I was like, I'm not afraid.
I want to go tell jokes.
I'm wearing the mask out of respect for others.
If you want to come hug me, I don't give a shit.
Like, I'm so...
Well, and also, like, for you...
I don't care.
Right.
Like, for you personally, you're in that group that, according to the science,
it's like,
you should be fine.
Right.
Like, you don't have an immune problem.
You're a healthy guy.
You got a big dick.
Like, you will be fine.
Well, I will say, the people that come to my shows obviously seem to not care
either.
Right.
And I don't...
So if they get me sick or I get them sick, fuck them.
Yeah.
If they come out, yeah, that's a thing.
And so it's like, I'm not hurting Graham.
Graham, she's at home.
Right.
And I know that that's a selfish take, and I'm admitting that I'm selfish,
because I just
want to get back to comedy so bad.
Yeah.
And I'm so tired of being at my house with my dog.
I tried to do one of those virtual shows.
Had a great time, but it wasn't the same.
Yeah, I did a few of those, too.
I needed it.
I needed to, like, I need my hotel rooms.
I need to flirt with girls.
I need to tell jokes.
I needed some sort of semblance of what I'm used to.
Whenever you got to the club, like, did you feel like, did they seem really,
really excited
to, like, be back in business?
Yeah.
They were stoked.
And the waitstaff was stoked because they had a job.
You know, that's, like...
People were happy, man.
Yeah.
It's, I mean, I'll respect anyone's wishes if they want to stay home, if they
want
to go out, whatever.
But, like, I understand when you say, oh, all the restaurants are closed.
There's some people there that just, okay, they can't hunker down for three,
four months
and then be fine.
Like, their rent is due.
They got to buy food.
They got to do all these things.
Like, so, I respect that if they're like, no, I have to go work.
But also, we weren't at a beach, like, laying on each other and sweating and
kissing and
stuff.
I was at a comedy club in that literally, like, everybody that came in had to
get their
temperature taken.
Yep.
Okay.
They had their hands sanitized.
Really?
They had to wear a mask to come in.
They had to wear their mask on the way out.
When they get sat at their table, the tables are six feet apart, right?
There's no party larger than four.
Each comic had their own separate microphone that were sanitized in between the
show.
So, I mean, there's a safe way to do this.
Did you bring your mic from home?
You didn't bring...
I jokingly brought a mic from home to do, like, gag.
I used to do this gag where...
This is going to be bad.
Sorry.
Yeah.
It was...
I'm joking.
It was bad.
Actually, I'll tell you.
It was funny once.
If you see me at the store and then you see me do it again in the improv, you're
like,
I just saw this idiot.
So, the joke is, like, I would come out...
I did this way before the quarantine.
I would come out and I would, like, look like I was, like, disgusted with, like,
the microphone
and I would, like, take it out and then put it on the table.
And then I'd pull out, like, gold microphone out of my back pocket and pop it
in and just
act like...
And then everyone, like, laughed because they were, like, so confused by me
doing the first
part.
Right.
And then I'd be like, yeah, you know, they don't clean those things.
And it just makes me look like this elitist kind of guy.
Oh, I like that.
The problem with that bit is it's hilarious if I'm following, like, that, you
know, Drew,
that stuttering guy or if I'm following, you know, Theo or something.
But if I'm following, like, Miss Pat and I just come out and I'm like...
Oh, yeah.
I just...
Like, now the crowd's like, what the hell was that, man?
Yeah.
Is this dude, like, a racist...
Like, so that's why I had to stop.
I stopped doing it.
I basically...
Bobby Lee does it.
You're like, you know those people.
Yeah.
You're like, oh.
You know those people that aren't welcome at the VFW.
You know what I'm talking about?
And I'm so dumb that I didn't put that together.
I was just like, why did nobody laugh this time?
Like, dude, you look like an asshole.
And so I stopped doing it.
But then I was like...
Because Jamar Neighbors went on before you.
And now you look like a piece of shit.
I'm so dumb.
I didn't even connect it.
So I brought that same mic and did the same gag each show for this.
Oh, that's fun.
Yeah.
Because there was four mics for all...
And I said, take one of those mics down.
And I'm going to pretend like they didn't leave me a mic.
And I'm just going to have to, like, do the gag that I brought my own.
Yeah.
And that's the thing is, like you said, like, there's precautions that you
could take.
So it's definitely, like, it's not...
Yes.
The safest thing would be to just stay in your homes and throw a blanket over
you and never
leave your house.
Yeah.
That's the safest thing.
But there are ways to do these shows that it's like, okay, yeah, take
temperature, stay
spread apart.
And no one was sat at a table with someone they didn't know.
So it's like, yeah, if you came in the same car together, you sat at the same
table together.
And I have coronavirus.
I feel fine, man.
I don't know what the big hubbub is, you know?
What else at the place?
I didn't even think about the mics.
So the microphones on stage.
Yeah.
Because I'm just trying to think, like, yeah, to me, did it feel like you guys
were pioneers?
Like, did you guys feel like, holy shit, like...
I didn't think I was until I got back.
I posted.
You didn't post yours.
I posted on Instagram.
I posted all mine on all the stuff.
Just saying, hey, I'm out.
Comedy's back.
Let's do this.
Come to the shows.
Let's have a good time.
Blah, blah, blah.
Yeah.
And I must have gotten, and I'm not exaggerating, probably 40 people.
40 comics.
Either text or called the next day.
Looking for work?
Looking to get the...
No, saying, what was that like?
Oh, yeah.
Yeah.
Every two.
I've never...
Annie Letterman's never called my phone in my life.
We'll do snotty texts back and forth.
I'm, like, stoned at a hotel, and Annie Letterman's gone.
Yeah, she's great to sext with, even though neither one of y'all is going to
hook up with each other.
Annie, no joke.
Annie's great for that.
I didn't know that.
She just loves, like, fun conversations.
So you can, like...
That's great.
You can just practice sexting with you.
I was bad on the phone with her, because I was just going, like,
whoa.
I was, like, kind of, like...
I didn't expect anyone to call.
I don't know.
I shouldn't even have answered.
Yeah.
I got a few comics calling me, too.
And it's, 