Name: Double Stripes | Theo Von
Uploaded: 2020-05-21T16:00:24.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Double Stripes | Theo Von' from Theo Von Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2020-05-21. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Double Stripes | Theo Von' from Theo Von Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2020-05-21. Transcript available.

I feel cagey. You ever get like that? Feeling cagey.
And I feel like that a lot of times.
One thing about, you know, being sober and not doing drugs and alcohol
is that I get just damn cagey, man.
You know, I feel this, I feel this little fire in the back of my neck.
And I don't know what it is. It's just a,
it's like the devil just lit a match a long time ago,
before, maybe even before I was born.
The devil just lit a match and just set it inside the base of my brain,
at the very, very bottom.
Like, say if your brain had like a landscape, okay?
And out there somewhere at the beginning of the landscape
or in the middle of the landscape, there was a wishing well.
And you look down in that wishing well and it's just dark in there.
And at the very bottom of that wishing well,
that's where the devil put a little, just a little flame.
And that little flame is just in me.
And it's always, it's in me.
And when I start, you know, just, you know,
turning into that dark night,
and when I start dark art and start being wild,
buying liquor, cocaine, any of that,
then that's when I can feel that thing getting, you know, heating up.
Heating up inside of me.
And it's, and it just, you know, and if I don't do,
if I don't do drugs and alcohol, that flame is still there
and it still wants to latch on to other things.
So it'll still find ways to, to ignite.
And sometimes those ways are, you know, putting 19 coffees in a creamer.
Sometimes those ways are, you know,
I remember one time I was at the CVS and some kid,
some little kid was being an asshole.
And he was wearing striped shirts.
He had on striped shirts and striped pants.
And right out of, that is, that's the most fucking asshole thing you can do
is wear double stripes and not be an inmate or be a, you know,
a hamburglar or, you know, or not be a man of constant sorrow
and wear double stripes.
And they have one of those little inflatable basketballs or something
that, you know, is for sale in, in one of those little bins or kits.
And I just, I took that thing out of that little bin,
that inflatable ball and just hummed it at this kid.
And it, and it hit him strong where that shoulder meets the neck,
that soft little shelf.
You know, it's like, uh, just that soft little shelf.
It just seems like a lot, like a, it's that soft place,
like just like a lion licked you right there while you were being formed.
Like you were being formed out of clay.
And then they were trying to make the perfect shape for that around you,
where your neck meets your shoulder.
And a big lion comes and just licks that clay.
And that's where they, that's where that ball hit him real hard,
right in that lion lick.
And I don't know if I taught him a lesson, but I, I know I taught him something,
that boy.
And I don't know who he was.
And that was actually, that was at an AMP.
And they don't have AMP anymore.
AMP was a, it was a chain grocer that they used to have.
And they had him by me.
And, uh, and we go over there and me and one of my buddies,
and this was a young urban gentleman who was a good friend of mine named Devin.
And we'd go over there and buy, uh, plums and peaches when I was, when I was
young.
But, um, but I remember one time acting out that way, just letting that flame
that was inside of me,
you know, it's that flame that says, oh, go do that, do that, that's bad.
Do that, do that, do something.
You know, that thing inside of you that makes you want to growl.
That makes you want to just, you know, sharpen, just sharpen your nails.
And, and just, uh, and just touch, and just, you know, touch somebody real hard
and aggressively.
And that's what that is.
And so, I think sometimes it's just been, you know, I don't know.
When I get to feeling anxious, I feel like that, that thing inside of me,
you know, the little, the little coffin inside of me that, where the devil
sleeps is starting to,
is starting to open up a little.
And you can see the devil's eyes kind of just come up in that space between the
lid of the coffin
and the rest of the coffin.
You can see his eyes come up and look out into the world and see what trouble
he can cause.
And I think I'm just feeding, I'm just feeling that inside of myself right now.
Good evening, good afternoon, and other times.
Thanks for watching that video you just saw.
I mean, it was okay.
But, the next video you could watch could be way better.
What if you watch a video right now that changes your life?
Well, you could.
Watch this one.
Or, watch this one.
Watch this one.
Watch this one.
Watch this one.
Ah!