Name: Selling Breast Milk to Bodybuilders
Uploaded: 2020-05-24T16:00:04.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Selling Breast Milk to Bodybuilders' from Theo Von Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2020-05-24. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Selling Breast Milk to Bodybuilders' from Theo Von Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2020-05-24. Transcript available.

This is something that my wife and I did do because we have a four-month-old
child and my wife
sold her breast milk to some bodybuilders. Is that legal? Maybe. That's my dog.
In California it is.
No you can but like did she make good money or was like the same as like a
gallon of homogenized
how much money? No no I don't think you ask how much money I think at this
point you just accept
that they needed the money and that they did it. You charge a little more. If
someone says hey man I'm a
big fan of Theo Avant how much for your used underwear? You're like get out of
here gross.
You're gross man. And then they're like how about 500 grand? You're like yeah I
get you a couple
pairs. And that's how I'm thinking about like breast milk is like here I am
being all judgy.
Yeah. But then when I hear the amount I'm gonna go all right. It was more than
a gallon of milk.
Wow. And so people what they. Price wise. You weren't sending more than a
gallon of her breast milk.
No. That would take a while. No the price is. Yeah the price was. Jesus your
wife. Yeah. Yeah.
She's so dehydrated. Now how do you when they get that what do you put it in
like a little bag or
something? Yeah there's a there's a bag there because my wife would also donate
breast milk to
to some hospitals to wear like something. Like Mad Max. Yeah. Sure.
Like Mad Max. Remember those women they had like get all their breast milk.
Yeah. They were like
the lactation people. Pulling that milk out the lady right there. Yeah. I've
never had it. Actually I had a little
I think a girl put something on my mouth once. Just off her finger. But this
was at a restaurant
dude. This is like after the restaurant it closed. Was it on the menu? This is
after the restaurant
it closed the family was still in there. Okay. What did you like did you like
get it from the
source or did she like squirt across the room or how did it happen? No. From
the source
man. I want to know where the old woman grew up. This is in Tucson. This is in
Tucson dude. A lady was in
there. Botanic where they'll put a little person in the engine to work on it.
Miss Bobby's got no
mirrors. It's just cutting hair. You got a lady at a restaurant. A family
dining establishment gave
you breast milk from the source. She did put a little on her finger but what
are these men doing with
that Brad when they get it? They were bodybuilders and so breast milk allegedly
has like a higher
protein. So like some bodybuilders really like to have breast milk. So I've got
some friends that are
in that community and once they found out they're like dude can we get
something? No way. And I'm like
sure but pay for it. Yeah. I'm not going to give you my baby's milk. You think
I'm squeezing my wife
out over here for nothing? Yeah. Exactly. Look at this. Here it says right here.
Mothers are making
thousands of dollars selling their pumped breast milk online to bodybuilders.
Some bodybuilders
claim breast milk helps build muscle mass more than any other food. I could see
that. You know
what's interesting about making money that you feel weird about? Oh breast milk
is actually much
lower in protein than cow's milk and bodybuilders specifically large men need
much more protein.
Oh so they're wrong? See if you can find us a chart actually that shows like
the protein in breast
milk compared to other milk. Yeah but you know it was a nice little side hustle.
Oh definitely. So I
I got a golden doodle right? I just got him. He's like six months old now. Yeah
great dog. And every
time there's been times people go you're going to get him neutered and I say
yeah I'm not yet. He's
only six months. He's nuts I haven't even dropped. And then one lady she goes
oh you're not going to
neuter him are you? And I was like oh one of these people right? And so I was
like well I mean I don't
know probably I haven't thought about it. She's like well you know it's good
money. And I was like what?
And she goes oh well like what you can do is you can there's like a stud fee
where basically like if
you want your dog to have sex you'll like someone will take your dog for a few
hours bring him back.
Your dog just gets to have sex and then they come back and hand you a check for
for a pretty good
amount. Wow. Yeah. Okay. Yeah that happens. Yeah. That's great. My dog needs
sex anyways. I'm not
gonna watch but like they want to take him off my hands for a little while. He
can go do that. They
say give me a thousand bucks and then my dog comes back all happy and tired. I
think that's a pretty
good deal. And you got a fat G. Yeah. It's not like a golden doodle girl is
gonna show up on our
doorstep like yeah my father lives here. Right. Like yo we need some child
support. Like it seems like a
totally. Just scratching at the bottom of the door. Totally harmless thing. Oh.
Here it says right
here in one cup of breast milk. Yeah. You have 2.5 grams. 2.5 grams of protein.
That's not much protein.
That's not. Yeah. Because cow's milk has 12 grams. Is that? How does that
compare
Nick? Is that in the same cup? Do you see the other there? 8 grams in cow's
milk whole. 8 grams
in 1%. 8 grams in skim. Yeah. So it's less. So it has the same amount as like
almond milk
virtually. All right. Well there you go. Which is not even milk. It's just nut
water. Yeah. There
you go. There you go bodybuilders. Yeah dude. Almond milk is just nut water.
You didn't always
get milked. Why are they calling it milk? They should call it nut water. They
really should
because they soak the almonds in water. Nut juice or nut milk. Yeah. Or I mean
nut
water. I mean they should have like a rogue almond milk company and that's what
they would
do to like separate themselves. Like yeah. This is bad milk out there. You guys
are calling
yourselves almond milk. Nut water. And where do you drop that off in person? Do
you leave
that at the door? How do they get that? Oh for the breast milk. Bodybuilders?
Yeah.
We dropped it off in person. Wow. I love that dude. You got your wife in the
back of the
car. She's making it. Yeah. She's in there pumping it out. Someone could buy my
urine. I'd be
like sure I'll get you as much as you want. You're just keeping her hydrated.
You keep buying
her Gatorades every other 7-Eleven you see? Yeah. It's like hair man. Hair's
free man.
Yeah. It was great because yeah there's never a good time to go through a
pandemic but like
we got the baby at home so it's like and thankfully my wife you know the baby
breastfeeds
so it's like that's a renewable food source. Yeah. So it's like I didn't have
to go out and buy baby
food or anything like that. We just had food for the baby. It was great. Good
evening. Good afternoon
and other times. Thanks for watching that video you just saw. I mean it was
okay. But the next video
you could watch could be way better. What if you watch a video right now that
changes your life? Well
you could. Watch this one. Or watch this one. Watch this one. Watch this one.
Watch this one.
Ah!