Name: Theo Von Takes Call from a Premature Baby
Uploaded: 2020-06-13T16:00:30.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Theo Von Takes Call from a Premature Baby' from Theo Von Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2020-06-13. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Theo Von Takes Call from a Premature Baby' from Theo Von Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2020-06-13. Transcript available.

here we go hey c yvonne my name is dana sinkler and a sinkler and i appreciate
your your wild
little voice hitting these lines brother and you sound like something very uh
like a good person
and i want to hear more from you let's go daddy i was born premature baby only
born one pound 11
whoa and that is very one pound one pound 11 ounces man that's
dude that's like a dang that ain't even as big as well i got this snicker right
here and this is a
slice and share snickers and this was given to me this was a hand-given gift in
um
lexington kentucky and this is a snickers candy and this thing is 16 ounces so
you were if you
said one pound one ounce let me hear what you said again boy jesus man you're
just a little
stallion bro if that potato's bigger than you bro you're a damn side item onward
i was born premature
baby only born one pound 11 ounces oh one pound 11 ounces so that's more than
this but this is one
pound of snicker so you was maybe a little bit bigger than this gigantuan snicker
right here and that's
and that's crazy to think about think about you was just a damn barely bigger
than a large snicker
and you were living imagine if god put life into a snicker candy
imagine if the lord just zapped that fatty sweet right there and that bitch
just walked off and grew
up and had snacks and everything and ate you know and did life imagine if a snicker
was in school
or broke its arm on the monkey bars or you know knocked a knocked up a twix in
the 11th grade and
had to drop out and work at the gas station imagine that could that could
happen if god put the you
know the life source into a snickers but he put it into you and you were just
barely bigger than this
candy that's fucking damn startling bro god damn dude i feel like a damn wolf
just in my brain man let's
hear more uh i'll be sending you guys something through the mail trying to show
you pictures of a
what a little guy was man i could only fit in a cabbage patch clothes no guilt
oh wow so you was
and we had a boy by us um kenneth was his name and his parents would put him in
uh he was very
small something had happened to him i don't know and he got born i mean he
probably only had about half
a cup of blood in his body you know and maybe damn six teaspoons of plasma or
something right you could
probably i mean his legs was damn look like two big buffalo wings you know
breaded
and his parents used to get doll clothing for him double extra and triple extra
large uh
teddy bear t-bear clothing so you'd see him with a damn you know a little shirt
on it would say uh
mr bear on the back you know a lot of his clothes says like that you know um or
it would say uh
get well because he would get a lot of you know they would get a lot of gift
shops
teddy bears have little shirts on them from hospitals people get that little
get somebody
a little polar bear said get well on the shirt and he would have that shirt on
you see him with
that little like damn all his shirts say get well because his parents was
getting double extra and triple
extra in quad xls large uh you know uh plush animal clothing clothing off of
gift shop animals and putting
them onto that boy so i've seen stuff like that but hot diggity damn that's
wild to think he was
wearing cabbage patch clothing onward uh i've been a big listener to your
podcast and a listener to stand up
comedy for a while now i love your unique style and uh how you reach out to
people and try to help them
in any way possible um today is the best news of my life today i just got
approved for uh rehab um i've
been drinking my life away for damn near a decade being a piece of and whatnot
and uh i'm starting today's
thursday the 27th so i'm certain uh going into the new year with the right
direction and the right foot
wow man congratulations
you know god made you small but man you have a really big opportunity ahead of
you
you know there is an opportunity
for you to have just a new experience with life
you know imagine if all of the fears and all the uncertainties
imagine if they just
just
just just left you just fell out of you
and i mean fell away so far away so quickly that you forgot they ever even
existed
i'm talking about the the uncertainties and the self-loathing and the
the low self-confidence if those things that probably spin around in your head
a lot
imagine if they disappeared
so quickly and so
and i mean gone like they stole a damn the last slice of pie
and you can so and they disappeared so much that you couldn't even remember
that you had them
these ghosts that have been living inside of you for damn near whatever a lot
of your life
imagine if they disappeared well i'm telling you bro from my own experience i'm
not preaching at you but
i'm just saying that uh through recovery and stuff that could be a possibility
so that's amazing
damn to think you go from wearing cabbage patch clothes
to actually running mr mcgregor's garden
different type of environment man
you can have a new experience congratulations brother and thank you for sharing
that that news with us
you just man you just boosting my spirits
god damn dude make me touch my own chest and the cool thing about my i got a
chest of a damn
you know a fucking you know a falcon with heartburn you know
i got a i got a damn i got a chest like a canary that's uh
you know been doing only chest and always you know can't get there on leg day
but thank you for your call man let's take another call here 985-664-9503 is
the number good evening
good afternoon and other times thanks for watching that video you just saw i
mean it was okay but
the next video you could watch could be way better what if you watch a video
right now that changes
your life well you could watch this one or watch this one watch this one watch
this one watch this one ah