Name: Theo Von Remembers Billy Conforto
Uploaded: 2020-07-15T16:00:04.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Theo Von Remembers Billy Conforto' from Theo Von Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2020-07-15. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Theo Von Remembers Billy Conforto' from Theo Von Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2020-07-15. Transcript available.

what was that place called? Chef's Voyage or something. Chef's Voyage. And it
was a real
shithole. And I was, well, it was nice. They had real nice silverware. I mean,
the kind of silverware
you looked at and you were like, damn, did this, you know, am I on the Titanic?
But you were just
in a shopping mall. You were over there by Payless Shoes, really. So if you
looked out the window,
you would know you weren't on the Titanic. But if the windows were closed and
you were
just staring at the silverware, you could maybe have the idea you were boating.
But anyway,
I worked up there and my buddy worked up there and he was homoerotic. You know,
he preferred
the company of men and men's bodies. But anyway, he was about 40 or something.
And he was a,
you know, he was also a real, he was a boxer. He was like a real, you know,
kind of this
little Italian. He looked kind of, you know, he looked like a little, he looked
like a kind
of a senior citizen, but also like a child at the same time. He was that kind
of mixed Italian
daddy, you know, that mozzarella madman. And his name was Billy Conforto, rest
in peace,
because he ate a bunch of pills years later. And he drove a car into an embankment
out there
in Laplace, Louisiana. And he was a, he was a good friend of mine. And we got
stoned one time during
when Princess Diana died. And I didn't know what Princess Diana was. You know,
I thought it was,
you know, a beanie baby or like a nice dessert.
And we'd gone over to his house because he was my friend. You know, we're
actually really good
friends. We were close friends and I miss him. And he, and he would, he had
made us a couple chicken
cutlets, you know, grilled us up a couple of, you know, hearty chicken breasts.
I mean, a real chicken,
not one of these weak bitches that they're pumping all these vitamins and, and
riboflavins into over
there and, you know, out there in Laurel, Mississippi. But I'm talking about
them real bad boys. I'm
talking about the kind of chicken that gets up in the morning, does some, you
know, does some lunges
and does some, uh, you know, work does, um, you know, maybe 40 pounds of incline
press. I'm talking
about that kind of chicken, that real, that fucking bad bitch that'll sing. You
know what I'm saying?
I'm talking about maybe a black chicken, you know, kind of lady that'll be
singing in the, you know,
singing in a chorus in the yard while the other chickens just doing some
bullshit. I'm talking
about a real bad bitch. And he had some of those cutlets, those high end cutlets,
and he grilled
those hitters up and we had gotten stoned doing drugs, you know, doing, uh,
marijuana. And we got so
stoned, man. And we, um, and that's when Princess Diana died. And he kept
telling me,
and I don't know what the fuck he was talking about, dude. I thought he was
talking about a
damn beanie, baby. And I was fucked up. But anyhow, he and I worked together at
a place and
they caught me one time in the, in the freezer section, in the freezer, you
know, they had bread
pudding in the freezer. And I'd sneak back there and do a couple of whippets
and had me a couple of
fucking quick handfuls of bread pudding. And if you've ever worked at a
restaurant, you know what I'm
talking about? It's called taking a break. And that was something we would do.
And I'd get back
there and hit them whippets, get me four fucking, you know, and get, get
feeling all kind of creamy
up in my skull. And then I'd fill my mouth with that. Just God damn. I don't
know if you've ever
had a little bit of bread pudding and eaten it out of your own hand, but that
is the damn Lord's
tartare right there, boy. Yeah, dang. Some people, when they die, you know,
they want to be embalmed
or they want to, you know, you know, they want their family to shoot them out
of a cannon or
something into a damn, you know, into a damn, you know, schoolyard or they want
to be, you know,
putting a, in one of them, what are those lava lamps? But this was, uh, what I'm
talking about is
when you die, fuck, what am I talking about?
Oh, I'm talking about that bread pudding. I'm talking about this, the kind of
shit. When I die,
I want to be embalmed with that bread pudding and pour a little bit of that
fucking raisin sauce on
my body, that bourbon, just that bourbon backwash, just dip daddy's ass in that
bourbon backwash and
you put me in a casket like that. You're going to see how many people come to
my funeral.
That's what I'm saying. This is a damn, this funeral is five star. This is a
Michelin five star
funeral, baby. And God damn, what's that boy on? Is he, was he, he smells good.
He smelled like he's
got that rum raisin sauce on him. And that's how I want to die. I want to be embalmed
with bread
pudding, like a real man, like a real man. But Billy Conforto was one of the
first real men that I ever
met in my life. And he was, you know, he was good to me. He was protective of
me. And he, you know,
when other kids would do me wrong, he would fight them. And I guess in
hindsight, it's a little weird
to think a 35 year old man was fighting children, but you know, where I grew up,
that was what it was,
what it was. And I'm saying age didn't really matter. You would just fight each
other. You know,
you see a six year old and a fucking 82 year old out there, just, you know, out
there beating each
other in the neck with you know kind of small pieces of wood lean pieces of
wood swath swaths
good evening good afternoon and other times thanks for watching that video you
just saw i mean it was
okay but the next video you could watch could be way better what if you watch a
video right now that
changes your life well you could watch this one or watch this one watch this
one watch this one watch
this one ah