Name: Worst Weekend Ever? | Theo Von
Uploaded: 2020-07-20T16:00:11.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Worst Weekend Ever? | Theo Von' from Theo Von Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2020-07-20. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Worst Weekend Ever? | Theo Von' from Theo Von Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2020-07-20. Transcript available.

What's up, Theo? It's Alex calling again from L.A.
Alex calling from L.A., onward.
I just thought you might want to hear a quick story about this past weekend.
And did he call before, Nick?
He said again. I think we haven't used his voicemail the first time.
Okay, let's hear more.
It started off with me going to work and getting a weird feeling with my boss.
And she called me outside and she fired me.
So I got fired from my job.
Damn, she sounds kind of sexy.
More.
I was on my way home and getting fired.
I was hit by two cars in a automobile accident.
And I messed up my wrist kind of bad.
So my car got totaled.
And during the accident, my phone hit the windshield from my passenger seat
and broke into a million pieces.
It didn't break into a million pieces, dude.
I mean, I could see it breaking, but it definitely didn't.
That's, I'm not calling you out, bro, but that's wild cliche to use in that
moment.
Careful with the hyperbole.
Yeah, dude.
It broke, maybe it shattered and kind of broke some.
But anyway, you could just say my, anyway, what the fuck am I talking about?
Now how many cars actually hit him, you know?
Yeah, that's true.
Two?
Yeah, you hurt your wrist, bro?
First of all, who even has a wrist, dude?
Most people just don't even fucking think about their wrist.
Dude, your wrist, your hand will be fine, bro.
There's skin connecting it.
You gotta, dude, you gotta toughen up.
You're working for a lady?
First of all, that's awesome, man.
Good for you.
Times are different, and it's okay.
And I've worked for many women over the years,
and I know a lot of women out there are married,
or as they like to call it, working for a woman.
So we can all relate to that.
But dude, then you get into a three-car collision,
and all that happens to you is you hurt your fucking wrist, bro.
Man up, dude.
Fucking die or don't get hurt at all.
None of this middle ground.
Dude, it's like...
Fucking kids are getting soft, man.
That's America.
Get on some opioids, dude.
Why don't you do that?
He had one more thing happen to him, though.
And I lost my job, my car, and my phone in like an hour.
And that, you know, I didn't let it get me down,
but it kind of sucked a little bit.
So the next morning, I have to walk a couple miles to school.
To school?
What is going on here?
How old are you?
Every age?
Let's hear more.
Well, I get stuff figured out,
and I go to Citrus College in Azusa,
and there was a school shooting scare,
so we got a lockdown for 10 hours.
And that was my past weekend.
I've had better weekends for sure,
but I'm not going to let it get me down.
Damn, bruh.
Do we listen more, Nick, you think?
No.
He's not going to let him get it down?
Wow.
Dude, I think you might want to go to church or something, dude.
Or wrap yourself in bubble wrap, dog.
This might be your time.
And you're out there cheating death.
So I don't know how you handle that, you know?
Dude, you can't be cheating death, brother.
You got to tighten up.
So I don't know what to do.
I would get with the church or get with, you know,
some Latinos that are older, you know,
from some of the old city,
and see if they could do some shit.
Put some hex on you or something.
You know what I'm saying?
Do that voodoo, baby.
You know, put a couple of your,
I think if you pull a couple of your sister's chin hairs out
and put them into your buttocks or whatever,
they got that old voodoo.
Make you stay safe.
But be, dude, be well, man.
It might be the last damn time we ever hear from that guy.
So be well.
Steve, is that his name?
Alex.
Yep.
See, he's even changing his name.
Who fucking knows, bruh?
Who even knows, man?
But be safe, Alex.
And good luck out there.
At least you're walking to school and getting it done.
You know, at least you're getting it done.
And moving on.
Good afternoon and other times.
Thanks for watching that video you just saw.
I mean, it was okay.
But the next video you could watch could be way better.
What if you watch a video right now that changes your life?
Well, you could.
Watch this one.
Or watch this one.
Watch this one.
Watch this one.
Watch this one.
Ah!