Name: Theo Von's Best Intro Ever
Uploaded: 2020-07-27T20:42:44.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Theo Von's Best Intro Ever' from Theo Von Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2020-07-27. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Theo Von's Best Intro Ever' from Theo Von Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2020-07-27. Transcript available.

Check check. Chinese check baby chicken check. Chicken sausage. Chick hern.
Chick peas. Check. Check please. Chicks. Chick-a-doodle-dee.
Remember Chickadees? Remember that? Remember Chickadees? It was a little like a
breakfast place.
I don't know if they, it was Chickadees and you go in there and they had, you
know, they give
you the menu and it was, they would hand write the menus every day, which I
think is probably
why they went out of business. I mean, at that point, you're more of a calligraphy
shop or
something. I mean, they'd hand, I don't know. They say home of the handwritten
menu. That
was their big ticket. That was their big, you know, get you in the door deal.
Home of the
handwritten menu. And then they hand write them and then I don't know what
happened. I don't
know what happened. I don't know if there was a fire or something. Something
happened over
there. But, but anyway, what's going on, man? Not much. Chickadees. That was it.
And I go
over there and get me a little breakfast. You know, get me a cut of ham. Get me
a, you know,
two bird eggs. Two bird eggs and a cut of ham for $3, I remember. And some of
them would
have sweet, sweet entrees, it said on there. A little bonus section on the menu,
it said
sweet entrees and it'd have you get you a little hot cake or, you know, what's
that food we won
in the war? French toast. Get you, you know, get you a little, you know, a
savory item. Get
you something like that. Chickadees, it was called. And sometimes I would, when
I missed
school, if I would miss the school bus, they had a man that would take me to
school. And
his, I don't remember his name, but he was just kind of a, kind of a mysterious
looking
man. And he might've had, I don't know, cancer or something, but he had, um,
his son was named
Big Donald and his son was named Big Donald, even though he was little. And,
and sometimes
I would miss the bus and his son, I think it may be even dropped out of school,
but I would
miss the bus and the dad would, uh, take me to school in his car. And he drove
a car that
was, it wasn't a hearse, but it was like, it seemed like a hearse, you know,
like they
probably had ghosts in the trunk kind of thing, kind of vehicle. You know, it
was just, I mean,
if you got in a car accident in this car, you were going to die because it was
just real
long and black. And I think it was a horse, a hearse, but they had sawed off
the back and
made it into a regular car. And, um, and that was Big Donald's daddy. And he
would take me
to school when I would miss school or when I would miss the bus. And, um, and
sometimes
he would come out at first and he'd say, did you miss it? And I said, I don't
know. And
he said, maybe wait a little while. And I would wait a little longer. And he
knew it had already
passed. He was just kind of, uh, you know, just getting me calibrated for a
life of, I guess,
uncomfort or of, you know, uncertainty. I don't know, but he'd come out another
time. Did you
miss it? I, you know, I don't know. I don't know if I missed it. I mean, it's 9
AM. I've been out
here for an hour and 45 minutes. School started at 7 30. I probably missed it.
And he'd say, well,
I'll just, you know, it could show up. So I sit there and wait. It started
getting hot.
Had my little book bag on, feel my books heating up, feel my homework all hot.
I didn't do my homework actually, man. I just feel my books hot. Okay. I'll be
honest with
you. But, and then he'd say, all right, come on, I'll take you. And I think
since his son
had dropped out of school, since his boy had given up on, you know, knowledge
or blanket
knowledge, you know, or governmental knowledge, really, education, that they
were, you know,
that it was his chance to still have that moment with his son.
And we would ride, we would ride in the car and I would try to, you know,
practice it. Look
at my book, look at my spelling and, and he would blow cigarette smoke over at
me. He'd be smoking
a pack of Dorals over there. And he would get both windows up. I mean, I think
he had damn
glued the window shut cause he loved all the smoke. He wanted all the smoke,
baby. And he blow that
smoke on me and asked me to spell a word. And I would just try to, you know, my
face was burning,
my eyes were burning, and I would try to get that word out of me. You know, uh,
um, I, N,
I, N, uh, C. What is it, buddy? What is it? And he'd blow that smoke on me.
Like I, N, C, O, N.
Spell it, boy. And he'd yell at me, spell it, boy. And he'd even call me his
son's name too sometime.
Spell it, Big Donald. Spell it, Little Donald. And he couldn't remember
sometimes if his son was
named Big Donald or Little Donald. And he'd blow the smoke on me. I, N, C, O, N,
Inconvenience. And he didn't know, he, he didn't know how to spell shit. So he
would just kind of,
you know, kind of, oh, there you go. There you go. And then he'd let me flick
his cigarette. He'd
hand it over to me and let me flick it onto the floor. And, uh, but anyway, we'd
stop at this place
called Chickadee's and go in there. Home of the handwritten menus. And we'd get
in there and,
and I'd read him what it said on the menu. And I would read him straight up
what it said on the
menu. And I may, I don't, honestly, man, maybe that man, he might not even be
able to read.
And maybe this was his way of just kind of connecting with,
you know, with an education he never got fully or partially even or semi-partially,
you know?
I don't know, but Chickadee's, I remember. And then they, uh, you know, one
thing, one guy,
the guy with the best penmanship didn't come in or something. He got in a fight
with his wife and
then, uh, and they didn't have a menu. One day we went in there and they didn't
have a menu and
nobody knew what to do. The cook, you know, the waiter, just the waitress just
standing there with
her arms in the air and, and the cook just fucking gave up, you know? Just
cracked a couple of eggs
right into his damn mouth and just walked out. And, and I think they burned the
place down for
insurance or in, yeah, for insurance money. But anyway, what else, man? Let's
get into the episode
about the gang, you know it.
good evening good afternoon and other times thanks for watching that video you
just saw i mean it was
okay but the next video you could watch could be way better what if you watch a
video right now that
changes your life well you could watch this one or watch this one watch this
one watch this one
watch this one ah