Name: Will Trump Win in 2020? Theo Von and Tim Dillon
Uploaded: 2020-07-30T16:00:24.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Will Trump Win in 2020? Theo Von and Tim Dillon' from Theo Von Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2020-07-30. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Will Trump Win in 2020? Theo Von and Tim Dillon' from Theo Von Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2020-07-30. Transcript available.

- Do you think Trump will win or lose?
- Probably lose at the moment.
He's got, it's tough.
- And it goes moment to moment, doesn't it?
- It's moment to moment.
- It really is.
- Debates could make him the favorite again
because Biden is not a good debater
and he's kind of mentally not there.
But I think Trump's fighting a lot of battles
that are losing battles.
- Yeah.
- Like the economy is collapsing,
this coronavirus was not really handled well.
He pours, like forget politics.
That's why I keep explaining to my friends
who are like super pro-Trump.
I'm like, if there was a CEO of a company
and half the people in it thought he was trying to kill them,
even if they were wrong,
you can't get rid of half of them.
You gotta get rid of him.
Like he pours gasoline and like every day,
whether he's, he might not be trying to kill them,
but every day he gets in the elevator and he's like,
maybe I'll kill you.
Like, and they're like, what?
They're like, wait, he's doing it again.
He's doing it.
And then the other people in the company are like,
that's the way he is.
He's joking, that's what he does.
- Yeah.
- It's a joke.
And they're like, no, he said there was poison in the pen.
He's gonna stab me.
They go, will you stop?
- It's amazing how--
- Yeah, we can't live in this schizophrenia forever.
- So many people take everything he says so, so seriously.
- Yeah.
- It's like, and also I think a lot of people want him
to be something that he isn't a lot of times.
- Yeah.
- A lot of people elected him knowing he was a crazy--
- Wild.
- Odd businessman.
- Yeah, he's a con artist.
- Yeah.
- He's the most successful con artist of all time,
which is why there's part of me that likes him,
'cause I know he's full of shit.
The people on the right think he was chosen by Jesus
to free every child that's being trafficked or whatever.
The people on the left think he's Adolf Hitler.
The reality is he's a Riverboat casino hustler.
He's a huckster and he's just been able to bluff
'cause he knows social media and he knows,
and I think that's the real story.
That's what makes him more interesting to me.
- Yeah.
- He's the most successful fucking card shark,
three card Monty dealer, bullshit slumlord
that you've ever known.
Like, he's doing it on the world stage.
He doesn't have a clue what he's gonna say.
- Right.
- He just lets it fly.
- Yeah.
- And that character to me,
not that he's this omnipotent force of evil
or that he's this amazing angel.
The idea that he's just kind of a regular guy
who's a con makes him more impressive to me
and it makes the story actually a lot more interesting.
- Oh, this, Vogue, if you want a good show,
if you don't have cable anymore,
but you still wanna be a part,
like if you're able to have the separatist
and not get it, like sometimes I get my boots in the mud.
- Yeah.
- If you're able to keep your boots out of the mud,
there's no greater show.
- Than the show we're watching.
- Than the show we're watching.
- Yeah.
- It's obvious you're gonna be, I mean,
America's gonna give you money, you know, like,
but I also think it's--
- Well, I don't know if that's a good thing,
but right now they are.
Right now people are getting mailed money
and can't handle it.
- Yeah, some people are getting mailed money home
once a month and they just cannot hack it.
- You can't do it.
- Yeah.
- Can't do it.
They gotta go to Applebee's and just lick the floor.
- Well, there's a thing, I remember when he won,
which I thought he was gonna win.
- Yeah.
- To me, it became really obvious.
- I knew, yeah, I thought so too.
- But when he won, I was like, holy shit.
The next day, and I think everybody had this moment.
They're like, I could be president.
- Yeah.
Well, I think everybody had that moment
and then everybody had this very interesting moment too
and it happens in every thriller.
In every thriller, most thrillers,
there's a scene where the car is dangling off the mountain.
And everybody's, you're kind of in that moment
of being like, what's gonna happen now?
- Yeah.
- When's it gonna fall?
It's gotta fall, right?
Or does it get pulled back?
Does it get, you know, how does it work?
Does the Mercedes Benz back up in Jurassic Park?
And it, you know, somehow.
And the problem is we've been living in that moment
for four years.
Like that moment of like tension and anxiety
and what happens and some people are like,
oh, this is fun, it's a movie.
And then some people are like, no, but they could die.
And some people are like, yeah, but they're not real.
And some people are like, no, but they are actually real.
Some of them are real and you're like, good point.
Some of them are real.
So it's just, I look at it so differently.
Everybody's so invested in one side or the other side.
I look at the guy and I'm like,
nobody's had a wilder life than this guy.
- Yeah.
Like he might've has one of the most crazy lives in history.
- I can't believe that more black men don't low key think
that Donald Trump is.
- Oh, they do.
- Because he's like a complete, like, he's a, the G.
He's like in that regard of like money, cash, hoes.
- Men in general, I think, 'cause we tend to like just,
we're not like, I think women might think about things a little more.
- Right.
- But men might just take something at face value.
And sometimes the stuff he says, you just go fucking hilarious.
- Yeah.
- And you just move on about your dad.
Whereas a woman will be like, God, that was horrible.
Like he said a horrible thing and he's our president.
And you're like, yeah, but he's, it's just funny.
- But also when you grow up poor, especially, I mean,
growing up poor and white, like you never have any,
I never thought any politicians were really much but class.
Like it always seemed like they never came to our neighborhood
and did anything, you know?
- That's kind of the healthy way to think.
- I remember the richest guy I knew would drive by our neighborhood.
He was a veterinarian and he would throw dead animals into the ditch
outside of our apartment complex.
And I remember we would throw like carcasses, like, like Cossacks's
and like, you know, goat occipitals and shit at each other.
Just, you know, and just rattle off.
You know, if you got a rib cage, you would just have unlimited bullets.
- It's a real scene from "True Detective" for an entire childhood.
- But just like, and that was like, kind of like,
he was a city councilman or something, I think.
And that was the closest we ever got to politics.
- The guy that was a senator, lived in my town.
Clearly a mob guy, right?
His name was like Al D'Amato.
He's like a respected guy.
People know who he is, but he clearly was like a local goon.
And he was just like, he would just walk around
the San Gennaro festival, just like eating this little custard
and like just drinking booze.
I'm like, this dude doesn't give a fuck.
- Drinking the blood of his grandparents.
- He doesn't give a fuck about any of this.
Now he's a nice guy and my family liked him,
but it's like, they don't care.
- He had a poker alliance.
Let's look at him right here.
There he is, Alphonse.
- I mean this dude.
- Alphonse D'Amato.
- Yeah, he would just walk around and like, you know,
he'd have like a little eggplant parmesan.
He'd be twirling linguine in a little, like a little paper,
a little plastic cup.
He'd be twirling the linguine and just walk around eating it.
And like, you know, they'd be playing like,
when the moon hits.
And I'm like, yeah, what are the chances this guy's,
I bet he's pretty swayable.
- Yeah.
- Yeah.
I bet you could put him in a room,
hand him a little money and.
- D'Amato is chairman of the poker players alliance.
- Right.
- A non-profit organization set up to help protect
and fight for the rights of poker players in the United States.
- Yeah, that's Long Island.
That's where I came from.
- I love that.
- We protected the poker players.
- Wow, and look at his dimey dime.
- Yeah.
- I sound like Brennan Shaw right now,
but his dimey dime of a wife.
- Yeah.
- Look how long, he won her in a game.
- Yeah.
- He could have won her from Trump.
Here's an interesting thing I think about Trump.
I think he's a reflection of what we have become.
A country that does shady business.
- Right.
- That we're all on our third wife.
- Right.
- We have a semi-autistic child.
Everybody has a semi-autistic child.
And I don't mean this in any negative way.
I just, to me, he's like, he's the mirror we don't want to see.
- Yeah.
- Like, in a lot of ways, you know?
- What bothers him about really rich people is like,
what they will say at a country club to each other privately.
He'll just go out and say to the United Nations.
- Yeah.
- And they're like, whoa, whoa.
- You guys are trash.
- You're like, you know, he's the dad in your neighborhood.
He's like, this neighborhood's changing.
And you're like, shut up, dad.
Imagine now he's the president.
Now that guy's the president.
Now the guy who sits on his patio, smoking a cigar,
saying veiled racist things is now the president of the United States.
It's a problem, but it's also the most predictable thing ever.
- Yeah.
- Because we love celebrity.
We're obsessed.
We love the idea of somebody that we know.
He got in the game.
We know him.
He has name recognition.
We followed him forever.
He was a reality TV star.
- He was off script also.
He came in at a time where things were getting off.
Like everybody was so tired of the script.
- Boring.
They were boring and they were good.
Things were kind of good.
Like even though things weren't good for millions of people,
all we really look at is like media and everything.
And Obama was in and everybody was like, yeah, things are kind of good.
And then we were like, wait a minute.
What if we just throw this wrecking ball at like it might just be interesting
again.
And then we didn't know.
Now we're just living in the time where we're like,
oh, we didn't know how interesting it was going to get.
- Good evening.
Good afternoon and other times.
Thanks for watching that video you just saw.
I mean, it was okay, but the next video you could watch could be way better.
What if you watch a video right now that changes your life?
Well, you could watch this one or watch this one, watch this one, watch this
one, watch this one.