Name: Taking Another Man on a Straight Date | Bonus Calls
Uploaded: 2020-08-13T18:37:43.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Taking Another Man on a Straight Date | Bonus Calls' from Theo Von Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2020-08-13. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Taking Another Man on a Straight Date | Bonus Calls' from Theo Von Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2020-08-13. Transcript available.

What's up, Theo? This is DeLux calling from New York City, and if I was going
to take a man on a date, no homo, although he might be a little questionable, I
would take Bobby Lee out on a date, and this is what I would do.
I would get him a little 1920s young boy sailor costume and a big lollipop and
walk hand-in-hand with him and take him to a fair and win him stuffed animals,
take him on lots of rides, feed him cotton candy and elephant ears until he was
about to burst, and I would take a picture with him.
In, like, one of those old-time picture places where they dress us up like
Civil War heroes, and then I would take him home and tuck him into bed and
thank him. No homo. Love you, Theo.
Hey, Theo. This is Shane from West Virginia, and before you say it, yeah, most
of us are overweight. I get it.
But you had a thing on a recent podcast that seemed about if you were a
straight male, where would you take another straight male on a date?
I don't even think it's a real question.
I mean, you would go see the baddest former police officer East Texas has ever
seen, but they got him locked up on some bogus charges, and you go to the
greater Wynwood Exotic Animal Park, a.k.a. G.W. Zoo, in Wynwood, Oklahoma.
It's not even a question where you would take another straight, and I've used
quotations, male.
Or you could be a real cocksucker and go to the big cat rescue in Tampa.
Fuck Tampa.
Fuck Carole Bass.
Fuck big cat rescue.
Take another straight male to greater Wynwood.
Hey, Theo.
This is J.R. from Jersey.
Love your show.
You were talking to a guy about if you took a guy out on a date, what would it
be like?
And I thought, first of all, that guy was definitely flirting with you.
Anyway, if I was to take a man out on a date, it would be like a man date.
Like, we would, like, go fishing, you know, maybe, like, kill an animal, you
know, eat it, cook it, and then, like, you know, all dressed in, like,
camouflage and all that.
And then, like, and just grab him and, like, bush fuck him real quick, like
that kind of thing, you know, like a real man, you know.
And, like, like Brokeback, you know, like Brokeback Mountain.
Like, I read that.
I had to read that from college, and I never seen the movie.
I kind of knew what it was about, but when you read it, like, all of a sudden,
the guy just grabs the other guy, and he just, like, he just, like, slamming
him.
And it was disturbing.
But that's the kind of date, I guess, I would be on the whole time.
I'd just be like, I ain't gay.
You know what I mean?
And, yeah, that's how it would be, super manly.
Love you, man.
Love your show.
Bye.
Hey, yo.
What's up, my man?
It's Mitchell calling from California in Los Angeles.
Calling just to answer your question if you called to all straight men looking
to take a man on a date.
I think I'd take someone on a date to the Dodger game.
Trying to see what that bad boy can handle with that Dodger dog, you know?
See what kind of mustard or ketchup or, you know, see what he's working with
and see if he goes all beef or if he just wants a normal Dodger dog.
And then see how he handles that good old Frank, you know?
Yeah, so that's my thoughts on that.
Definitely the Dodger game.
Gang, gang, Theo.
Hey, Theo.
This is Steve Kinney from Saxton, Missouri.
I was just calling him to give you a little rebuttal on your question of where
a straight man would take another straight man on a first date.
I'd probably start it off by hitting a ditch, doing a little bit of fishing,
trying to catch that catfish hitter.
Then I'd probably take him to this little restaurant near me called Lambert's
Cafe, home with a throw and rolls, baby.
I'd probably end it by hitting some little dive bar, hoping for a leg is not
special, seeing what happens from there.
Anyways, man, love you, love the podcast.
Keep some good work.
Gang, gang, brother.
Hey, Theo and fellow this past weekend listeners, I just wanted to call and
entertain the idea of what I would do if I took a man out.
My name is Jefferson from Denver.
Forgot to add that.
But the idea of taking someone out, I guess you've got to put yourself in a
mind state of what you would want.
You know, so I guess in that case, I would, I wouldn't go anywhere.
I'd just buy the dude a 12 pack, turn on a baseball game.
And in the spirit of me not putting myself in this situation, I'd just pay a
prostitute to give the dude a blow job.
Then she can leave and he can enjoy the game.
And then I'll just hang out with the dude.
We'll both drink some beers.
I guess that's about what I would do.
Gang, gang.
Hey, Theo, this is Zach from Indiana.
So I'm thinking about your question.
So if I were to go gay or if I were to take a man out on a date, either way.
First off, let me get this out of the way.
If I were to switch sides, it'd probably have to be like a top shelf kind of
guy.
Like Don Julio of the tequilas type of guy, you know.
Or I would say that most interesting man in the world, that type of guy.
Anyways, before I get off topic.
So honestly, I would probably look for what I look for in a female, somebody
who I enjoy doing activities with, somebody who I get along with, I don't argue
with.
So I like hiking.
So on a first date, shit, we'll go on a hike, catch a little sunrise, get a
little tongue action by the beach.
I live right by the Indiana dunes.
Get a little hike on, get a little sweaty, then come home and get a little
sweaty.
You know what I'm saying?
So that's how I'm going to do it.
That's what I would do with a girl.
So I'd probably do the same thing with a guy.
Anyways, I've been a fan for a little bit here.
And keep doing what you're doing, Theo.
I definitely enjoy your podcast.
I think what you do is important.
And I think that you help people in a way.
So I appreciate it.
Have a good day, brother.
Yo, Theo, it's your boy G-Baby from Chicago.
Just saw your China Dragon.
And I was responding about the straight man date.
And you got to take them to Hooters, man.
You know, catch a little tit, you know.
God, you know, God made us that way.
And I think that would be a good time for me and him.
Maybe do a little top golf after, you know.
Get our drink on.
And, you know, call it a good night.
You know, maybe walk him to his front door, you know.
But don't, you know, don't kiss him because we're straight.
But just make sure he gets home safe.
And that's what, you know, being a good straight man is what it's about.
All right, man.
Love you.
Hey, hey.
This is Kyle from Charleston, South Carolina.
I'm just calling in to answer your question about where would I take a man, you
know, if I were into that kind of thing.
Where would I take him?
Where would we go out for the evening?
There's only one place I can think of.
And that is frozen options.
You know what I mean?
Go get a tan.
Go get some nice blueberries.
I discovered blueberries there now.
Keep that in mind.
I didn't know about them.
I went there with some young man.
He said, listen, you've got to try the blueberries.
I said, oh, man.
I love me some blueberries.
Now, thank you.
Thank you for that, Theo.
But, you know, other than that, I think we maybe go stroll down on Folly Beach,
you know, drive on up to the surrounding towns and have a little shopping
encounter.
You know, go back down to the Mount Pleasant, you know what I mean?
But, yeah, that's probably what I'd do.
But keep in mind now, I'm happily married, but sometimes, you know, the mind's
got to venture in that territory in order to always be prepared for every
possible situation.
Thank you.
I appreciate it.
And make sure you get Craig Conan on there sometime.
Thank you.