Name: Theo Von Remembers Butterscotch
Uploaded: 2020-08-14T16:00:12.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Theo Von Remembers Butterscotch' from Theo Von Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2020-08-14. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Theo Von Remembers Butterscotch' from Theo Von Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2020-08-14. Transcript available.

When I was young, it wasn't there. I remember when Butterscotch first hit the
scene. People were shocked. They didn't know what to do.
I remember people covering their children's eyes and people just hanging garlic
on their door. It had never been. This was back when they only had a certain
amount of flavors in existence. They had strawberry. They had vanilla. They had
chocolate. Those are easy. That's basic. That's your natural three.
You know, and then somebody come along with a mint. Somebody come along with a
banana. And, you know, when then the flavor, the flavor, the palate, you know,
the flavor rainbow was getting thicker.
And then somebody added in, I don't even know what they added in at that point,
peanut butter, bacon, you know, raspberry. Some asshole said, hey, what about
raspberry? And people said, oh, all right. Dang it.
And things was getting wild. And then I remember Butterscotch hit. And I
remember where I was, man. I was in second grade and I was in math class.
And I didn't know what was going on. You know, they were talking about, you
know, addition and subtraction.
And I just, I mean, my world was just starting to fall apart. And somebody
handed me one of them, one of them BS's, baby, just wrapped up in a beautiful
little cellophane skirt.
You notice it in a little damn plastic straitjacket just sealed off at both
ends.
And I opened that bastard up and I put it in my mouth and I just, it was like
somebody had just, I mean, it was butter and scotch, you know, it just, people
didn't know.
It did, you, you, nobody done anything like this.
You know, maybe you'd seen it written on a toilet wall or something, you know,
Larry loves butter and Larry loves scotch.
But you'd never see Larry loves butter, scotch, you wouldn't see, it just, it
just, and then it hit the scene and it was, you know, all the fatties, all the
thicky thicks out there wanted that butter.
And all the drunken drips out there wanted that scotch.
And you'd see people fist fighting for him.
You know, you'd see people just beating their damn stepdaddies with a freaking,
you know, just beat, you'd see somebody beating somebody else with a damn bike
chain.
For a damn Werther's, you know, it was just, it was a different time, baby.
It was a different time, man.
God is good, brother.
Let's get into it, gang.
But yeah, where were you when it, when a flavor hit?
Do you remember?
Do you remember where you were when you first learned about a flavor?
Because I remember that butter scotch, baby.
That thing came across the aisle.
It had been, you know, probably smuggled into, who knows, into the country,
probably from the Midwest.
You know, smuggled into the country, but already in the country, you know, kind
of deal.
And it had probably been in six, seven children's hands at school before it hit
my hand.
And I opened that beautiful little brown bitch up, that little mixed mofo.
You know, and I'd never had anything brown in my mouth, son.
You know, I was young, you know, and, and I hit, you know, and I put that thing,
and I just didn't, I, it was just when you first had a, when you first had a
taste of something new, you didn't know things could, could exist, man.
And I'll be, I mean, every now and then, still, I got to pull my damn car over
if I think too much about a Werther's Originals.
If I think too much about a, you know, a unique type of caramel candy, I got to
pull a damn car over.
You know, take a break.
You know, maybe listen to a little Jeff Buckley or something.
I got to pull the car over.
And relax.
You know, I miss, sometimes I miss the, the innovation of being young, of being
new in the world.
Because everything you saw was new.
You saw somebody, you know, maybe you saw two homeless people, you know, one of
them ripping and the other one's tooth out.
Out by the donut shop.
Doing bootleg dental.
And it, but it was beautiful.
It was new.
You know, maybe you see a man hugging somebody and his family too hard.
But, you know, you hadn't, you'd never seen it like that.
It was new.
You know, you just, things were different.
You just, there was, I liked the novelty of being youthful and of just, of
nouveau, of things being exciting.
There's something beautiful about that.
Of somebody hitting you with that, with a new taste.
Here's a spare rib.
And you're like, well, what is this?
Is it, you know.
I thought it was from the dang Bible when I read it on the menu.
I said, well, damn, is it, you know, is, does the, does the church run this
place?
And my mom say, no, this, this damn ground Patty Jr.
This ain't, the church, I have nothing to do with this joint.
Good evening, good afternoon, and other times.
Thanks for watching that video you just saw.
I mean, it was okay.
But, the next video you can watch could be way better.
What if you watch a video right now that changes your life?
Well, you could.
Watch this one.
Or, watch this one.
Watch this one.
Watch this one.
Watch this one.
Ah!