Name: Nick Swardson’s High School Mushroom Trip | Theo Von
Uploaded: 2020-09-22T16:00:02.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Nick Swardson’s High School Mushroom Trip | Theo Von' from Theo Von Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2020-09-22. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Nick Swardson’s High School Mushroom Trip | Theo Von' from Theo Von Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2020-09-22. Transcript available.

i mean when i got introduced to like other shit like we got shit popped off i
remember uh
somebody offered me up 420 this year i was in denver doing red rocks which was
dope
and uh somebody offered me mushrooms and i was like i can't do that stuff
anymore but i did back
in the day so i i did your mushroom story i my buddy's brother went to school
in colorado came
back to minnesota and he had a garbage bag small garbage bag of mushrooms that
were rogue yeah
rogue from the fucking manure oh yeah off of bison shit those are the hard hitters
now that's what
rogan fucking eats like cereal now oh he just wakes up like fucking wheaties
yeah and it's just dookie
shrooms and he just goes into his fucking eighth eye on his neck or whatever oh
somebody said he had a
cup of calf blood earlier they saw him sitting on the side of the fucking interstate
yeah and he drinks
it like that he got his pinkies out with his calf blood like fancy fucking cow
goes moo shit oh just
somebody said they did that they saw him just crushing up t-cells and fucking
snorting lines oh
yeah dude fuck man wild guy um so we started just taking handfuls of mushrooms
and we're like 15
and i think we tally that we'd eaten about five to six grams and uh we were
like gonna go to a movie
and we're in my friend's car we're starting to get like high as fuck and uh i
was like oh shit i forgot my
wallet i mean which is like a big deal oh it's huge especially when you're tripping
bro it could
take six hours high school i didn't have any money yeah so it was in my house i
had to go back and i
started to get high and i go and like sneak into my room i take my wallet and
uh i go to pee really
quick so my mom doesn't hear me and i pee and then all of a sudden i start
realizing everybody knows this
from like when you do shit like that it's kicking in everybody knows the kick
in where you're like
and here we go so i try to sneak out my mom goes nicholas and i'm like fuck she
goes what are you
doing i go forgot my wallet that's what i said i probably said you don't need
who knows so she
goes hey come here i go into her room and she's sitting on her bed oh this is
not a joke i still
remembers she had neon snowflakes all over her fucking body in her face so she
goes nicholas and i'm like
she goes what what are you doing and i go i have my my wallet i forgot and i
start laughing
oh you know that high laugh especially like on mushrooms where it's just you're
like you might
well be in a haunted house it's just like
so she's like what the fuck so i'm not telling her i'm on fucking dookie
fucking vegetables
dookie boomers they call you dookie boomers
yeah so she goes what's so funny and i go i heard i go i heard the funniest
joke
and i'm just laughing which apparently it had to have been the funniest joke
ever written in the
history of human race because i was laughing like fucking jekyll who tells
somebody when they're
laughing i heard the funniest joke and then doesn't tell them what no she goes
what was it and i go i
i have no idea then i threw myself under my own bus and then i just panicked
and just walked away just
confused but she's a minnesota old woman she had no idea what was going on but
yeah that was my mushroom
first mushroom experience dude i got so fucked up one time at my buddy's house
dude uh and
he was fucked up dude he had to go lay in the back bro and at one point he was
told us take my skin
off or i'm gonna beat the fuck out of you god i was like whoa bro we're we're
not doing good you know
yeah and uh and then i went out in my car and for some reason took all my
clothes off in the back of my
car and i was and i had like a uh ford escort it was a hatchback two-door and
someone had stole my
passenger seat right so what yeah yeah yeah dude uh and i tried to get out
through the front like by
pushing the seat up the seat hits the horn it's the middle of the night in my
buddy's mom's driveway
so i'm laying on the fucking horn bro he comes running out bro he is also
completely naked bro and we got
naked in separate places and then met up together naked that's how good those
mushrooms were bro
these weren't those keep your clothes on fungi you know what i'm saying so we
meet up dude he's like
what the are you he's trying to be all quiet meanwhile there's a horn going a
car horn that i'm laying on
oh my dude another time bro uh had a couple of brothers with me right and this
one brothers were
kind of novice in like you know society a little bit a little bit more when i
was growing up
so i'm on mushrooms i didn't tell anybody you know and i got two of my black
friends this guy named
uh mike tyson everybody called him boo boo tyson because his brother tried to
burn down the house
and his leg got all cooked up one of his legs and then this other guy named chris
jones who was real
quiet but he would let me drive around he would go chicks you know so anyway uh
i decided i was like
oh we pulled over on the side of the a highway to smoke some weed and i was
already so up off these
mushrooms and so then we're about to leave and i tell them that the car won't
start right even though
it will you know i know this you know so i keep pretending like it won't start
so now dude it's
middle of the night bro dark as they're out looking under the hood bro there's
no lights or anything
anywhere there's no way to see anything right and i just got my two black
buddies out there
looking under the car hood and i keep saying fix it man we got to get the
out of here right staring at it like it's a rubik's cube like no idea like in
the dark
bro i said that we sat there for a half hour i must have lost two pounds in
water
weight out of my body from crying laughing i just kept making them get back out
and try to fix it man
oh my god man i feel bad man one of uh but it was fun man i told him later what
had happened i felt
bad about it but how long did you wait until you told him probably 15 years
that's a good question
good evening good afternoon and other times thanks for watching that video you
just saw i mean it was
okay but the next video you could watch could be way better what if you watch a
video right now that
changes your life well you could watch this one or watch this one watch this
one watch this one watch this