Name: A Bee Don’t Give A Damn | @TheoVon
Uploaded: 2020-10-03T16:00:13.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'A Bee Don’t Give A Damn | @TheoVon' from Theo Von Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2020-10-03. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'A Bee Don’t Give A Damn | @TheoVon' from Theo Von Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2020-10-03. Transcript available.

You know, a bee don't know nothing.
A bee is like a blind guy with a damn hatchet.
You know, he don't know you from Adam, bro.
You know, he'll sting his fucking stepmother if you give him half a dollar.
Like a bee don't give a damn.
If you crack open a bee, there ain't a damn in that thing.
We had a fella actually when I was growing up.
We used to go to summer camp.
I think it was summer camp.
I don't know.
They didn't do anything really.
They kept us in a damn pavilion out at the park and it was hot as could be.
And everybody had Kool-Aid mustaches and everybody had to bring their own lunch.
And your lunch, your Kool-Aid would spill in your lunch thing and it would get
all wet and you had to eat it anyway.
So if you haven't had a raspberry Kool-Aid grilled cheese sandwich in, we might
not know each other.
But one thing, they had a fella out there who was a groundskeeper.
And a groundskeeper basically is somebody that's homeless but also, you know,
kind of hangs out in one specific area.
And this fella, B-I, they call him, he would, he had a glass eye or some type
of textile eye.
You know, this fella had something happen.
You know what I'm saying?
He lost one of them bad sight balls and somebody, you know, hooked him up with
that replica.
And he would get bees.
There were bees everywhere.
Bees on every, there was bees on everything.
Bees on every trash can had a thousand bees on it.
And he would take a bee and he would sting right into his own eye with it.
And it would freak the kids out because we'd never seen it.
And then here you go, he's doing it.
And he would just get a bee and just sting.
And the kids, if it was a new kid or somebody that was coming to camp for a
week.
Because it was YMCA summer camp.
So every week is when you get a new kid in.
And sometime, you know, some fella or some little lady come in there.
Sometime they get the little squirrely kid with the real pale skin.
Couple freckles, kind of some dark freckles, curly hair.
Creeping everybody out.
You know, real kind of vain, you know, like real veiny eyes.
Just, he always had that one little fella creeping people.
And my friend Daniel, actually, this little fella would grow on our bus.
We had this miscreant fella, Riley Mount, named Daniel.
And he would do cigarettes, man, or do, you know, he superglued his own mouth
closed once.
And it just, whole neighborhood was furious, man.
And when they finally got it open, he laughed at everybody.
Dang.
So, we had people like that.
You know, we had real miscreants, dude.
We had a fella drank a little bit of ethanol.
This kid named Todd, man.
And he looked like, he really looked like shit.
But he looked like shit before he drank it.
So.
But, anyway, what was I talking about, man?
Todd?
No, no, no.
Before that, man.
Daniel?
No, before that.
Oh.
Bees, baby.
Mother Nature's freaking pitchforkers, dog.
And this fella would just sting his own eye with him.
Just take him and just sting right into his own eye.
Because he had a, not a homemade eye, but semi-homemade.
You know, to step up from homemade.
Like, maybe they'd made it in home ec.
So, he had that, you know, he had that home ec eye.
And he would just, and if you didn't know, the new kids didn't know.
So, every time after lunch, he'd get a kid over there and get a live bee and
sting his own eye with it.
Jeez.
You have any unique individuals or role models like that growing up, Riley?
Oh, man.
As far as the, like, I don't think I can go that far as, like, bee singing in
your own eye.
Other than that, no.
I mean, I've had, like, you know, there's, like, those special kids that are,
like, you know, in special ed.
And, you know, I have a few friends in that, too.
I have a few blind friends that are, like, super good at, you know, audio, at
audio engineering at my school.
It's crazy.
Listeners, huh?
Big listeners.
Oh, yeah.
Yeah, they're, like, the best students there.
We had a guy like that, too.
They call him the big listener.
And he was blind or something was wrong with him.
He said he couldn't see and people believed him.
Right.
And he could hear.
He was that freaking, that's that listener.
You know, he was just damn Christopher Columbus on the listenership, man.
He was just.
And we had a blind kid that could play kickball real well.
And he could hear the ball rolling.
Feel it on the ground.
And kick it.
Just the damn Willie Nelson of kickball.
Just the real.
I mean, this guy was just.
Just damn Kirby Puckett, man.
This fella.
Old fat leg.
He had a fat leg on him, too.
A lot of blind people are fat in the legs.
What else we got here, man?
Good evening.
Good afternoon.
And other times.
Thanks for watching that video you just saw.
I mean, it was okay.
But the next video you could watch could be way better.
What if you watch a video right now that changes your life?
Well, you could.
Watch this one.
Or watch this one.
Watch this one.
Watch this one.
Watch this one.
Ah!