Name: Theo Von and Riff Raff Remember the Good Old Days
Uploaded: 2020-10-12T18:44:18.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Theo Von and Riff Raff Remember the Good Old Days' from Theo Von Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2020-10-12. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Theo Von and Riff Raff Remember the Good Old Days' from Theo Von Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2020-10-12. Transcript available.

but there but them but them ranch doritos oh remember when they came out those
cool ranch
street they just had you remember that yeah i remember when the in the
commercial like the
commercials for shit was just way different bo like when bo jackson was playing
two sports
leon sanders playing two sports and mike tyson and when uh when the the the
double decker taco
and you had the double decker taco sideways neck yeah i remember that he got
stuck eating it shaq
had the sideways neck he couldn't eat he couldn't play basketball he was
shooting free throw yeah
do you remember how good remember remember when cool ranch drew this remember
because for 20 years
it was just doritos cheese only regular nothing fancy you saw them cool ranch
and then suddenly
there wasn't just ranch it was cool right damn and it felt good on you
everybody wanted the cool ranch
dude they were sold out they didn't have them everywhere i remember biking all
around town
we heard that they had them somewhere dude a friend of mine got hit by a trans
am on his bike
looking for cool ranch doritos bro it was on a in a in a fucking wheelchair
that hush pup what are they
called slush puppies slush puppies and cool ranch doritos need they go in there
what what what did
you used to a regular summer day as a kid how like what what kind of like you
go to the gas station
how where did you get your money first of all okay first of all where we got
the money was my mom had a
chart if you were good you started out with a dollar at the beginning of the
week okay and you got checks on
there when you were bad so everybody got checks and you ended up at about 20
cents my little sister
though she was always sick so she got all her money because she couldn't do
anything bad she was ill
so then we would get her money to me and my brother would take borrow her money
from her
right and break each other off 50 cents each so i'd roll out about 60 cents
over to that 7-eleven
i'd get myself fucking two packs of garbage pale kid cards bro you know i'm
saying because i had a
stunt around my boys remember that loogie larry oh yeah and he had just fucking
sweet coming out of
snotty scotty oh yeah dude remember bomb tom and his head was fucking blowing
up atomic atomic atomic atom
atomic atomic atom adam adam yeah something like that yeah yeah dude they had
uh
the twisted sisters and they were like two snakes twirling
yeah they had um oh they had flat pat and it was just a dude getting steamrolled
yeah yeah curling up
yeah they had um uh trim tim and he was getting that fucking tight hair yeah he
was getting a haircut
but the scissors like went through his cut his ear off and cut his neck yeah um
who else did they have
oh razor raul yeah first spanish guy it was like it was back when he was
slicing the yeah and he cut
his wrist or something bro and then the capture the the sideways sideways for
attention horizontal to get
the job done like all right well i didn't know what that meant when i was eight
you're like damn these
cards are about eleven i was like okay yeah i got discontinued yeah some of
them were a little dark
like yeah kill yourself randall and you're like wait those don't even rhyme
they don't even start with
the same and he's just hanging in a closet you know you're like damn this is
dark
quaalude Donald damn and he just have a couple pills and his kids are crying by
the cops
ghostly george he's just hanging himself hang man hank he was just hanging
himself in front of the
students he was a substitute teacher like damn first day just got a degree i
would get that and
they had a fireball bro and that was the thing if you wanted to flex a little
bit in front of your
boys or the chicks oh yeah a bit you wanted to get that fireball show up with
that red that
lusciousness kind of and have that heat in your mouth man and that was about
just stick it inside
you know just see how long it'll burn and they knew you could if you had that
piece in there
and you get that that thing was about a nickel and you put that thing in your
jaw and show up man
so i would do that and then if i had a little bit extra money then i would get
myself maybe a
chocolate for at night get myself a kitkat and they have four pieces in there
sometimes i would get my
mama um payday candy bar and that was kind of like a nice candy bar they had
back then right now it's
like nature's own they got all these fancy ones but back then they had that payday
and it was for
smart people right but it was different man what would you get if you think if
you well i used to i would
first i had this little bronze like glass like little jar and i wait till i
filled it up but
i'd sell i'd sell lemonade oh wow well me yeah me and my sister would sell for
like 10 cents five
cents whatever whatever you had until it fills up the jar i'd sell i just go
back in and keep making
it i just wanted to fill that job and how many you sell a quartz gallons cup i'd
sell it until it was
gone yeah i'd keep going back and make some more if i need to i wanted to fill
that jar up yeah i'd sell
three cents as long as it's filled up so then you got you know you got to fill
it up yeah yeah that's
that feeling then you roll with that back then go pull up at the uh then then
you got then you take
that jar mm-hmm just shove it in my pocket that's a lot of money right now go
up to the public pool
hang out see what's going on over there because that was on the way because
then you turn and then
you go down and there was a circle k okay so i down but it wasn't on the street
it was in it right
at the end of the neighborhood so i didn't have to cross the street so nothing
dangerous right so now what
was happening at the public pool public like just kids running around screaming
there was a diving
board the hot the hot girl lived behind it oh she was she's had bleach blonde
hair oh yeah coley sanders
oh just how old was she coley sanders i wanted was she japanese or was she now
she was
like occasion oh yeah you can't even say white these days yeah you get hog tied
and and stripped of all
your metals if you say a color yeah so she was all of a nor norwegian nordic
descent right you'd have
to ask her what she is yeah yeah exactly i don't even know well i get sued for
even mentioning a human
i think that's how it works these days so yeah then the there's the diving
board yeah i can just hear it
now you know and there's the deep end yeah there's the deep end and then they're
just whistles blowing
right and left yeah stop stop breathing yeah stop breathing yeah you're you're
you know what i mean
and then you're breathing underwater stop right so you can't close close your
eyes underwater yeah
stop drowning they would say yeah there was the outdoor shower yeah people some
family would be in
the corner with their little picnic set up yeah they have a setup right but
kind of by the lifeguard
so you didn't with them yeah yeah then the older kids down by the diving board
lining up and if you
were if you weren't tall enough you couldn't you couldn't even go on the dive
board in the deep end
then there's adult swim yeah yeah like oh adult swim and then i wait for adult
swimming out to go take
off to the gas station because that's when what the kids had to get out and get
out and then go to the
playground and they'd walk around go play the ouija board in the bathroom
adults only yeah yeah they
go seven seven seven minutes of heaven over there by the by the tricycles yeah
man that's like yeah
you had to get out yeah so i take off the gas station they had the the jolly
rancher fire
the fire jolly ranchers they were called fire flavored there was cinnamon but
they were crazy hot
and the package would be stuck to the sides but it was molted around so like it
was there was angles
geometry angles on the thing because it had melted and it's been sitting in the
sun oh yeah so you
didn't know you know how to get into that snack you get some little banana laffy
taffy they didn't
even have jokes on them back in the day wow you just had to what just think of
something happy yeah
you had to open it and just make up a joke or something hey what do apples say
on their birthday
i don't know just give me one no just what apples say on their birthday oh dude
what yeah
forest fires are friendly yeah all right yeah so those and then uh you get
those little it was like
it looked like a barrel and it was a but it tastes like a melted popsicle it
was like a little blue
juice you ever seen those yeah it was wax no no no i'm talking about yeah well
the carton was yes it's
like a look it's like a barrel and it had a little metal top yeah you peel that
off yeah oh that was good
what was that it's melted popsicles all the melted popsicles that go in the
stores and they just put
them into that oh i didn't even know i didn't i didn't know it either dang man
that's behind the
scene yeah it has a it had a kick in the back yeah that get your neck up i don't
know what it was
that's a free neck brace man i'm loosing you up yeah that and a double-decker
taco
oh yeah tacos i don't know i'm just saying that the the oh yeah with that with
the kick you're in a
fucking wheelchair out of there but dude people used to um you're at the nurse's
office oh yeah
do you remember the nurse's office yeah i knew kids who used to go to the
nurse's office just to switch clothes with the lost and found just to get a new
pair of pants
that pink pantser bruh they had to piss their pants on purpose i know dude bro
and that's back
when i remember dude i remember i'd get a boner right and go in and a lady and
be like hey something
wrong with my dick yeah check this out yeah check this out my dick keep getting
hard a bee stung me
that's what i would tell her yeah what the nurse say i think she liked me a
little bit but i was young
and how old was she she was probably maybe 50 or 48 but her husband had left
her and she had a kid
that was in our class oh she kind of sent you a note and be like hey i think i
need to check up on
deal yeah is the oh sick today sometime i always get a note like i think still
sick yeah he seems
really sick today good afternoon and other times thanks for watching that video
you just saw i mean it
was okay but the next video you could watch could be way better what if you
watch a video right now that
changes your life well you could watch this one or watch this one watch this
one watch this one ah