Name: Theo Von Reflects on Mortician Interview
Uploaded: 2020-10-28T16:00:00.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Theo Von Reflects on Mortician Interview' from Theo Von Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2020-10-28. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Theo Von Reflects on Mortician Interview' from Theo Von Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2020-10-28. Transcript available.

what's going on we just had the um death man in we had frank giles in here
and i tell you you know it's it's interesting when you meet a man that's that's
that close to
the dead and you're right there you're with him you know it's interesting when
you when you meet
a man who who who's carried a you know that that's that 15 inch baby and tucked
him into a car seat
next to him and driven him over there to the death grounds it's interesting to
be that close to that
man and just kind of just hear his feelings hell i asked him straight up i said
let me put my hand
on your chest you know let me feel the drum of the of of of of death because
when he walks in the room
baby that's it you were to go order for the lord son you it's time to box you
up
and so yeah i guess i start thinking about that around this time of year what's
it gonna be like
when they close when they roll it up one more time
you know i tried to fake my death when i was about 20 i'll be honest
and my friend paul called a couple people and said hey you know theo's dead and
and the shit the crazy shit was none of them even told anybody so we planted a
couple seeds and that
shit didn't even grow bro and then we forgot about it you know we was doing
weed we was doing cocaine
daddy you know i mean i was anyway i don't know if he was but you know my
favorite type of weed was uh
cocaine you'd see me snorting a bowl of weed you know get that little
that thanksgiving for your snout daddy i'm talking about cocaine
dude i remember i had some i had some good cocaine one time over there in tucson
arizona
hell i put two grams in my car it was out of gas and that bitch ran for a half
an hour
the headlights wouldn't work but hey you can't have it all daddy you can't have
it all and that's god man
but yeah we had the death man in here we had him right here
and it's crazy i mean if it's say fast forward 40 years from now 80 years from
now when i die
or we're not you know go on
i should have told i should have put my order in
i should have said hey frank i want this you know i want this and this
i want the you know i want the i want the strawberries and whipped cream one
under each arm
when i'm in that basket daddy
and i want that wicker casket so you could still still smell me
so the ladies could still get a
off of my bro loan you feel me
but i don't know he's tricky how do you want to go
cremated is too much i don't want to be
you know i worked one day as a damn uh chef's apprentice over at um
uh over at roadhouse cafe or whatever that shithole was um link
i don't know what it was dude they were supposed to be selling charred grilled
steaks but
the fda showed up and popped them
and got them they were selling um
they were selling illegal uh meat
you know they had to hit a raft in there they had to hit a pony or something
you know some of the shit they were selling was illegal meat
and that's the second time in my life i've been popped at a joint where they're
selling illegal
you know i was out in tucson arizona and they had this little chef fella
named little scotty and they popped him and he wore a big ass hat
too heavy for his neck and you would see him kind of like this a little bit
and that the hat was so damn heavy it would close his eyelids man but
you know when you're a chef they don't give you like a medallion
you know some things they give you a medallion if you do well
but a chef they give you a big hat looks kind of like an
like an atomic bomb explosion shape
and he was so damn proud and i think his daddy thought he was bigger
and his daddy hadn't seen him in a while
and his daddy got him too heavy of a hat for his little neck
and so he had that big bastard on there
and he could barely keep his eyes open with that heavy bitch on there
but they uh yeah they got but they were selling illegal seafood and i remember
the fda showed up
and popped everybody dude
you know
some dude asking me if i know about shrimp bitch i don't know about shit i'm a
bus boy
okay and they need bread on eight right now
so don't try to tangle me up all in this little mermaid bullshit
good evening good afternoon and other times
thanks for watching that video you just saw
i mean it was okay
but the next video you can watch could be way better
what if you watch a video right now that changes your life
well you could watch this one or watch this one
watch this one watch this one watch this one
ah