Name: The Elevator Baby | @TheoVon
Uploaded: 2020-10-29T18:16:47.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'The Elevator Baby | @TheoVon' from Theo Von Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2020-10-29. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'The Elevator Baby | @TheoVon' from Theo Von Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2020-10-29. Transcript available.

One thing that about, about, uh, being in an elevator that gets my girdle, I
mean, it just boils my damn beef, uh, boils my beef, is when somebody gets in
with a little child and they're like, okay, okay, Tanner, press the button.
And Tanner's standing there. He's got all 10 fingers up his nose. You know, he's
just straight bug hunting. He don't give a damn. And they're like, all right,
Tanner, press the button. And Tanner's like, then he beats his damn little booger
hunters up against the, all like, you know, up against all the buttons.
And it reminds me, actually, I got to tell you this one, this one story. Uh, I'm
in an elevator. I'm going back to elevators and I'm in the elevator. I get in
and this couple gets in at the same time and they have a little child, man.
And, uh, you know, like if an animal came up, I bet he would pick that little
baby up by the back of the neck. You know what I'm saying? He's still a little
fresh out that mom body.
So, we're in there. We get in and I felt like the mom had maybe been drinking.
And she said to the husband, she said, oh, honey, maybe Dunstan will want to
press the button.
And first of all, you can't name a baby Dunstan.
You can't name a baby Dunstan, man. I think Dunstan is a baseball bat.
You can't name a baby Dunstan.
Think about a baby named Dunstan, dude.
Yeah, you can't.
So, I'm looking, I'm like Dunstan, and I'm looking at the baby and I'm thinking,
well, surely she doesn't mean the baby.
The baby is five months old.
That baby couldn't, Dunstan don't have, he, you know, he can't move his arms.
He don't, he's like a scarecrow with no scare in him.
He can't do nothing, you know.
I mean, a snake could eat him.
You know, he has no, Dunstan don't have any capabilities.
So, she's like, honey, honey, maybe Dunstan would like to push the buttons.
And I'm standing there like, we got to get going.
You know, it's been about 18 seconds.
That's a long time to start, for an elevator to start in modern day.
So, then the husband, he has this look on his face like, what?
Like, I don't, but then you can tell who wears the pants in the family, the
lady.
And I don't know if she like wanted to show off for me or what she's thinking,
but next
thing you know, the guy like puts, you know, Dunstan by the buttons and he don't
do nothing.
I knew he wasn't going to do nothing.
And I'm thinking, man, I wish I had a law degree.
Somebody needs to be here on behalf of Dunstan.
Somebody could have Dunstan's best interest, man.
And then they take Dunstan, man, and the dad like puts him by the thing and he's
not pressing
him because he can't press him.
Because he can't do anything.
The only thing he's pressing or even thinking about pressing is just pressing a
tit into
his face, you know.
He's that milk hound, baby.
He's that fucking leche weasel, daddy.
So, now he like takes the baby and like pushes the baby against the buttons.
Like the side of the baby, like the shoulder and the ear and the head.
He like pushes like three buttons.
With little Dunstan is pushing him up against the buttons, man.
And I pushed my own, man.
He's like, what floor you want to go to?
I was like, I'll give Dunstan's already done enough, man.
We're going to four fucking floors that none of us are on.
I'll go where I need to go.
I'll handle my own shit.
Good evening, good afternoon, and other times.
Thanks for watching that video you just saw.
I mean, it was okay.
But the next video you can watch could be way better.
What if you watch a video right now that changes your life?
Well, you could watch this one or watch this one.
Watch this one.
Watch this one.
Watch this one.
Ah!