Name: Theo Von on the Tyson/Jones Fight
Uploaded: 2020-12-01T00:04:43.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Theo Von on the Tyson/Jones Fight' from Theo Von Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2020-12-01. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Theo Von on the Tyson/Jones Fight' from Theo Von Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2020-12-01. Transcript available.

I watched a Tyson fight last night, and dude, I was most excited about seeing
Jake Floyd
against, what's his name, Nate Robinson, and dude, I thought Nate Robinson was
going to
whoop his ass, honestly, because I've fought black dudes before, and they'll
beat your
ass, and so I thought that was kind of how it was going to shake out, but damn,
bro,
Jake Paul, he seemed legit, it was hard to get a real take on it, because Nate
was just
coming at him, Nate kind of had that bulldog, like a bulldog with an ear
infection, you ever
see that dog, and he's trying to bite you, but he also, he don't aim correctly,
because
his, you know, his equilibrium is on, you know, it's got a bad wheel, so he's
biting,
but he's, you know, he's missing to the left every time he tried to, you know,
to teeth
you down, to gum you up, and, and Jake Paul, he really, he made that dude pay,
he made
him pay, I mean, he put him out, son, so you got to give props to both those
dudes for getting
out there, that shit looks scary, them dudes start throwing them fists, man, so
yeah, I
enjoyed watching it, I mean, the whole, I didn't like all the rapping and shit,
and I'm like,
what is all this shit, I felt like I was trapped in a nightclub in Jacksonville,
Florida, I was
like, this shit is crazy, people are fighting, a lot of smoke in the air, a lot
of dance, like
a, just one dude dancing by himself, it definitely had a very Jacksonville vibe
to it, but, so
what, when, watching the Tyson thing, going, I wasn't excited about it, I, I, I
watched it
on, um, Stream East, or whatever, where you get the free stream pirated, I'm
the captain
now, I did the pirate, and why was that pirate, you know, I, I, I stole the
shit, I stole
it, and, yeah, I didn't, I just felt like, uh, I don't know if I didn't feel
like it was
for me, I thought the ring looked like a video game, they really went for this
video game look,
like, complete black in the background, uh, I don't even know if they needed it
at the
Staples Center, I wonder what the cost was of that, because you gotta shell out
them
ducats, you want the Staples Center, you could've done that in, um, you know,
you could've done
that at the, at a Staples, at an abandoned Staples, you know, one of those Staples
that
got looted out there in Los Angeles or Portland, you could've done that on damn
aisle six on
envelopes, but, uh, I just don't know what the cost was to do it at the actual
big Staples
Center, um, but I guess it does add a different mystique to it, and as viewers,
hell, we don't
even know if they really did it at the Staples Center, they could've been
showing it from the
helicopter and not doing it, they could've done that anywhere, uh, what else, I
watched
it, what did I feel like, I felt like it was exactly what I thought it was
gonna be, I'm
glad I didn't pay for it, um, I wanted them, there was too many rules going
into it, and there
was too much hugging, mostly the thing about the Tyson fight, it made me
remember to call
my grandfather, and my grandfather is dead, so, I just prayed a little, and, uh,
almost
Ouija boarded him, but I didn't even honestly know him that well, and he was my
step-grandfather,
and he used to take us on a motorcycle, and we used to catch fresh catfish, and
he would
have him, you know, he'd put him on that stringer, and I'd put him over my
shoulder, and I barely
had a shoulder, I was probably four years old, hell, half the fish was older
than me, I
caught, you know, I'd have 19 years worth of fish on my back, and I'm just strapped
them
bitches on, and he would just let me sit on the back of the motorcycle, I'd
hold on to
him with one arm, and just, you know, shoulder a little batch of bullheads,
spoon river catfish,
shoulder them over my other shoulder, and just, and then get over, you know,
get back to the
house, back to the house, but, but yeah, what else, I remember, you know, it
was, Jones Jr.
looked scared, or just more nervous, he definitely looked gassed out pretty
quick, you know, and
I've seen senior citizens fight, you know, in my neighborhood, when I was
growing up, this
man, Mr. Polito got in a fight, and he got thrown into a ditch fire by Milford
King, and
Milford died, but this is when he was alive, and Milford was our school bus
driver, and he
was shirtless, and a lot of people think, oh, school bus drivers should have a
shirt on,
well, hell if they should, baby boy, you know, a lot of school bus drivers,
they don't need
a shirt, you don't need a shirt to drive a bus, that's a damn myth, you know,
that's a
myth amphetamine, bro, that's people smoking ideas that aren't, aren't facts,
and, uh, and
Milford was redheaded, and he had red chest hair, and back hair, and he
probably weighed
about 305 pounds, 307, 8 pounds, and he spoke, I thought he spoke a different
language, but
he just couldn't talk well, you know, I think they probably taught him about
three quarters
of the alphabet, and the last quarter, it was just, I mean, he was just damn Vanna
Whiten
out there, he's just spinning letters, he didn't know what the hell was going
on, he'd
put a, a seven in the middle of a sentence, he didn't, you know, sometimes he'd
throw a
damn, uh, an asterisk in the middle of a damn word, he don't, you know, he didn't
know,
he wasn't fully equipped, um, you know, if knowledge was an 18-wheeler, this
dude probably
had about a, this dude has seven tires on him, he was that kind of guy, but he
fistfaulted
this old man named Mr. Polito, and threw him in a ditch fire in our
neighborhood, when
they were both pretty much near senior citizenship, and when I saw this fight,
that's the first
thing I thought of, I said, oh, I seen, they should put a, you know, put a damn
fire in
the middle, and let these dudes fucking get Irish, bruh, because they running
this weak
ass, you know, I mean, that's the thing about when old, when old people fight
of different
cultures, they fight differently, you know, old, you got two old, old brothers
out here
fighting, and they, they, actual fist fight, and they got it all gloves and
everything, you
throw two old white dudes out there, somebody's ending up in a damn fire, so,
it's cultural,
baby.
Good evening, good afternoon, and other times.
Thanks for watching that video you just saw.
I mean, it was okay.
But the next video you can watch could be way better.
What if you watch a video right now that changes your life?
Well, you could.
Watch this one.
Or, watch this one.
Watch this one.
Watch this one.
Watch this one.
Ah!