Name: People Are Getting Soft
Uploaded: 2020-12-23T04:57:20.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'People Are Getting Soft' from Theo Von Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2020-12-23. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'People Are Getting Soft' from Theo Von Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2020-12-23. Transcript available.

people's getting soft man people is getting soft dude they not fully baking
people anymore
some people they seem like like i was when i was born i was baked at probably
about 450 degrees
for nine months you know i'm saying that's how to that that's how i rolled out
of my ma
but you got mfers out here some soft batch cotton boys out here just
dude here's what happened so i went to this town called bowling green kentucky
and it is the home of uh fruit of the loom drawers
uh so if you ever been wearing in fruit of the looms baby you know if you ever
got your fruit
all loomed up then you know them bitches came straight out of kentucky that's
basically
kentucky that's holding you nuts bro kentucky that's holding your ivories bro
gotcha um you
know they're just supporting your low batch daddy but um what i'm telling you
is this so i went there
to look at some different vehicles i've been vehicle shopping so i decided i'm
gonna get me a hotel stay
over there for the for the evening dude the guy behind i i go knock on the door
of the hotel
and i understand it's corvid times bro the disease is out
so first the guy comes to the window of the hotel the door glass door
and looks at me like i'm covet like oh who's here is covet here like bitch i'm
not covet
you know what i'm saying i'm regular baby
so anyway the guy it was just so ridiculous like looking at me like he was
going to be able to
judge if i had the disease through the glass
so anyway he lets me inside and um i was like say hey man do you guys have a
room here like yeah we
got a room uh let me go see if it's clean or not i was like all right you know
when he goes upstairs
literally he's upstairs for probably about 15 minutes obviously he should have
cleaned it earlier
that's in his job description and he didn't and how do i know that because i've
been a lazy
motherfucker like this dude that's why that's why i know because i've been that
dude
i've been the dude that shows up to work and doesn't work
and i look i did i was really good at that
so anyway man finally he comes down and uh at this point i'm thinking i might
well just i might
just want to drive back um you know it's only like an hour and a half to where
i'm going to
back home to my place here so anyway so whatever he's looking on the computer
and stuff and
and at a certain point i'm kind of get i'm getting antsy you know it's been a
while and it's getting
late i want to go get something to eat and i know restaurants are kind of
closing a lot of things close
now like eight o'clock nine o'clock so i'm giving him a little bit of pressure
you know like um
you know can you uh can you run my card or you know is there anything i can do
to help saying
stuff like that like a passive aggressive that's what they call it um when you
pretend like you are um
a teddy bear but you really a bad bitch kind of you know um
so anyway he sorry finally he goes look i'm sorry sir okay but i just need you
to relax a little
bit i used to be in a wheelchair i'm like what bro you used to be in a
wheelchair you used to be
that's what we're doing now people are just saying you know look hey man look i
i used to weigh 11 pounds nine ounces when i was born okay huh calm down cut me
some slack here
that guy said i used to be in a wheelchair when bitch you broke your leg once
you know you did some dirty karate somewhere bro
i just don't know it just man don't make me hit you with that rat jitsu bruh
tighten this white dude up
sorry man i'm sorry getting out of line but it just man i don't know man a shit
uh like i
it just like hey hey buddy look i had acne when i was 14 if you could give me a
little bit of room here
okay hey hey guy you know i vomited in the middle of a school play when i was
nine okay if you could just
step back and show some respect it's just like what are we doing man
hey man i used to be in a wheelchair well then get in a wheelchair now if you
in it
you know i'm sorry man but that shit just got me heated up
like somebody just threw some damn warm briquettes in my ass bro
you know that's where i'm at with this shit just
hey hey man look you know i i was a i was i used to be four years old okay i
was only three
and a half feet tall at one time if you could give me a little bit of room here
it's just like now we're like using whatever our weakest moment was as our
front
and i don't mind us sharing our weakest moment man i think there's a level of
connection there
there's an opportunity you know you know it's like we're trading vulnerability
you know you know uh
we're trading um baseball cards there you know i'll give you a you know i feel
uncomfortable
outfielder and you give me a um look man sometimes i'm insecure shortstop and
you know we we recognize
each other from those spaces but i don't know if saying like look man you know
somebody burn my hair off once okay could you give me a little bit of give me
some give me a moment
i'm just sitting on your front porch wondering how could i be so far from my
home
and my mind is somewhere else but when i find it i'll patch up where it's been
blown