Name: Visiting A Cave In Kentucky
Uploaded: 2020-12-31T23:24:03.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Visiting A Cave In Kentucky' from Theo Von Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2020-12-31. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Visiting A Cave In Kentucky' from Theo Von Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2020-12-31. Transcript available.

so I went to this cave right mm-hmm so there's this thing if you go to Kentucky
and there is a cave there because I've been trying to be more outgoing when I
don't want to do something I go do it the other day I didn't want to go to
jujitsu went over to Nashville MMA left out of there feeling like a champ you
know some this lady put me in a sugar lock once you know and I can't I still
can't feel two of my toes and I can't wink out of one of my eyes but God's
plan bro what else am I talking about here what are we saying my mind gets all
rattly oh I went in a cave they got caves over there in a cave is just
basically
like a um it's kind of like a mountain but like I made out of air and so I went
over when I was trying to just do some touristing in this area so I go hit this
cave I'm caving and um well first of all at one point they take you it's a boat
you
go under this part of the ground or earth whatever it is earth rock and they
they you
basically have to duck down inside of the boat so you go first you walk into
the cave
then you get in this boat then you go down this little river and they uh you
get down you have
to go under the rock and you literally have to lay in the boat like if you put
your head
up at all you will die like there is a like it's like 40 yards just straight
rock like you can't
even I can't even believe they'll let us do it as just a customer you know
because once I'm a
customer bro I kind of you know once I'm a customer dog once I give you five or
six dollars or twelve
dollars for an experience I put my life in your hands
I kind of check out I just assume look I gave them nine dollars bro I'm gonna
be safe whatever I'm
doing you know and it's a pretty sad it's a pretty unfortunate and not very you
know it's
kind of the opposite I feel like of being like a navy seal or a marine it's
like being like a um
like a navy skunk or something you know just it's like I'm not really looking
out for myself anymore
you know it's like oh look I trust you look I gave you seven dollars here you
know you taking
me into the bat caves I'm gonna trust you're gonna take care of me so I'm like
on my phone
and shit I'm not even paying and literally almost died like so the boat goes
under the rock
we go through the cave it's nice it's fun it's you know it's it's it's you're
kind of
pretending that it's more fun than it is the guy's like hey here's a hole right
here that uh
you know this hole's from 1904 you're like holy shit
my grandfather could have seen this hole you know just things like that you
and you you know I find myself asking questions like
oh really that's not a question but you know what I'm saying like
like saying things that I don't even really want to say you know like oh wow
huh huh never would have thought of that at the end of the thing here's what
happened
at the end of the thing the guy says and I want to thank you guys for coming
today
and I want to also let you know that um
only like 30 years ago this entire cave
was filled
with trash right he this whole tour he'd been telling us
how beautiful the cave was and the temperature and how there's only one fish
that comes this little fish
named Anna or something little Anna show up and she's the only one that come in
the cave and they you know
where's Anna tonight he's like shining a flashlight in the water and all of
this cutesy stuff you know
and I'm just in the back like you know oh really you know just you know I'm
being a I'm being a customer
I'm being a customer that's what you do
I give you seven dollars you walk me through the thing I say no way
and we and we and you know and I don't die
and you get me back to where we started
and we go our separate ways
maybe I buy a gift at the gift store
usually I do
oh yeah at the very end he's like
and also I just want to thank everybody for buying a ticket today
you know the caves used to be only 20 years ago these caves were filled
entirely to the top
with and then he started just rattling off
just complete bullshit it's like washers and dryers petroleum uh trash
he's like people came from all around to throw their trash in these caves
he's like they even found half of a mobile home in here
now where was the other half
I don't know
but uh and I'm like oh really
anyway bro it was just crazy that basically what I toured was like a hollowed
out landfill
like basically somebody tricked me
in a touring out a hollowed out landfill in Kentucky
for about 13 dollars
so anybody out there that says you can't start a small business
get you a shovel
and get you some bullshit
and get you a square reader for your phone
and I bet you you're gonna be good man
I'm just sitting on your front porch
wondering how could I be so far from my home
and my mind is somewhere else
but when I find it I'll patch up where it's been
blown