Name: Would You Forgo Your Existence For The Perfect Life?
Uploaded: 2021-01-30T09:54:18.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Would You Forgo Your Existence For The Perfect Life?' from Theo Von Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2021-01-30. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Would You Forgo Your Existence For The Perfect Life?' from Theo Von Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2021-01-30. Transcript available.

If I had infinity powers, like I have infinite powers and I could give you the
perfect life, okay, I mean, literally whatever was perfect for you moment to
moment, because I had infinite powers, I could adjust it.
I could, it's just infinity what I can do for you, no limit, except for me to
do
that, I have to have you sign a piece of paper and that paper's going to have
me
take your brain out of your skull and put it in your, float in a vat.
Your brain's just going to be floating in the vat.
And you're not going to know you're the brain in the vat because you're
going to be having the perfect life.
Right.
Whatever that is.
Right.
It's going to be perfect at all times.
Sign up.
But my brain's gone.
Your brain's in the vat.
My brain's in the vat.
And having the perfect life, just floating there having the perfect life.
Wow.
And if not.
No.
Yeah.
Why not?
Because.
Forgo the perfect existence.
Because I want to experience it.
Well, you're experiencing it, because I have infinity powers.
I can make you feel like you're experiencing it.
I mean, you are experiencing it as far as you know, but I think there's
something in what, that I want to experience a thing.
What is it you want to experience that you can't experience?
Some of the tough parts, I guess.
I have infinity powers.
I can do all that.
I can do everything.
Anything.
Can be good at that, whatever.
Infinity.
I want control.
Yeah.
I give you control.
I give you, I have infinite powers.
There's one thing I can't do, though.
By virtue of you being a brain in the vat, there's one and only one thing,
because of
that circumstance, that I can't do.
You can't be me?
I can't have you exist to other people anymore.
You cease to exist to other people.
Oh, wow.
You don't know that.
Right.
But you have to sign up to cease to exist.
And most humans won't do that.
That's how important other people are to us.
Wow.
We would forego the perfect existence.
We don't know why we wouldn't sign up, but we all have this instinct, like, I
gotta sign
up.
It's because you leave the people you love, you won't exist to them, you'll,
you know,
they'll obviously have their grief and whatever, but you really won't exist.
And so even if your role in your perfect existence is to go save humanity, you
can save humanity
as the brain in the vat, and you will have done exactly nothing.
Wow.
Because you won't exist.
It's the same thing that scares, it's the same moment that used to scare me
about dying
all the time.
It would be that moment where, fuck, I won't exist.
I won't exist at all.
But at least in the brain in the vat, you'll think you exist.
Oh, the brain in the vat sounds beautiful.
Yeah, it's better than dying, I suppose.
I mean, basically, I just want to be a server to Baskin-Robbins, but we're shut
down because
of weather, and so I get everything.
That's really my super time.
That's what you'll be.
Well, I imagine if anybody ever signed up for that, if there ever were such a
thing.
I wanted to write a script one time where I was thinking if we could, you know,
something
goes wrong, I've got somebody who has a brain in the vat, and something goes
wrong, I have
to go in and meet him in his brain in the vat land.
And I just imagined he's just somebody just eating people.
shitting on the crew, and it'd be like Westworld.
It'd be like, what?
Right?
Right.
I imagine that's what would happen.
I'm just sitting on your front porch, wondering how could I be so far from my
home?
And my mind is somewhere else, but when I find it, I'll patch up where it's
been blown.