Name: Theo Von & Jim Breuer Trade Norm Macdonald Stories
Uploaded: 2021-02-09T17:40:22.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Theo Von & Jim Breuer Trade Norm Macdonald Stories' from Theo Von Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2021-02-09. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Theo Von & Jim Breuer Trade Norm Macdonald Stories' from Theo Von Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2021-02-09. Transcript available.

We get to the gig and it is packed and they go, now listen, there's kids here
and there's students and alum and the dean and all these people here.
That's the worst.
Yeah, clean. I get it. No worries.
Norm goes up. I'm not even exaggerating.
The first thing he says, he goes up, he goes, ah, this fucking, what the fuck
got me?
First person to even curse, right?
I went, ooh, shit, he cursed.
He goes, so if you're gay, would you rather be the ass guy or the dick guy?
Spade makes me laugh. McDonald makes me laugh. I know everybody, you, Norm
makes me laugh hard.
Dude, hold on, I'll tell you a thing about Norm.
So he did this thing one time. He gets up, he goes from one room into another
room, right?
He stops at the doorway and he's like, what, what is, what, what is this?
What is like a, what is this? He's like banging on the door, like just the
doorway.
He's like, what is like a portal to like another, what is this?
And he's, he's literally asking the people in the room, right? What do you call
this thing?
It's like a, like a portal to, what is, what, how do you just go through? Where
am I?
And he was just talking about a doorway, but it was so.
He makes anything funny.
I remember we were, it was me, him, he came to, it was, I think he was doing a
show with Spade in Irvine.
And I went to go watch and he came at, we went in the, we went like by the dumpster
afterwards.
And it was me, him.
Oh, I know what you're talking about outside.
Yeah.
That little outside area where you park.
Yes.
Yeah.
And I don't know if it was, there was one other person.
I don't remember who was there.
So he said, he said, bro, you want to get stoned?
I went, nah, man, I stopped.
He goes, what?
Jesus Christ.
Fucking guy from here, big.
You can't fucking stop getting high.
Fuck you dying to me.
He was so angry that I didn't want to get high.
He was so pissed.
He was genuinely pissed.
The fuck is that?
Who the fuck is that?
Bro, you didn't fucking get high.
Jesus Christ.
The fuck is that?
Are you joking?
Jesus Christ, bro.
What the fuck?
He was so, you're judging me now?
No.
No, I just, I stopped for a while, man.
That's all.
I smoked it all.
I did everything.
I smoked as much as I could.
I beat the shit out of marijuana.
Hard.
I think you won.
One hit.
I was crushing it.
I'm meeting, I'm meeting Vaughn years before, talking about punching elephants
in the nuts.
Been there, done that.
I did it, yeah.
Dude, he, one time I had to open up for him in, this was at a casino.
We were doing like a casino gig in Shawnee, Oklahoma.
And Cherokee Creek Casino, I think.
And it could have, I don't know, this cool lady that I think maybe tried to
make love to somebody.
But she also helped us get the gig.
And Norm was fucked up, I think, that when he went on.
He went on after me.
And like, I don't think he, I don't even think for the first seven minutes, I
don't even think he said anything, right?
But the crazy part was, the next day, we were at, there was like a, we had to
play cards too the next day.
You know, like be there for the weekend, you know?
So we go to the card tables and Norm's like, man, there's a lot of, a lot of
good pussy in here.
And I don't know him really well.
So I'm thinking, I'm looking around this room, bro, there is zero attractive
women, right?
There's zero attractive men, okay?
So it's not, even if you wanted some ass pussy, there's nothing.
Yeah, it's a casino.
And it's a, it's a gambling game.
It's poker.
Yeah.
Five card poker, you know?
So, and I'm just thinking, well, I guess I just agree with him.
You know, he's getting older and, you know, maybe he has a different perception
of what's attractive.
And I'm like, I'm like, yeah, man, there's sure he's, he goes, fuck, no, there
isn't.
Like he had played me, you know, like, he was like, this is the ugliest batch
of people I've ever seen.
I was just talking about him the other night.
Now, I was there for one of the greatest Norm moments in comedy history.
I think he, he was kicked, he was kicked out of Nebraska.
That sounds realistic.
And I, you, you can maybe look it up later, where it says Norm Macdonald was
kicked out of the state by the governor.
And he went on, he went on Letterman to talk about it.
And I want to say it was like 1996, because I just finished my first year at SNL.
It was 95, so it was the summer of 96.
And I remember going on tour.
There you go.
You saw it.
Go down.
Yeah, kicked out of Iowa.
That's me talking about it.
Okay.
But anyway.
Should we look on a video or should we look on a story?
No, no.
Don't look at that.
I want to see the real, there has to be a headline.
How Norm Macdonald got kicked out of Iowa?
Yes.
Okay.
Gazette.
There you go.
Okay.
All right.
So, many were disgusted.
Some were delighted.
So, he's supposed to know.
Now, you got to stand something.
Okay?
Mm-hmm.
He, this is the first time me touring with a star.
Okay.
We go to the airport and people are like, oh my God, you're Norm Macdonald.
I'm like, wow.
This is everywhere we went.
Oh my God, you're Norm Macdonald.
We show up at the university.
He's like, eh, I got to go golfing with the fucking governor tomorrow.
They made me a fucking golf fucking governor.
Yeah, what is that game where you fucking hit the thing?
So, I'm like, he's with a governor.
This is huge.
Who gets to say that?
So, I'm, it's me, Darryl Hammond, and him.
And you, both of you guys went?
We're on the gig.
Okay, okay.
We're going out.
He's telling us.
Darryl Hammond, yes.
And so, we get to the gig and it's packed.
And they go, now listen, there's kids here and there's students and alum and
the dean.
And all these people here.
So, they're like, yeah, clean.
I get it.
No worries.
I go, we're in Sunday night.
I guess that's why we got you guys because you're used to live TV.
So, Darryl goes up first, does his 20 minutes, does impressions, does his
comedy.
Hilarious.
I go up, do my 20, feel great, crush it.
Norm goes up.
I'm not even exaggerating.
The first thing he says, he goes up, he goes, I'm preparing.
I'm like, this is going to launch my crew.
Are you kidding me?
This is going to be huge.
I'm going to be all.
He goes, fucking.
Remember the fuck out of me?
First person to even curse.
I went, oh, shit, he cursed.
He goes, so, if you're gay, would you rather be the ass guy or the dick guy?
This is what he starts off with.
So, I go, I go, Darryl, you got to come see this.
And he's going, and he won't stop.
Darryl's just being depressed in the back.
Because if you're the ass guy, why do you want to be the ass guy?
First of all, he's going off.
People are grabbing their kids, running up the aisle.
I mean, I never saw a place clear out.
It looked like a fire alarm was going off.
But the college students were staying.
And they were howling with laughter.
And he, one thing, and then in the middle, after about 15 minutes, he goes,
Jesus Christ, what do you want to do?
Are you a fucking airplane jokes?
Are you a fucking 7-Eleven jokes?
Jesus Christ.
Fuck out of here.
So, the next day, in the paper, USA Today with a gazette, they're like,
Norm Macdonald's out.
Wow.
Governor wants him out of the state.
Governor wants him out.
Throw him, get out of my state.
But to witness that was, I have so many Norm moments in my life.
My first press conference with Norm was, they prepped us into like, you know,
you got to speak, and there's some, it's live, BBC.
And he's a bigger star than you, so you have to sit there and kind of pay,
you have to be.
It was him and Spade right next to me.
So, you have to be second fiddle at the moment?
Yeah, man.
I just got, I'm the new kid on the block.
We're all a new cast.
It was an all new cast, except for Spade, Tim Meadows, and Norm Macdonald.
Wow.
And we're like, whoa.
And even looking at Norm and Spade, I was like, oh, these guys are stars.
This is huge.
Yeah, man.
I'm really looking off to them.
And the press conference go, and I dropped the ball right out of the bat.
Right out of the bat.
They asked me, the head of NBC who fought for me to be there, goes,
Jim, what was it like growing up watching SNL?
Oh, now you're here, you're from New York, and now a fellow New Yorker.
I said, I didn't watch SNL growing up.
Well, you can hear.
I was like, oh.
I saw, I went, oh, that was, that was, Spade went, hee, hee, hee, hee.
So, he's like, hee, hee, hee, hee.
And I knew right away, like, oh, man, that was really bad.
That was bad.
And so, he goes, I go, well, I, I, I wasn't allowed to, because I was young.
And he goes, well, what about when you were old?
He's trying to prep me.
He goes, surely when you got older and, and you were allowed to watch it.
Yes.
And I went, I was out on Saturdays.
I wasn't watching TV.
And, and, and, and Norrin's like, ah, they're going to like you.
They're going to like you.
Yeah, this guy, this guy.
And he's smoking.
No way.
He's smoking.
And, and Marcy Klein, he's going, Norrin, put out the cigarettes.
I'm not done.
This guy's going to get fired.
So, I think I'm going to get fired, because I saw Lorne Michaels' face.
He was pissed.
So, you're sitting there super nervous at this point?
I swear in my life, in my kids' lives, I thought I was going to get fired.
Damn.
Because I just basically said, I don't want to sign it live.
Yeah.
And I never did.
And.
Yeah, which is not.
Not a good answer.
It's not the message.
In front of the press.
Yeah.
And I didn't say it in a mean manner, but I could just tell the boss man was
like, so,
oh, Jesus Lord.
So, now I'm sitting there thinking I'm going to get fired.
Swear to God.
And I'm just like, oh my God, I didn't even get, I didn't even make it to the
first episode.
I didn't even let me go.
This is what's going on in my head.
There has, there has to be a video.
There could be a video of this press conference in the black market somewhere.
I've looked for it, never found it.
It's the 1995 press conference.
And so, they ask Norm, they go, Norm, you, Tim Meadows, David Spade, you've
been here.
You, you know, the frat house.
Everyone knows SNL is a frat house.
What kind of, what kind of practical jokes you got lined up for these new cast
members?
And I swear to you, I went, I'm not even going to be part of the, the frat
house or the practical jokes.
And Norm goes, eh, first of all, he's annoyed.
He goes, practical jokes?
Is that what you asked?
What kind of practical jokes?
Eh, well, first we were thinking about anal rape.
You know, like, hey, hey, yeah, take your pant, we're going to anally rape you.
Welcome to Saturday Night Live going, oh, shit.
He's going to get fired too?
Yeah.
You can't say anal rape in front of the press?
Yeah.
He said anal rape?
So suddenly you're like, I'm back in this.
I'm in it.
I'm good.
I'm good.
And I went up to him after.
I went, Norrie's like, they don't give it.
No, he has a shit, bro.
You know, you can't, fuck these guys.
And I realized he would pitch at the pitch meeting.
He just didn't care.
He didn't care.
And I learned so much from him.
Just clearly he saw a lot and he's been there forever.
Like he would, I remember he, he got, he gathered the new cast up.
He's like, he goes, where are you guys?
Hey, don't write me any of your gay sketches.
He goes, I'm telling you right now when I do a sketch is getting you on.
But don't put me any of your gay little sketches.
I swear to God, man.
I also traumatized him.
We were, we would play football in the hallway.
Cause he was very competitive.
He's always betting.
And it was a very tiny hallway.
Maybe as wide as this, maybe.
And, uh, he like, come on, bro.
We're playing three in the morning.
Oh, fuck it.
Come on, we're playing fucking playing football.
Me, you, Colin Quinn.
And fucking, uh, Justin.
Justin, you fucking, fuck the phone calls.
No one's calling three in the morning.
Get in the fucking ball.
Let's go.
So he would cheat.
Would piss me off.
Cause I'm competitive.
And I'll never forget.
He keeps cheating and cheating.
And now I'm pissed.
How's he cheating?
It's like a hallway.
It's like a hospital hallway.
It's a hallway, but he fucking cheat.
He's a cheater.
Yeah.
All right, so I had boots on.
So I had, I had work boots on.
Yeah, yeah.
Cause yeah, you used those to write in.
I'm supposed to write in fucking work boots on.
I'm stoned.
Oh, the ink's heavy.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
So now he, he, he cheated.
I caught the ball and then he, he grabbed it and pulled it from me.
He's like, Hey, fumbled.
And he starts running the other way.
I'll never forget.
I fucking kicked him as he's running in his, in his calf.
I went pow.
And he goes, ah, ah, Jesus Christ, bro.
Why did you fucking kick me in my fucking calf?
I said, cause you're cheating.
So you fucking kicked me?
Ah, Jesus Christ.
And all he did all week, he's like, fucking bro.
You fucking kicked me in my calf?
Cause I took the fucking ball.
Jesus Christ, bro.
And Spade just in the distance is like,
Yeah, I had a good, and so those little moments, I absolutely, I loved more of
that stuff.
You know, all of it was worth it.
All of it was worth it.
Wasn't easy, but it was all worth it.
Hope you enjoyed that video and you can watch another and you can watch this
one.
You can watch this one.
Different options, different choices.
Some guy just brings you a one option, not this guy.
Two options.
Watch one.
This one or this one.

Theo Von & Jim Breuer Trade Norm Macdonald Stories

We get to the gig and it is packed and they go, now listen, there's kids here
and there's students and alum and the dean and all these people here.
That's the worst.
Yeah, clean. I get it. No worries.
Norm goes up. I'm not even exaggerating.
The first thing he says, he goes up, he goes, ah, this fucking, what the fuck
got me?
First person to even curse, right?
I went, ooh, shit, he cursed.
He goes, so if you're gay, would you rather be the ass guy or the dick guy?
Spade makes me laugh. McDonald makes me laugh. I know everybody, you, Norm
makes me laugh hard.
Dude, hold on, I'll tell you a thing about Norm.
So he did this thing one time. He gets up, he goes from one room into another
room, right?
He stops at the doorway and he's like, what, what is, what, what is this?
What is like a, what is this? He's like banging on the door, like just the
doorway.
He's like, what is like a portal to like another, what is this?
And he's, he's literally asking the people in the room, right? What do you call
this thing?
It's like a, like a portal to, what is, what, how do you just go through? Where
am I?
And he was just talking about a doorway, but it was so.
He makes anything funny.
I remember we were, it was me, him, he came to, it was, I think he was doing a
show with Spade in Irvine.
And I went to go watch and he came at, we went in the, we went like by the dumpster
afterwards.
And it was me, him.
Oh, I know what you're talking about outside.
Yeah.
That little outside area where you park.
Yes.
Yeah.
And I don't know if it was, there was one other person.
I don't remember who was there.
So he said, he said, bro, you want to get stoned?
I went, nah, man, I stopped.
He goes, what?
Jesus Christ.
Fucking guy from here, big.
You can't fucking stop getting high.
Fuck you dying to me.
He was so angry that I didn't want to get high.
He was so pissed.
He was genuinely pissed.
The fuck is that?
Who the fuck is that?
Bro, you didn't fucking get high.
Jesus Christ.
The fuck is that?
Are you joking?
Jesus Christ, bro.
What the fuck?
He was so, you're judging me now?
No.
No, I just, I stopped for a while, man.
That's all.
I smoked it all.
I did everything.
I smoked as much as I could.
I beat the shit out of marijuana.
Hard.
I think you won.
One hit.
I was crushing it.
I'm meeting, I'm meeting Vaughn years before, talking about punching elephants
in the nuts.
Been there, done that.
I did it, yeah.
Dude, he, one time I had to open up for him in, this was at a casino.
We were doing like a casino gig in Shawnee, Oklahoma.
And Cherokee Creek Casino, I think.
And it could have, I don't know, this cool lady that I think maybe tried to
make love to somebody.
But she also helped us get the gig.
And Norm was fucked up, I think, that when he went on.
He went on after me.
And like, I don't think he, I don't even think for the first seven minutes, I
don't even think he said anything, right?
But the crazy part was, the next day, we were at, there was like a, we had to
play cards too the next day.
You know, like be there for the weekend, you know?
So we go to the card tables and Norm's like, man, there's a lot of, a lot of
good pussy in here.
And I don't know him really well.
So I'm thinking, I'm looking around this room, bro, there is zero attractive
women, right?
There's zero attractive men, okay?
So it's not, even if you wanted some ass pussy, there's nothing.
Yeah, it's a casino.
And it's a, it's a gambling game.
It's poker.
Yeah.
Five card poker, you know?
So, and I'm just thinking, well, I guess I just agree with him.
You know, he's getting older and, you know, maybe he has a different perception
of what's attractive.
And I'm like, I'm like, yeah, man, there's sure he's, he goes, fuck, no, there
isn't.
Like he had played me, you know, like, he was like, this is the ugliest batch
of people I've ever seen.
I was just talking about him the other night.
Now, I was there for one of the greatest Norm moments in comedy history.
I think he, he was kicked, he was kicked out of Nebraska.
That sounds realistic.
And I, you, you can maybe look it up later, where it says Norm Macdonald was
kicked out of the state by the governor.
And he went on, he went on Letterman to talk about it.
And I want to say it was like 1996, because I just finished my first year at SNL.
It was 95, so it was the summer of 96.
And I remember going on tour.
There you go.
You saw it.
Go down.
Yeah, kicked out of Iowa.
That's me talking about it.
Okay.
But anyway.
Should we look on a video or should we look on a story?
No, no.
Don't look at that.
I want to see the real, there has to be a headline.
How Norm Macdonald got kicked out of Iowa?
Yes.
Okay.
Gazette.
There you go.
Okay.
All right.
So, many were disgusted.
Some were delighted.
So, he's supposed to know.
Now, you got to stand something.
Okay?
Mm-hmm.
He, this is the first time me touring with a star.
Okay.
We go to the airport and people are like, oh my God, you're Norm Macdonald.
I'm like, wow.
This is everywhere we went.
Oh my God, you're Norm Macdonald.
We show up at the university.
He's like, eh, I got to go golfing with the fucking governor tomorrow.
They made me a fucking golf fucking governor.
Yeah, what is that game where you fucking hit the thing?
So, I'm like, he's with a governor.
This is huge.
Who gets to say that?
So, I'm, it's me, Darryl Hammond, and him.
And you, both of you guys went?
We're on the gig.
Okay, okay.
We're going out.
He's telling us.
Darryl Hammond, yes.
And so, we get to the gig and it's packed.
And they go, now listen, there's kids here and there's students and alum and
the dean.
And all these people here.
So, they're like, yeah, clean.
I get it.
No worries.
I go, we're in Sunday night.
I guess that's why we got you guys because you're used to live TV.
So, Darryl goes up first, does his 20 minutes, does impressions, does his
comedy.
Hilarious.
I go up, do my 20, feel great, crush it.
Norm goes up.
I'm not even exaggerating.
The first thing he says, he goes up, he goes, I'm preparing.
I'm like, this is going to launch my crew.
Are you kidding me?
This is going to be huge.
I'm going to be all.
He goes, fucking.
Remember the fuck out of me?
First person to even curse.
I went, oh, shit, he cursed.
He goes, so, if you're gay, would you rather be the ass guy or the dick guy?
This is what he starts off with.
So, I go, I go, Darryl, you got to come see this.
And he's going, and he won't stop.
Darryl's just being depressed in the back.
Because if you're the ass guy, why do you want to be the ass guy?
First of all, he's going off.
People are grabbing their kids, running up the aisle.
I mean, I never saw a place clear out.
It looked like a fire alarm was going off.
But the college students were staying.
And they were howling with laughter.
And he, one thing, and then in the middle, after about 15 minutes, he goes,
Jesus Christ, what do you want to do?
Are you a fucking airplane jokes?
Are you a fucking 7-Eleven jokes?
Jesus Christ.
Fuck out of here.
So, the next day, in the paper, USA Today with a gazette, they're like,
Norm Macdonald's out.
Wow.
Governor wants him out of the state.
Governor wants him out.
Throw him, get out of my state.
But to witness that was, I have so many Norm moments in my life.
My first press conference with Norm was, they prepped us into like, you know,
you got to speak, and there's some, it's live, BBC.
And he's a bigger star than you, so you have to sit there and kind of pay,
you have to be.
It was him and Spade right next to me.
So, you have to be second fiddle at the moment?
Yeah, man.
I just got, I'm the new kid on the block.
We're all a new cast.
It was an all new cast, except for Spade, Tim Meadows, and Norm Macdonald.
Wow.
And we're like, whoa.
And even looking at Norm and Spade, I was like, oh, these guys are stars.
This is huge.
Yeah, man.
I'm really looking off to them.
And the press conference go, and I dropped the ball right out of the bat.
Right out of the bat.
They asked me, the head of NBC who fought for me to be there, goes,
Jim, what was it like growing up watching SNL?
Oh, now you're here, you're from New York, and now a fellow New Yorker.
I said, I didn't watch SNL growing up.
Well, you can hear.
I was like, oh.
I saw, I went, oh, that was, that was, Spade went, hee, hee, hee, hee.
So, he's like, hee, hee, hee, hee.
And I knew right away, like, oh, man, that was really bad.
That was bad.
And so, he goes, I go, well, I, I, I wasn't allowed to, because I was young.
And he goes, well, what about when you were old?
He's trying to prep me.
He goes, surely when you got older and, and you were allowed to watch it.
Yes.
And I went, I was out on Saturdays.
I wasn't watching TV.
And, and, and, and Norrin's like, ah, they're going to like you.
They're going to like you.
Yeah, this guy, this guy.
And he's smoking.
No way.
He's smoking.
And, and Marcy Klein, he's going, Norrin, put out the cigarettes.
I'm not done.
This guy's going to get fired.
So, I think I'm going to get fired, because I saw Lorne Michaels' face.
He was pissed.
So, you're sitting there super nervous at this point?
I swear in my life, in my kids' lives, I thought I was going to get fired.
Damn.
Because I just basically said, I don't want to sign it live.
Yeah.
And I never did.
And.
Yeah, which is not.
Not a good answer.
It's not the message.
In front of the press.
Yeah.
And I didn't say it in a mean manner, but I could just tell the boss man was
like, so,
oh, Jesus Lord.
So, now I'm sitting there thinking I'm going to get fired.
Swear to God.
And I'm just like, oh my God, I didn't even get, I didn't even make it to the
first episode.
I didn't even let me go.
This is what's going on in my head.
There has, there has to be a video.
There could be a video of this press conference in the black market somewhere.
I've looked for it, never found it.
It's the 1995 press conference.
And so, they ask Norm, they go, Norm, you, Tim Meadows, David Spade, you've
been here.
You, you know, the frat house.
Everyone knows SNL is a frat house.
What kind of, what kind of practical jokes you got lined up for these new cast
members?
And I swear to you, I went, I'm not even going to be part of the, the frat
house or the practical jokes.
And Norm goes, eh, first of all, he's annoyed.
He goes, practical jokes?
Is that what you asked?
What kind of practical jokes?
Eh, well, first we were thinking about anal rape.
You know, like, hey, hey, yeah, take your pant, we're going to anally rape you.
Welcome to Saturday Night Live going, oh, shit.
He's going to get fired too?
Yeah.
You can't say anal rape in front of the press?
Yeah.
He said anal rape?
So suddenly you're like, I'm back in this.
I'm in it.
I'm good.
I'm good.
And I went up to him after.
I went, Norrie's like, they don't give it.
No, he has a shit, bro.
You know, you can't, fuck these guys.
And I realized he would pitch at the pitch meeting.
He just didn't care.
He didn't care.
And I learned so much from him.
Just clearly he saw a lot and he's been there forever.
Like he would, I remember he, he got, he gathered the new cast up.
He's like, he goes, where are you guys?
Hey, don't write me any of your gay sketches.
He goes, I'm telling you right now when I do a sketch is getting you on.
But don't put me any of your gay little sketches.
I swear to God, man.
I also traumatized him.
We were, we would play football in the hallway.
Cause he was very competitive.
He's always betting.
And it was a very tiny hallway.
Maybe as wide as this, maybe.
And, uh, he like, come on, bro.
We're playing three in the morning.
Oh, fuck it.
Come on, we're playing fucking playing football.
Me, you, Colin Quinn.
And fucking, uh, Justin.
Justin, you fucking, fuck the phone calls.
No one's calling three in the morning.
Get in the fucking ball.
Let's go.
So he would cheat.
Would piss me off.
Cause I'm competitive.
And I'll never forget.
He keeps cheating and cheating.
And now I'm pissed.
How's he cheating?
It's like a hallway.
It's like a hospital hallway.
It's a hallwa