Name: True Crime: Raccoons | Animal Control Man
Uploaded: 2021-03-29T04:14:41.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'True Crime: Raccoons | Animal Control Man' from Theo Von Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2021-03-29. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'True Crime: Raccoons | Animal Control Man' from Theo Von Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2021-03-29. Transcript available.

Raccoons, though, get the, they really, I feel like, kind of get the, they get
looked
at, I feel like, as Mother Nature's kind of hit man a little bit.
They really have come into their own as being just burglars, you know, like, I
think every
time you see them, they look so guilty.
They look like they.
They call them, you know, bandits.
They have that kind of a mask on them.
I mean, they, when they see our houses or your house, they just see a tree.
They see, you know, every, you know, the neighborhoods and subdivisions are
tearing
down more woods and more environment to build the houses.
So they're running out of places and they don't have really, their main
predator is man.
Wow.
And so they, they, when they look at your house, just like any of these animals,
they just see
a, they just see a big tree, a funny looking tree.
You know, they can climb right up the side and right up a downspout and they'll
find a way
in and they'll make, they'll make your home their home.
So they just see their house, your house as a tree, really.
That's it.
I mean, that's what they see it as, you know, just, just a different type of
structure.
They want to be the, the female raccoons.
They want to be up high.
They want to know if they're not in like a cavity of a tree where they know
would be in
the nature because they want it.
They want to be up high.
So that when they have their young, they're away from predators.
They're away from things that could hurt their babies.
One of their main, one of their main concerns when they're having their babies
is male
raccoons.
Another one of mother nature's things is a male raccoon will search out the
female and
kill those babies to make her come into heat again, which is another cruel way
of mother
nature.
It's, it's just a cycle.
Just, it's just mother nature.
And so the mama raccoons or sow raccoons that we come, they'll, they'll go,
they get
high up in attics and that's, they'll make their dens trying to keep away from
everything
else.
And the male raccoons.
So even there, could it even be the own male that knocked them up?
I mean, it could be, I don't know.
Oh my God, dude.
It sounds like a damn John Grisham.
I mean, it is possible.
Some of the, one technique that we use, eviction fluid, which is mainly raccoon
piss.
And you can take it.
I'm not a big fan of it because I like to catch the raccoon and remove it.
No, I've removed it out of your house, but you can take eviction fluid and put
it around
their entry hole and in the attic.
And the female raccoon will think there's a male present and take her babies
and shag out
of there.
Okay.
So you mean if you want to get her out of there?
Yeah.
Some, some places they, if you use like all humane, no, no trapping, they can
use eviction
fluid and that, that's something that can make the female think there's a male
present and
she'll get her babies and get out.
But you still have, there's a raccoon there.
Right.
It's going to go somewhere else.
It's going to be somebody else's problem.
I mean, I like to trap them and get rid of it.
That way I can tell the customer, Hey, we got, I've got mama.
I got five kits out of your attic and sealed up and we're good to go.
Then we got, yeah, we got the problem to solve.
Otherwise you just, once you put that piss down there, you're just looking, you're
scaring
them off, but you don't know where you're scaring them to.
Yeah.
So you haven't really solved the problem.
They can, they'll either leave or they'll just go even deeper.
You just carry in the one.
Yeah.
You haven't really solved the problem.
Now, what about this?
I want to get back a little bit to this.
I mean, it's almost like a Shakespeare story that the, so the, the female can
have children,
have babies, raccoon can have babies and a man raccoon will come and kill the
babies while
they're being born.
Well, after she has, after she has them, will the male raccoon eat them or just
kill them?
It usually just kills them.
Okay.
Kill them and then kill them just so the female will go back in the heat.
So then he can get laid basically.
Yeah.
I mean, yeah, you can put it that.
I mean, it's not the only, a lot of animals do it.
Lions, you know, the, they'll kill the cubs, you know, and other animals like
it'll kill
their offspring or the offspring.
It just hurts me, man.
To make her, to make them come back in the heat.
So that's, it just hurts my feelings.
I mean, that's not, I don't come across it very often, but I mean, I've found
it where
I'll come do an attic inspection and just find a bloodbath, you know, just a
little young,
I mean, little kitsch.
I mean, size of the pop can and just be ripped open.
Just, you know, horrible where the male raccoons come in and kill them all.
I mean, it happens.
You don't see it very often, which I don't see it very often.
It's like the, it's like the first forest eight kind of, you know, it's
something.
Like I said, you know, mother nature's cool sometimes.
How are they not a bigger problem?
It seemed like they're after sex, you're saying they're doing sex in the attic
and
they're, you know, they're willing to kill children, get sex.
And they're, you know, they're obviously breaking into people's homes.
Like I see them in the recycling bin constantly, or I see them usually in the
trash and I'll
see, you ever see that one weird raccoon that's in the recycling bin?
It's like, what is he?
He's like, he's reading in there or something, you know, but I'll see the ones
in, you know,
it's like, you'll go out at night.
Here's what I find fascinating.
You'll go out to a, you'll drive through a neighborhood and it's peaceful,
regular looking
neighborhood.
Everything seems normal.
And it's only three or four trees in the dang neighborhood.
It wouldn't, if you, if you asked everybody all day, is there any raccoons in
this neighborhood?
People put zero on the form and you come by at about dang 1240.
I feel like are 1115 PM and you'll see them in little groups of three, just
cruising along,
man.
It's like they, they can hide.
So, I mean, they hide right before your damn eyes.
It seems like, so how are they not a bigger problem?
And what kind of problem are they, these raccoons?
And you can be honest with me.
I mean, they're, they're my raccoon, my raccoons every year through my business.
It's getting bigger and bigger.
I mean, more, it's getting to be more and more of a problem.
I knew it.
Like the more we build and go into the farmland, we're taking out their habitat.
They're, like I said, the only natural real predator is man.
There's a car and disease, which they get overcrowded.
Like anything, they'll get disease, they'll get in them, distemper, or they get
rabies
and they'll kill some of them off.
But they are, I mean, a lot of people have them and don't know they have them.
Really?
You know, you might, if you're in a house, you might hear something every once
in a while
and they're like, well, it's just raccoon.
No big deal.
They don't come in here and bother me in my living room because I'll be in
houses, in attics.
Oh, we just started hearing it last week and it's obvious they've had it for
years.
Wow.
Just some people just don't know it.
I mean, they're sneaky.
They're sometimes quiet.
You got the insulation in your attic and they don't make a whole lot of noise,
you know,
or you overlook it as something else or just don't want to know what, just don't
want
to know what it is.
And are they flame retardant raccoons?
Can they, are they flammable animals?
You know what I'm saying?
Like their skin is so thick, it seems like they wouldn't be in an attic.
It just seemed like a good place for fire, you know, or something like bad to
happen.
They're actually, they're very tough creatures.
I've had a, I did a, had a one particular job this spring, early spring or late
winter.
And it took us a month and three days for, I caught four raccoons out of an
attic and a
month and three days, the final raccoon came out.
And what was he doing?
Just hands up in denial?
They were juvenile, young raccoon, last year's raccoons, just denning and just
they're trap
shy and won't, you know, they won't, they won't come out.
I mean, in the summertime, it's not unusual to have a raccoon go a week, maybe
two weeks
in the summer and an attic would be 140 degrees.
I mean, they're a tough creature.
Stay in there, no food or water.
No, sometimes they can get water, your air conditioning, they'll have a condensation
pan.
They'll sip off that bastard.
They can get a little bit of water off that.
God, they're sneaky, man.
They're just so damn sneaky.
That's what gets me, you know, they're just the damn, they're the real Andy Dufresnes
of
the damn animal kingdom.
You know what I'm saying?
They're wild, man.
Is there any animal as sneaky as a raccoon?
I mean, let's put the crown on the prince, brother.
Is there any animal as sneaky as a dang raccoon?
I got to say bobcat's pretty sneaky.
There you go.
I mean, I don't get the calls, you know, like they don't invade your homes like
a raccoon
does.
But they got to be pretty sneaky.
I mean, they're pretty sneaky.
Rats.
I do a lot of rat work.
Oh, yeah.
They can be pretty sneaky.
So do I, brother.
They're hard to get and sometimes they're a pretty big challenge to get to rats.
They're pretty sneaky.
They don't like change and, you know, you mess with them, they'll change their
routes and
where they come in and they're a sneaky animal.
They're all kind of sneaky, you know, but those come to mind as being the most
sneaky to me.
There's a real fine line from cute to pest, isn't there?
Yeah.
There's that real fine line.
Baby raccoons, they're adorable.
I mean, they're so cute.
My grandmother didn't really like me.
And whenever she died, she was still alive, but we didn't get along well.
But the lady, I remember this lady told me one time, my grandma didn't like me.
This was her friend.
Her friend told me that and her friend had a raccoon on her, which she told me.
Her friend kept a raccoon as a pet.
Hope you enjoyed that video and you can watch another.
And you can watch this one.
You can watch this one.
Different options, different choices.
Some guy just brings you one option, not this guy.
Two options.
Watch one.
This one or this one.