Name: Nikki Glaser & Theo Von Talk About Sex
Uploaded: 2021-05-18T22:46:52.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Nikki Glaser & Theo Von Talk About Sex' from Theo Von Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2021-05-18. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Nikki Glaser & Theo Von Talk About Sex' from Theo Von Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2021-05-18. Transcript available.

My first blowjob was...
Okay, damn, well, here we go.
I know that all you do is talk about sex, but I really, I did have a good story.
You try to talk to women about work, and they just want to tell you when the
first blowjob was.
I wanted you to just say like a funny place you worked.
I didn't need to hear like the whole backstory of your...
Sorry.
No, I was intrigued, even though I literally don't remember one detail from it.
Did you work at an ice cream place?
Now that I could see you at Baskin-Robin.
No, okay, first of all, I was not a cheerleader.
Dude, I would have bought a thousand scoops.
I would have let you scoop it with your hands, okay?
Yeah, that's so nice.
I really appreciate that.
Like, I remember the first...
I was like, can I taste some of it off your back?
That's what I would have said, you know?
Sorry, that's out of line.
I'm sorry.
No, that's so nice.
I want to...
Thank you.
I like when people allude to wanting to have sex with me.
I think it's like very nice.
When it's done in a way that you're just like...
When they're just like jokingly saying it, like that means a lot hearing that
from you
because I obviously...
That's like the struggle of my life, I think, is like wanting to be fuckable
and also wanting
to be funny and fun and then people being like, God, she's trying too hard to
look fuckable.
It's just like, can I...
I didn't discover that I was fuckable until very late in life.
And I also am not married, so who gives a shit and whatever.
But what I was going to say about that is like, also, I even hate being like...
My first bullet job, because people are going to write in comments like, all
she does is
talk about sex.
She's just trying to shoehorn a sex story.
But this...
I actually think it's interesting.
Did you ever do...
Girl...
What's that thing?
Sugar girls or whatever?
What's that?
Sugar babes.
Sugar babes?
Yeah.
Theo, I don't know who you think I am.
Yeah, sorry.
I'm not a mess.
I cannot have sex with someone I like, let alone...
I'm very weird about sex.
I know.
I'm fascinated by your stuff with it as well, because I feel like...
I look at sugar babies or OnlyFans girls and thoughts and girls that are just
porn stars.
I love them all, and I don't know...
But I'm still weird about putting that kind of stuff out there.
Oh, I remember at first...
Yeah, when I even got that first blowjob, I even remembered asking my buddy to
go with me
because I was nervous, you know?
Yeah, I mean, I guess guys are nervous, too.
I mean, I would assume.
You guys are more driven, but girls are like, I've got to get this out of the
way.
I just...
I didn't give a blowjob until I was a junior in college, and all my friends, I
was like...
They were all having sex relationships.
I was just like, I haven't even had sex.
I've got to blow someone.
So I was just like...
Who was it?
It was a comedian.
That's the interesting part.
I can't say who it was, but it was...
See, I was such a prude...
Was he tall or short?
Medium.
Hmm, I better know who it is.
I'll tell you who it is off air, but I can't say it on air.
I don't want to know off air.
Really?
Yeah.
Okay, well, good.
I'll tell you whatever you want to know because I would trust you, but I
respect that you don't care.
Yeah, I don't like knowing some of that kind of stuff, you know?
I agree.
I actually...
I like more mystery.
Well...
I like to be able to imagine you blowing a couple of different people that it
could be.
I have.
I mean, my roster isn't crazy of people you know, but that's the thing.
Everyone's going to be like, she's such a whore.
I literally have not had sex in...
I don't think you're a whore.
You're also an adult.
It's not like you're a child who's sneaking into people's houses and fucking
them.
You are a regular adult and you can have sex.
I know, but if I were having a lot of sex, I would talk about it.
It seems like I do because I talk about sex a lot, but I don't...
Like, I haven't had sex in two years and like...
What?
Yeah.
Oh, we're going to get right into that.
Here's a woman right here that has a question.
She's obviously...
She's not doing well either.
What's up?
So what I've always noticed is a lot of female comics will start out like their
first like
big hit gig is like a lot of sexual based humor.
And then as the, you know, their gigs continue, it's like a play off of the
same gig.
And what pressures do you feel, I guess, is like a female comic of like, if
your humor
is not sexual based, like, do people think you're not funny anymore?
Or like, what is that trend about?
I'm curious.
Obviously, not a comic, but it's something I've noticed, you know, with female
comics and
it doesn't seem like there's a lot of them when there are always, always sexual
based.
Yeah.
So, just curious.
Does it feel like that as a female comic?
Thank you, sweet girl.
That's a great question.
Gang Gang, and I appreciate your service over there too.
I actually did a show at RAF Lake and Heath one time.
It's a great backhanded question.
So, what she was referencing is what a lot of people say is like, all they talk
about
is sex.
And it's true because, I mean, there's this documentary called Hysterical about
female
comics and it's the last thing I'm sure a lot of people want to watch and I'm
in it.
And I did not expect this to be so fucking good and moving.
Like, I learned, I watched it and cried at my own story.
Like, I don't cry.
And I was like, I saw myself as like, oh my God, you're such a scared little
girl who
doesn't understand her worth.
And then I watched all these female comics that I'm friends with in this
documentary.
It's so well done, Theo.
You will actually really like it.
And it's one of the, I love documentaries.
It's really well done.
And I would not, I'm in a lot of shitty documentaries.
And is it a real documentary that's on, we can see it somewhere now?
Well, I'm, uh, yeah, it's called Hysterical and it's, uh, FX and on Hulu.
But honestly, this is not, I, if I wasn't in it, I'd be promoting it.
If everyone had told to watch it, who you would think would be like not into
that.
They fucking, people have overheard me listening to it.
But anyway, I watched all of my friends on there being like, what drove them to
stand up?
Judy Gold, Rachel Feinstein, uh, Sherry Shepard, Margaret Cho, uh, who else?
Uh, Bonnie McFarlane, Marina Franklin, Fortune Feimster.
It's Liza, uh, Lisa Lampin.
Kathy Griffin made it in?
Kathy Griffin, yeah, yeah, she's in it.
I love her.
But we all, and then the girl that stood up to, um, Harvey Weinstein.
Harvey Weinstein was at a fucking open mic or the show this girl was doing and
she called him out.
It was so brave.
It's, it's fucking good.
But my point is, female comics talk about sex.
At least it's presented in that documentary.
Because we were, like, silenced about our bodies and, like, controlled about it
for so long that when you talk, you want to talk about, like, what you've been
told you can't talk about.
But for me, when it comes to sex, I, I've done Fallon, like, stand up on Fallon
four or five times at this point.
I can do clean material.
I don't have to talk about sex.
I don't talk about sex in any of that.
That's, and I've done, I've done tons of, like, squeaky things.
And people go, oh, she, she's filthy.
The thing is, I talk about sex because I like it.
I'm not trying to talk about sex with you today because I am, like, trying to
be, like, sexual or because I don't really, I don't think I'm funny about
anything else.
It's interesting and no one's talking about it.
People still think, oh, everything's been talked about.
It's like, no, it hasn't.
I'm still encountering things that I'm, like, I need someone to process this
with me.
And for me, that is saying it on stage and having people laugh and go, or have
girls go, oh, my God, that happens to me, too.
I needed to hear that.
And, like, empowering girls.
I just really want to do with stand up talk about sex because I want men to
know how we're feeling and I want to understand how men are feeling.
So I want to express what I think men are feeling and hear if that's right or
not.
Right.
And, like, and be, and make people feel better about it.
Because I'm just, the reason I talk about sex is because I'm so fucking scared
of sex and, like, so also want it but also don't want it.
And it's, like, the most interesting thing.
Well, yeah.
I mean, sex is an interesting thing.
It's really, like, it's, like, I mean, it's how we get here, also.
It's, like, you don't even exist if somebody doesn't have sex, you know?
So.
That's what, yeah.
The fact that it has so much magic in it, I think is pretty.
I would be a sex therapist if I wasn't a comedian.
If I didn't have, like, talent in what I could perform, I would still work in
the sex field.
Do you think that women don't get broad enough with their topics, though?
No.
I think talk about whatever the fuck you want, you know?
Like, anything I do now, that's what we were talking about, like, hobbies and
stuff and feeling you waste time.
When I do something now that feels like, if I masturbate now, let's say, or do
something that I'm, like, I'm trying to think of another, or get a massage.
Like, I'm getting a foot massage after this one, really.
I maybe should work on some stuff I have due.
Yeah.
But it's, like, those things, it's not a waste.
Like, I want it.
Or smoking weed, when I probably shouldn't.
Being, like, instead of being, like, you're smoking weed, this is so bad.
I'm just, like, listen, I have a life where I choose what I get to do.
And so if I'm doing it, I must want to do it.
It must be serving me in some way.
So just cut the guilt.
Right.
And just enjoy it.
So I have that approach now with sex stuff.
Like, I will talk about whatever fascinates me.
But sex still fascinates me until it doesn't.
When my libido drops.
When I'm doing stand-up when I'm 60, I probably won't be talking about fucking.
Right.
Well, we can always check then, you know.
Yeah, I think it's tough sometimes.
I don't like talking about it because it just seems kind of vulgar to me
sometimes.
Yeah, and that's, like...
So I like thinking about it sometimes, you know.
But I don't like really...
I guess sometimes I don't like talking about it.
But I'm also, like...
It's the vulgarity that makes you go...
But then that makes you feel shame about the sex stuff.
Right, you're right.
It breeds shame.
You're right.
Hope you enjoyed that video.
And you can watch another.
And you can watch this one.
You can watch this one.
Different options.
Different choices.
Some guy just brings you one option.
Not this guy.
Two options.
Watch one.
This one or this one.