Name: Theo Von Interviews His Nephews
Uploaded: 2021-07-01T16:52:36.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Theo Von Interviews His Nephews' from Theo Von Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2021-07-01. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Theo Von Interviews His Nephews' from Theo Von Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2021-07-01. Transcript available.

all right sitting here right here actually with my two nephews right here a
couple young buckaroos
and uh tell me about yourself let's start with you brother my name is max and i'm
eight years old
and i'm taking an eight-hour road trip from louisiana okay and what brought you
here to uh
to this area what brought you out here to the central east brother
you're looking for work or what no my parents said that um we were gonna go
because it's
a summer break and um we have nothing else to do at home okay and this fellow
over here and how do
you know him this other guy oh he's my brother okay are you guys friends also
would you say max or what
do you feel like no okay we can be friends but we can be mortal enemies as well
mostly mortal enemies
though all right and your name bud my name is zephy i am nine years old and um
you're looking for love
not not yet okay he stopped for like okay that's fine man i've been there dude
i've definitely had
times where i was looking for love and times where i wasn't did you marry morgan
wallen i wouldn't marry
i mean i don't think both of us prefer women yeah so but i kind of get that i
think if there were
if it were a different if we lived in a different universe there could be a
chance i don't know i don't
know if he how are you oh i don't know how he communicate with each other if
you lived in a
different universe i don't know it's a great question man it is a great
question if we live in a different
universe i don't know i guess we would probably i think you would probably
because have to create a
way to get there like a shuttle ship or something space travel or you could
just dream of kissing
they went it was either an infinity war or end game they went in the ship with
the guardians of the
galaxy move this closer to you and they broke through and they broke through
the space and it
created like a yeah you'd have to break through space yeah i'm look i'm not
doing that yeah i got
enough going on here i mean there's like space could do that because he's like
albert einstein i'm not
doing it i'm saying i just bought a bunch of flowers i'm not doing i'm doing
stuff at the house
you bought a bunch of flowers why does it say that tree is 120 dollars because
it was 120
tree what kind of flowers you got like three of them sean likes to spend that
money what kind of
flowers i'm not sure so let me ask you a question guys are you guys single men
or what's and let's
go one at a time here let's start with you zephy are you single these days or
what's what's uh love
looking like in your life have you started thinking about girls or that kind of
or what what happens at
nine years old i like thinking about food okay yeah me too but like
i'm not i'm not that much of a of a person that will start a conversation
i can sit and wait because i don't want to be mean to like and if somebody
starts talking to me
i just carry on and keep talking but like i usually don't like to engage in
conversations
okay so you're more like the you'll you'll continue a conversation but you won't
start a conversation
yeah it's like if you're in a video game you land somewhere that is not contested
but you're not
afraid to fight right like that okay okay i got it and max what about you are
you the kind of guy will
start a conversation do you even know how to communicate what is going on with
you i really
don't know how to talk to girls at all okay um and i like this one girl in my
class but i get bullied
you get bullied by her no i get bullied by everyone because i like girl because
i like a girl dang yeah
did you let her know or not it's at school but like i think i think i think i'm
done he he
i think it's what's everywhere what's every like elementary school crush you
die you wait till they
they find out that they like you that you like them okay so how do you let
someone know say if
there is a crush right which is totally normal with boys you just you you
either ask your friend to do
it or you write a note put it in your desk and then leave school yeah yeah that's
my old move dude
okay so i have this really funny story or leave town that's what i would do
leave town i have this
really funny story that started at like the beginning of the school year and we're
still we were still
laughing at it until the end okay and these what story this kid my my best
friend who was my best
friend his name is um randall no ocean okay and he liked this girl named clarice
stop and they liked
each other and then we were like
and then um so we're still laughing at it for like the entire school year and
are they still together
i don't think they didn't find each other but they're probably what do you mean
find each other
i mean they have they they are they real people guys um to be real i have no
idea okay it's probably
like a virtual assistant that he uses of course that's what i was gonna guess
now let's talk about some of you guys's plans for the future i know you guys
right now are
you're nine years old you said zephy and max i can start you're six years old
yeah yeah yeah yeah
so okay i can start yeah i just want to know some of your plans for the future
i want and be honest with me please uh i want to be a foot doctor oh really podiatrist
they call it
foot man they call it on the street wait a minute what if the patient has foot
fungus will you eat it
look question will you eat the foot fungus or will you throw it away do you
know foot fungus
tastes like goat milk really i drink blue cheese tastes like goat milk i know a
friend that's
addicted to blue cheese and in my in my um in my cereal to inoculations in my
cereal um yeah this is
not true most of my friends this isn't true and my cereal instead of using milk
i use goat milk with
fungus in it i'm addicted to caramel really yeah i i take bottles he's addicted
to nutella
out of it okay so you want to be a foot doctor and zephy what do you when you
think about your
future and where you are now do you have any big plans do you have any like
what do you like what
do you kind of see yourself in the future a few years down the road from now do
you see yourself
kind of still living in the same house do you see yourself having a job if it's
a few years down
i probably you're gonna stay living with your parents or are you gonna no i
want i'm gonna
move out when i have the money and stuff okay and i want to move in to an
apartment
and get a job and a couple animals or something or what uh i want to get a
is it legal to have a bobcat as a pet i bet it is oh um i want to get a bobcat
or like
i really want a a cockatoo or a parakeet because you can talk to them funny
story actually my aunt
and my mother funny story actually had a parrot a red parrot and he would and
he would say they
would always say like shut up ricky and then and so and so um the parrot would
always say
shut up ricky really and he would say and the parrot would say butthead oh so
the parrot is really
he can he kind of has a mind of his own huh was yeah but it's like an influence
from his
owners he's an influencer yeah i think so the parrot is the parrot not on tiktok
but no no
the parrot went viral like a few years later oh dad he is friends he went viral
on and he's friends
with um bryce hall he actually cut bryce hall's hair who did the parrot oh
really yeah good i could
imagine that now let me ask you guys my dad is lebron james no he's not max how
do you know that
let's talk about this let's talk about some some things you guys are not good
at i want you to
each share something everything in my life what are you good at like eating and
sleeping okay and
what are you not good at everything do you think you guys as parents will stay
together for a long
time have you guys talked about that or what does their relationship seem like
uh yeah we joke around
sometimes say that they're cheating on each other that's not right max that's
very
very you style but like at the same that's like a bad influence for your
children i'm i don't have
children but you're like your children in the future how my child is um
actually what are you gonna name
your children i'm gonna name them uh
goober i'm gonna name them goofy and goober oh wow are they gonna be twins or
female or male they're
gonna be attack helicopters oh wow beautiful i could see that actually seems
very on brand with where
we're headed as a society yes what do you think zephy now when you start to
look at um the world today
do you think the world's headed in a good direction what are some of your
thoughts um we need to stop
the old guys that wear rush that wear shirts with russian flags on them because
i think they're american
communists it's been said it's been rumored and i think stop pollution yeah
sure but yeah sure yeah
sure global warming global warming and like like wild i'm just being serious
and we're probably just
being like crazy but look i'm trying global warming is nice when you're at the
beach when it's nice and
hot let's be honest but but in and in our in our reality global warming isn't
good right i agree with
you except when you're at the beach except that but like so here's the question
is do you think enough
people are willing to give up going to the beach and having a nice time no in
order for the world
not to global warm no right yeah but like but most of the people that go to the
beach are like adults
and kids and most of the kids oh what else would go a parent no an attack
helicopter bro we we brought
our dogs driving that who's driving the helicopter the attack helicopter the
whole point of it being in an
attack helicopter is because it drives itself and crashes into everything and
blows stuff up but
it's a more it's an immortal helicopter you guys are legends now i want to ask
you you're a legend
thank you and i want to ask you guys too you guys are you know what age you
feel like you might want
to settle down kind of i know you guys settle down you mean like let myself go
yeah oh what does that
mean getting older i know right now you guys try to take care of your diet take
care of your body 37
we don't have a diet so 37 you're thinking of starting to just let it go huh
yeah just like james
harden 21 yeah he went to the party and then he came back fat i think he ate a
lot of donuts
might have do you guys have any suggestions for me yes okay you should tear
those curtain downs
break the window replace the windows with wall with walls and paint all the simpson
simpson's
characters on the wall because you had that in your studio in la remember oh
yeah yeah wouldn't it be
a bad idea we've thought about doing something different we're working with
this church curtain
vibe right i need something i have no idea what it is so you said you saw the
first season of stranger
things right yeah what's your favorite part my favorite part was i didn't want
uh i like that little kid
with the um glasses on excuse me i like the little kid with the glasses on who
the glasses
what what hello
i don't i don't remember are you okay what did it look like
did it have curly hair i don't remember oh um uh did anyone even wear glasses
in the first season
what are you guys okay wait what are you what are you is it was it barb who's
barb yeah let's go to
the barb yeah it wasn't barb dude what are the demagogans doing on a friday
night
they go to the barb wouldn't we like to know because they took her in the show
my favorite part everybody knows that if anybody if anybody is watching this
that hasn't seen stranger
things there's spoilers my favorite part is when is that when good point they're
they're
because they're like why is it on your face oh yeah what that when they're um
like take like when
they're on the bike chase with the big vans and then l flips over the van with
their mind okay
okay okay okay okay okay do you need a nap sir how do you guys okay
we have a we have a we i owe you here do this max are you thinking about
getting plastic surgery in the
few years and like i want to get plastic surgery to look like my dog you should
get a nose job
yeah get a nose job i want to shave your eyebrows and put eyebrow makeup on i
want to get my eyes sewn
closed and write party time on each one i want to get my lip or my arm tattooed
saying i'm a goofy goober
have you not seen spongebob no yeah you guys what did you do as a kid if you
didn't watch spongebob i
didn't watch one we rode our bike cool we made ramps cool we hurt ourselves
cool and the one you just
said was the fun part people would vomit sometimes cool oh pretty lit we used
to eat ants i got really
sick like a week ago and i threw up 12 times and i stayed in a chair have you
ever had a feeling of
being like weighed down with like poop poop do you even believe yourselves i
mean to be real what does that
mean do you even believe in me look guys i there's this guy that was born with
the voice of the voice of
morgan freeman he's reincarnated as a lawnmower and the only thing he can't do
is open foil paper
nice nice do you want to hear my morgan freeman impersonation yes
what's wrong with you i didn't start it yet here's my morgan freeman impersonation
all right
okay they said it would take a man 600 years to get out of this here prison but
andy dufrayne did it in
less than 20. why are you like why did i even get get us on that topic what's
something you just want to
tell the people out there you know let's give you guys about 30 seconds to just
tell people
what you want to say and then we can um i want to say that uh i am glad to that
i'm on this podcast
because i never thought i would be on a podcast and that's all okay okay um
what i want to say is
i feel very glad to be on this podcast and um just thanks to my parents for
taking me out here and stuff
and um i actually want to promote ceo's merch by doing like a little sequence
okay okay so i have
his hoodie on yeah whatever website he has go buy it please okay all right man
well bye you know i love
you guys and i'm glad you guys were able to be here today and um we just say at
the end of the episode
we say we'll probably go out with a little bit of eddie nine volt again uh to
come up excuse me
and it's the same song that we came in with what's that supposed to mean and i
want to thank everybody
for being a part of the show you can get tickets at theovon.com/tour t-o-u-r
you are what don't buy
through any other site because uh it's a scam it's a scam website that's how i
watch my carly
there you go a lot of scams out there do governments create clouds for you to
stop seeing the end of the
earth now that's a question for this guy eddie bravo a friend of mine who's not
here today but i'm
going to ask him you guys be good to yourselves man gang gang gang gang hope
you enjoyed that video
and you can watch another and you can watch this one you can watch this one
different options different
choices some guy just brings you one option not this guy two options watch one
this one or this one

Theo Von Interviews His Nephews

all right sitting here right here actually with my two nephews right here a
couple young buckaroos
and uh tell me about yourself let's start with you brother my name is max and i'm
eight years old
and i'm taking an eight-hour road trip from louisiana okay and what brought you
here to uh
to this area what brought you out here to the central east brother
you're looking for work or what no my parents said that um we were gonna go
because it's
a summer break and um we have nothing else to do at home okay and this fellow
over here and how do
you know him this other guy oh he's my brother okay are you guys friends also
would you say max or what
do you feel like no okay we can be friends but we can be mortal enemies as well
mostly mortal enemies
though all right and your name bud my name is zephy i am nine years old and um
you're looking for love
not not yet okay he stopped for like okay that's fine man i've been there dude
i've definitely had
times where i was looking for love and times where i wasn't did you marry morgan
wallen i wouldn't marry
i mean i don't think both of us prefer women yeah so but i kind of get that i
think if there were
if it were a different if we lived in a different universe there could be a
chance i don't know i don't
know if he how are you oh i don't know how he communicate with each other if
you lived in a
different universe i don't know it's a great question man it is a great
question if we live in a different
universe i don't know i guess we would probably i think you would probably
because have to create a
way to get there like a shuttle ship or something space travel or you could
just dream of kissing
they went it was either an infinity war or end game they went in the ship with
the guardians of the
galaxy move this closer to you and they broke through and they broke through
the space and it
created like a yeah you'd have to break through space yeah i'm look i'm not
doing that yeah i got
enough going on here i mean there's like space could do that because he's like
albert einstein i'm not
doing it i'm saying i just bought a bunch of flowers i'm not doing i'm doing
stuff at the house
you bought a bunch of flowers why does it say that tree is 120 dollars because
it was 120
tree what kind of flowers you got like three of them sean likes to spend that
money what kind of
flowers i'm not sure so let me ask you a question guys are you guys single men
or what's and let's
go one at a time here let's start with you zephy are you single these days or
what's what's uh love
looking like in your life have you started thinking about girls or that kind of
or what what happens at
nine years old i like thinking about food okay yeah me too but like
i'm not i'm not that much of a of a person that will start a conversation
i can sit and wait because i don't want to be mean to like and if somebody
starts talking to me
i just carry on and keep talking but like i usually don't like to engage in
conversations
okay so you're more like the you'll you'll continue a conversation but you won't
start a conversation
yeah it's like if you're in a video game you land somewhere that is not contested
but you're not
afraid to fight right like that okay okay i got it and max what about you are
you the kind of guy will
start a conversation do you even know how to communicate what is going on with
you i really
don't know how to talk to girls at all okay um and i like this one girl in my
class but i get bullied
you get bullied by her no i get bullied by everyone because i like girl because
i like a girl dang yeah
did you let her know or not it's at school but like i think i think i think i'm
done he he
i think it's what's everywhere what's every like elementary school crush you
die you wait till they
they find out that they like you that you like them okay so how do you let
someone know say if
there is a crush right which is totally normal with boys you just you you
either ask your friend to do
it or you write a note put it in your desk and then leave school yeah yeah that's
my old move dude
okay so i have this really funny story or leave town that's what i would do
leave town i have this
really funny story that started at like the beginning of the school year and we're
still we were still
laughing at it until the end okay and these what story this kid my my best
friend who was my best
friend his name is um randall no ocean okay and he liked this girl named clarice
stop and they liked
each other and then we were like
and then um so we're still laughing at it for like the entire school year and
are they still together
i don't think they didn't find each other but they're probably what do you mean
find each other
i mean they have they they are they real people guys um to be real i have no
idea okay it's probably
like a virtual assistant that he uses of course that's what i was gonna guess
now let's talk about some of you guys's plans for the future i know you guys
right now are
you're nine years old you said zephy and max i can start you're six years old
yeah yeah yeah yeah
so okay i can start yeah i just want to know some of your plans for the future
i want and be honest with me please uh i want to be a foot doctor oh really podiatrist
they call it
foot man they call it on the street wait a minute what if the patient has foot
fungus will you eat it
look question will you eat the foot fungus or will you throw it away do you
know foot fungus
tastes like goat milk really i drink blue cheese tastes like goat milk i know a
friend that's
addicted to blue cheese and in my in my um in my cereal to inoculations in my
cereal um yeah this is
not true most of my friends this isn't true and my cereal instead of using milk
i use goat milk with
fungus in it i'm addicted to caramel really yeah i i take bottles he's addicted
to nutella
out of it okay so you want to be a foot doctor and zephy what do you when you
think about your
future and where you are now do you have any big plans do you have any like
what do you like what
do you kind of see yourself in the future a few years down the road from now do
you see yourself
kind of still living in the same house do you see yourself having a job if it's
a few years down
i probably you're gonna stay living with your parents or are you gonna no i
want i'm gonna
move out when i have the money and stuff okay and i want to move in to an
apartment
and get a job and a couple animals or something or what uh i want to get a
is it legal to have a bobcat as a pet i bet it is oh um i want to get a bobcat
or like
i really want a a cockatoo or a parakeet because you can talk to them funny
story actually my aunt
and my mother funny story actually had a parrot a red parrot and he would and
he would say they
would always say like shut up ricky and then and so and so um the parrot would
always say
shut up ricky really and he would say and the parrot would say butthead oh so
the parrot is really
he can he kind of has a mind of his own huh was yeah but it's like an influence
from his
owners he's an influencer yeah i think so the parrot is the parrot not on tiktok
but no no
the parrot went viral like a few years later oh dad he is friends he went viral
on and he's friends
with um bryce hall he actually cut bryce hall's hair who did the parrot oh
really yeah good i could
imagine that now let me ask you guys my dad is lebron james no he's not max how
do you know that
let's talk about this let's talk about some some things you guys are not good
at i want you to
each share something everything in my life what are you good at like eating and
sleeping okay and
what are you not good at everything do you think you guys as parents will stay
together for a long
time have you guys talked about that or what does their relationship seem like
uh yeah we joke around
sometimes say that they're cheating on each other that's not right max that's
very
very you style but like at the same that's like a bad influence for your
children i'm i don't have
children but you're like your children in the future how my child is um
actually what are you gonna name
your children i'm gonna name them uh
goober i'm gonna name them goofy and goober oh wow are they gonna be twins or
female or male they're
gonna be attack helicopters oh wow beautiful i could see that actually seems
very on brand with where
we're headed as a society yes what do you think zephy now when you start to
look at um the world today
do you think the world's headed in a good direction what are some of your
thoughts um we need to stop
the old guys that wear rush that wear shirts with russian flags on them because
i think they're american
communists it's been said it's been rumored and i think stop pollution yeah
sure but yeah sure yeah
sure global warming global warming and like like wild i'm just being serious
and we're probably just
being like crazy but look i'm trying global warming is nice when you're at the
beach when it's nice and
hot let's be honest but but in and in our in our reality global warming isn't
good right i agree with
you except when you're at the beach except that but like so here's the question
is do you think enough
people are willing to give up going to the beach and having a nice time no in
order for the world
not to global warm no right yeah but like but most of the people that go to the
beach are like adults
and kids and most of the kids oh what else would go a parent no an attack
helicopter bro we we brought
our dogs driving that who's driving the helicopter the attack helicopter the
whole point of it being in an
attack helicopter is because it drives itself and crashes into everything and
blows stuff up but
it's a more it's an immortal helicopter you guys are legends now i want to ask
you you're a legend
thank you and i want to ask you guys too you guys are you know what age you
feel like you might want
to settle down kind of i know you guys settle down you mean like let myself go
yeah oh what does that
mean getting older i know right now you guys try to take care of your diet take
care of your body 37
we don't have a diet so 37 you're thinking of starting to just let it go huh
yeah just like james
harden 21 yeah he went to the party and then he came back fat i think he ate a
lot of donuts
might have do you guys have any suggestions for me yes okay you should tear
those curtain downs
break the window replace the windows with wall with walls and paint all the simpson
simpson's
characters on the wall because you had that in your studio in la remember oh
yeah yeah wouldn't it be
a bad idea we've thought about doing something different we're working with
this church curtain
vibe right i need something i have no idea what it is so you said you saw the
first season of stranger
things right yeah what's your favorite part my favorite part was i didn't want
uh i like that little kid
with the um glasses on excuse me i like the little kid with the glasses on who
the glasses
what what hello
i don't i don't remember are you okay what did it look like
did it have curly hair i don't remember oh um uh did anyone even wear glasses
in the first season
what are you guys okay wait what are you what are you is it was it barb who's
barb yeah let's go to
the barb yeah it wasn't barb dude what are the demagogans doing on a friday
night
they go to the barb wouldn't we like to know because they took her in the show
my favorite part everybody knows that if anybody if anybody is watching this
that hasn't seen stranger
things there's spoilers my favorite part is when is that when good point they're
they're
because they're like why is it on your face oh yeah what that when they're um
like take like when
they're on the bike chase with the big vans and then l flips over the van with
their mind okay
okay okay okay okay okay do you need a nap sir how do you guys okay
we have a we have a we i owe you here do this max are you thinking about
getting plastic surgery in the
few years and like i want to get plastic surgery to look like my dog you should
g