Name: Pizza Hut is a Crust of it's Former Self
Uploaded: 2021-07-05T02:25:12.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Pizza Hut is a Crust of it's Former Self' from Theo Von Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2021-07-05. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Pizza Hut is a Crust of it's Former Self' from Theo Von Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2021-07-05. Transcript available.

i've been having a tough time with um the sonic commercials is that the only
place that we are
eating now is that it every commercial i see is just sonic it's like hey is
that the best we can
do as a family now is to sit together in a car somewhere there's some kid he's
like he's an 11
genders he's got that coin thing on his belt or her belt or on his neck he's on
suicide watch he's on a
uh a ransom list he's an orphan he's a he's a burn victim it's you have it's
always somebody that
works there they have every impediment you could have you know the guy been hit
by a car he's been
hit by a truck you know it's like uh it's definitely somebody that god is
looking for
okay that's who is the employee and they used to roller skate out to you you
know kind of cute
a little scary when the girl coming out and roller skates is pregnant that's
the spooky one you're like
okay we just wanted a couple blizzards we don't want no zygote but i hope henrietta
don't trip on
one of these cracks in the pavement you know we'll just you know god forbid you
know she lose her child
because we wanted a damn mcflazzle and then the family your family's sitting in
there dad's in the
i mean i just wonder what is this like for kids now
at least when i was a kid we went to the pizza hut we went in there my dad got
a beer or pulled
one out of his pocket that he brought in there and asked for a cold glass
my mom sat kind of near my dad i don't think she cared about him but i do think
she wanted
pizza i really do and we would sit in there they would give us some quarters my
dad always had
quarters you know it was oh he was older they had quarters they used to have
quarters
and he would get a couple out give them to us we go play the video games we
lose sometimes we fuck up
we put yeah it takes three quarters you put in one you're fucked you think you
know you didn't read
the direction you're just hitting the button nothing happens you tell the guy
there he doesn't know he
makes pizza you tell the delivery guys going you're like the quarter he's like
i'm you know i'm high i
just got robbed you're like well we're getting robbed everybody's getting
robbed
and then we played a game then when we'd have any more we would look under the
machines would
my one of us would we would use all of our little baby strength to lift the
machine up somebody reach
under there pull out half a hamster full of hamster pull out half a hamster of
hair
you know and maybe maybe a quarter maybe a quarter comes out with it then we
get the pizza the deep dish
pizza hut used to have the best pizza pizza hut is a crust of its former self
now they're shooting the
fucking crust crust crust up with cheese it's like uh you know it's like that
bob baffert scandal
you know you don't know what they're injecting into this shit to get you to
believe in it
i remember when the crust stood on its own
you know when is a real italian gonna make a pizza place that has some freaking
zagoon huh
when you're gonna put some real gonads on the fucking pie so we can enjoy it
again
this shit out here domino it's just a flavor it's not even a thing it's not
even
it's barely pizza
and sonic you're sitting dad's in the front it's like the best we can do as a
family is dry sit in
the car
you got the kid in the back he has probably asthma and autism and asthmatism he
fucking can't breathe
or know what's going on if there's loud noises it just you know dad's up there
spilling chili on
himself moms over there huffing birth control
you know it just i just don't know it used to be at least on the commercials
they were around a dinner table
now it's like hey drive over here
you know park here by the freaking busy road
smell the exhaust while little lawrence in the back seat chokes on his damn
grilled cheese
i don't know maybe i'm salty about it i don't know why i'm salty about it i
like it
i like it it takes forever though at least there used to be the roller skating
girl
you know you see a couple young tits come out on some wheels
you know make you touch your fucking crotch for a second
but now you know who knows what it is now it's just damn you know it's some kid
he comes to the
way he tells you he's an orphan he's like you know i'm an orphan i'm like do
you have the burgers
okay we're not here for anything
but the burgers do you have the burgers
do you have the burgers hey do you have the burgers
he's like i used to be in a wheelchair you're like do you have the burgers
i can't live downstairs anymore baby because you know where i am amen baby
praise god rat king
hope you enjoyed that video and you can watch another and you can watch this
one you can watch
this one different options different choices some guy just brings you one
option not this guy two
options watch one this one or this one