Name: Halloween Costumes Were Different When I Was Young
Uploaded: 2021-10-30T05:54:33.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Halloween Costumes Were Different When I Was Young' from Theo Von Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2021-10-30. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Halloween Costumes Were Different When I Was Young' from Theo Von Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2021-10-30. Transcript available.

When I was young, they didn't have as many costumes. A ghost was a popular deal.
Especially in our neighborhood, you had to get a spare sheet.
You know what I'm saying? I remember asking for a sheet for my birthday, just
to save that bastard so I could ghost out.
And some people, you know, a lot of kids, you know, if you had a sheet, a lot
of times you didn't really...
You know, some people called it more of a bastard drapery, because you didn't
usually have a daddy or something if you was just out there in a sheet.
I remember one kid would put a sheet on and put like a little rope around his
neck, kind of, and he fucking forgot to cut the eye holes into it.
Hell yeah, dude. Ran outside and got attacked by a bunch of fucking stray dogs.
So you got to... I mean, Halloween, you got to think, you know, you have to...
I mean, cut some face holes and stuff.
But I remember getting in the mask. Remember you would put the tight mask on?
It'd be so hard to breathe. You'd be like trapped in there.
And that tight ass thing pressing into the back of your head, that little...
And if you have one of them cheap ones, bro,
especially from the...
You got something from like the pharmacy or whatever.
Your dad got you that little outfit.
I remember my dad one time got a...
Me and my brother, he accidentally got us both...
Raggedy Ann instead of Andy.
And so we were both out there like just a couple of straight up sugar bitches,
man.
Looking for candy going door to door.
Hey, little lady, people saying.
I'd be like...
I'm a guy, I'm a guy.
I'm Andy, but I'm just...
I got the wrong, you know, suit on.
I got my sister's dress on.
That was the shittiest, man.
Being locked in that damn little fucking face fucking prison.
Dude, that little plastic mask, that bitch cuts into your head.
You try to stick your tongue out the little breathing hole in there.
People dying.
Dude, they...
Yeah, you put that thing...
That mask on.
You can even breathe sometimes.
Some people die.
Some guy, you know, he put it on.
He died.
Like, damn, bro.
Where's Leonard, you know?
And he's at the funeral.
And they got on the death certificate.
Raggedy Andy on there.
Frankenstein.
They don't even fucking look for his real identity.
Dude, when I was young, a ghost was like one of the top costumes.
Some dude would be a ghost.
I remember one guy, this guy Little Carlton.
And he didn't have...
I don't know.
He didn't...
He couldn't walk that good.
Or he didn't want to.
Honestly, bro, he was lazy.
So he didn't...
You know, we'd all be walking somewhere.
And he would kind of just kind of give up.
And just stand, you know.
He'd prefer to stand or lay down.
Or sometime my friend Shep, this big guy, he would carry him.
And when I was young, they had rare, you know, limited costumes.
Very limited.
And Carlton, one time, I remember this dude was a transmission.
That's what he was.
And he put some type of metal or something on him and poured motor oil all over
himself.
And we were like, dude, what the fuck, man?
But he was a beautiful, beautiful kid.
Had real beautiful cheeks on him.
You know, sometimes on a child, it's almost like the Lord just fucking Botoxed
him.
With, you know, just put like a, just some warming, just a little bit of lava
or something in their cheeks.
And Carlton had that.
He had beautiful ass cheeks, too.
And I wish he wouldn't have been so lazy because more people would have seen
his cheeks.
But when you're that lazy, you don't run across as many people as you should.
Because you're not out making the rounds of the world.
Hope you enjoyed that video.
And you can watch another.
And you can watch this one.
You can watch this one.
Different options, different choices.
Some guy just brings you one option.
Not this guy.
Two options.
Watch one.
This one or this one.