Name: Joe Rogan and Theo Remember Young Sensuality
Uploaded: 2021-11-19T21:19:40.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Joe Rogan and Theo Remember Young Sensuality' from Theo Von Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2021-11-19. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Joe Rogan and Theo Remember Young Sensuality' from Theo Von Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2021-11-19. Transcript available.

Do you remember the first time you could ever ejaculate, or no?
I don't think I remember the first time I ever ejaculated.
What?
I'm trying to remember.
How could you not, bro?
Well, I had sex before I ever masturbated.
Oh.
Yeah.
I started masturbating after I had sex.
No way, man.
I don't know if that happens to a lot of people.
That doesn't.
It's pretty rare.
Oh my god, dude.
And then after I had a girlfriend and started fooling around, then I realized
how dependent
on her I was for that feeling, for sex.
Because when you're 15, 16 years old, you are so horny all the time.
It's like you're aching.
It's horrific.
Do you remember those days?
Yeah, dude.
You get those steel boners that just controlled your life like a compass due
north.
I remember opening my pants to pee, and I would hear.
Bro, peeing out of a boner, just peeing sideways in a freaking thing just to
pee well.
You would have to put your hand on the wall and bend towards it like you're
fucking, and
then try to hold yourself up with one hand and push your boner down with your
other hand.
Yeah.
Yeah, like push it down.
Like you're trying to force a drunk out of a bar.
Dude, I remember when I could first ejaculate, I remember they had this lady.
I'd go outside in the morning, so I'm going to jerk off outside, and they had
this lady that
would walk these two dogs, right?
Because I remember seeing on Nature Channel where if like there's urine or
animal semen,
like some animals won't, it's like territory.
Right.
So I remember she'd walk these two dogs, and I would do it in like different
spots to see
if the animal, like what they would do, like a reaction.
And the little one would go over there, and the big one would never even.
Really?
Yeah, it was like the little one I guess almost felt like--
He was a cuck.
Yeah, yeah.
Maybe the little one's over there.
Little cuck.
You want to go over there and sniff your loads.
But the big one didn't want that smoke, baby.
You didn't want none of it, dude.
But I remember that, dude.
Yeah, it was so exciting.
I remember, here's one thing I do really, really recollect emotionally was that
I had this
thing that made me feel good, I could feel good whenever I wanted to.
And that was a huge thing for me.
Yeah.
Like if I was having a horrible day or I was thinking, you know, I was not
feeling good about
myself, which was a lot as a kid, I could come home and I could--
Bust one.
And make my-- it was suddenly I had control over how I felt.
Right.
And it was the only way to do it, and it was this, which is probably not a
great way
to establish feeling decent, you know?
But suddenly I had that little decent stick on me.
You know what I used it for?
A sleeping pill.
It was great.
If I couldn't sleep, whack one off, I'd--
I could see that for you.
Out cold.
I could see that for you.
I'm like, here we go.
Yeah.
Like if I need to take a nap and I know I only have like an hour, I'm like,
well, 15 minutes
would it be me beating off.
And then I'll definitely get that 45 in.
Otherwise, I'm laying there for a fucking 35 minutes going, if I go to sleep
now, I get
15 minutes.
Shit, if I go to sleep now, I can sleep for 10 minutes.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I bust a nut, then I'm going to sleep right away.
There's no if, ands, or buts.
I'm snoring.
I'm sucking on my own tongue at that point, dude.
I'm out.
Yeah.
Yeah, I remember, it was fun, dude.
It was fun being just those, just the busts were just like, oh, beautiful.
I remember when I was 16 years old, it was like one of the first times a girl
had ever
given me a blowjob.
This girl was dating, gave me a blowjob.
And I came--
Inside?
Outside on a porch.
Yeah.
At nighttime.
This girl was dating, and I came so hard, my ears rang.
The only time in my life, it was like, and I was lightheaded.
I was like, Jesus.
Because those were like 16-year-old cum shots?
That's a different thing.
When you've been just storing it up for a few weeks.
It was like watching the, like those guys who go off that thing on the Olympics.
It was like that, dude.
Just .
The skiers?
Yeah.
Oh, man.
That was fun, dude.
You know what's really crazy?
Is that you think about the difference between being 11, 12, and then 13, 14,
15, 16.
In just five years, your desire, like what you want to do with the world,
changes 100%.
All of a sudden you got all these crazy hormones in your system, you're
confused, you're hard all the time.
Like you get boners in class all the time, I'd have to pull out my shirt.
Oh.
Like if you sat down too long, you would get a boner.
You'd have to walk up to the board backwards and shit.
Oh my God.
Like just weird shit.
Or you would tuck it into like the top.
Yeah.
It's almost like you'd be poking out of the top of your underwear.
Wear a big shirt.
Wear a Lamaze shirt from your step-mom.
Like if you have a hard on and it's like this, you got a problem.
But if you take it and you put it like that and put that.
You lock it in.
Lock it in with the rubber from the underwear band.
And it's like he's poking out of the top.
And you put the clothes over it.
And you're like, nothing to see here.
Put it in that hard scarf, baby.
You know what I'm saying?
That's your next invention.
Joe Rogan's teenage boner lock underwear.
Do you know Elvis had a boner in a movie?
There was a movie.
I believe it.
Something.
Some movie with women.
I forget what it's called.
Women are in the title.
But there's a scene where Elvis is with this girl.
And she's pretty fucking hot.
And Elvis is like dancing with her.
And he's got a full rod.
Like it's poking out of his pants.
And they left it in there.
Damn.
They didn't even cut around it.
Sometimes when I get real excited, even still I'll grab my penis and squeeze it.
Do you ever do that?
When it's hard or soft?
When it's soft.
You just grab it?
Yeah, like it makes me feel.
Wake up, bitch.
No, it's just like.
What are you saying?
Let me think.
I don't like to squeeze it when it's soft.
It hurts.
Yeah, it makes me feel kind of fired up.
There it is.
So Elvis in this scene.
Yeah.
The walls have ears.
Look at that.
Got a full.
Damn.
Back that up a little bit.
Daddy running that rod out there, huh?
Watch this as he moves.
Watch this.
Right there.
Bro.
He's got a boner.
That's that 11 pound test he's got going on.
Look at her.
Look how she backs her vagina back.
Yes.
She realizes something's going on there.
Immediately.
Bro, women were different back then.
Hope you enjoyed that video.
And you can watch another.
And you can watch this one.
You can watch this one.
Different options.
Different choices.
Some guy just brings you one option.
Not this guy.
Two options.
Watch one.
This one or this one.
This one or this one.