Name: Riley Mao: Still Unjackable
Uploaded: 2021-12-01T05:42:08.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Riley Mao: Still Unjackable' from Theo Von Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2021-12-01. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Riley Mao: Still Unjackable' from Theo Von Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2021-12-01. Transcript available.

How's it going? Raleigh Mao is here. The Unbustable.
Doing good.
Yeah?
Yeah.
Yeah? How's it going with the, you know, the sexuality and the ejaculate and
everything?
Still the same.
Oh, my man! That's what I'm talking about, son!
I've had people get you to damn come cough on their plants in the spring just
to keep the, uh, just to, I mean, you could be Mother Nature's little hit man.
You could be out there just blooming things anywhere.
I bet you walk across a yard in a, you know, and there's gladioles under your
feet.
The Unbustable.
Dude, I, I, dude, I'll trade you for probably nine cartons of cigarettes in a,
uh, in San Quentin right now, I bet.
You know?
Yeah.
I bet Elton, Elton John, we could sell you for half a million, Elton John.
You'd be a little Christmas ham for him on his dinner table over there.
But how's it been, man? You been doing well?
Yeah.
Yeah?
What's new in your world?
Uh, nothing much. Trying to find a girlfriend.
Oh, really?
Yeah.
And so with being, uh, in the podcasting universe, some, are you getting a lot
of DMs from ladies? What's going on?
Mostly from guys.
Really?
Yeah.
Oh, wow.
Oh, wow.
Oh, just friendly men?
Yeah.
Oh, that's good.
Yeah.
And what, but no, but not a lot of women, huh?
No.
Only very few.
Oh, I feel you there, dude.
Damn.
Oh, I feel you there.
It's, uh, it's tough.
I mean, it's, you know, one will come along, I think.
But, um, do you, so do you ever get that nocturnal kind of bust?
Do you ever wake up in the morning, you just check your pants and just look for
a prize or anything?
I mean, is there, are you just still wound up, huh?
Yeah.
Man.
God, I almost want to, man, you got to live stream it, man.
You got to live stream when you live stream, you know what I'm saying, baby?
You got to really show that off.
Uh, what else?
You got holiday plans?
Uh, yeah, I'm going back to California.
Oh, cool, man.
You guys having a little get-together or what?
Yeah, yeah, just family dinner.
Oh, sweet.
You guys celebrate Thanksgiving?
We do.
Oh, that's good, man.
Welcome, brother.
I'm glad you're doing well.
You look healthy.
Thank you.
Temperature good and everything?
Yeah.
Oh, that's good, man.
That's good.
So you get pubic hair, Riley, man.
You get, how's your body doing overall?
It's doing good.
Okay.
And do you get, does it get out of control or it's manageable for you?
It's in a manageable state?
Uh, it's pretty manageable.
Okay, that's beautiful, dude.
Could definitely sell you on the market, baby.
I get a VPN to hide this browser, boy.
I get half a million for you somewhere.
You know what I'm saying?
Probably sell you back to your own, I'll sell you back to your own people, to
be honest with you.
Praise God, brother.
Good to see you today, man.
Thank you.
Good to see you, man.
Uh, and God loves us, right?
Yeah.
That's awesome.
Always the best answer.
Um, what are you thankful for, Riley?
Uh, I can tell you I'm not thankful for not having a girlfriend.
Oh, really?
Yeah.
You really want one, huh?
Yeah.
At some point.
Yeah.
Yeah.
And how, is it, um, and have you had a lot of dates or anything?
Have you been doing dating?
I just had a coffee date with someone.
Oh, okay.
Okay.
Didn't, didn't end well.
It didn't end well?
Well, how did it start?
Did you, what'd you wear?
Um, nice shirt, slacks.
Mmm.
Cologne.
Ooh, yeah.
You went there with that scent, huh?
I did.
Dude, I'm sure you got the pheromones coming out of your body, son.
You know?
I bet you smelled like damn Pure E-Jack, baby.
Uh, you know what I'm saying?
I bet a damn, dude.
I bet a fucking, uh, a strong dog would lick the skin right off your bones,
baby.
You know what I'm saying, dog?
Damn.
Oh, God.
I mean, you could cry into a, uh, you could cry into a woman and, and, and, and
she'd have
twins, man.
I think, um, and, and, and where'd y'all go?
You guys went to coffee?
Yep.
Okay.
And did you, uh, did you meet her out front?
Did you meet her inside?
Um, I met her out front.
Oh, okay.
Uh, and did you guys get there at the same time or?
I was there first.
You were there first waiting out front?
Yep.
Yeah.
Yeah, I think sometimes that can be kind of, that's a Christian move, dog.
Honestly, that's a hell of a Christian move.
I respect it.
It's a fucking old school, it's an old school move.
Um, and so then you guys went inside and what happened?
Uh, we talked.
It was great.
Um, I shouldn't say it didn't end well.
It, it ended well.
Um, she just never texted me back.
And you met her on the apps?
I did.
Okay.
And were you, uh, man, I'm bummed out.
What do you think?
Do you think it, do you really feel, here's a, here's a question.
Do you really feel there was a connection or are you not sure?
I wasn't sure.
Okay.
Cause sometimes I'll put connection where there isn't really a connection.
I'll want there to be one sometimes cause I'm lonesome.
And so I'll be like, let's see.
And, but sometimes there re, you know, there may not be one, but right.
I'm not saying that's what happened with you.
No, it did.
Oh, it did happen.
No.
Oh, and there you go.
But you're still, you're not giving up.
No.
You're still out there.
And now can you do, uh, and you're saving your sex for marriage, right?
Yeah.
That's a marriage meal.
Right.
Wow.
So you got to get all the way to the altar before you can even get these, you
know, get
that puree out of you.
Yeah, pretty much.
God.
God, baby.
Oh, man.
And now what, I mean, so you could, now what if you're trapped in an avalanche
or something
you have to get, would you guys have to just get married?
You to do a, sir, you figure it out.
We'll figure it out somehow.
Yeah.
Yeah.
So you keep a ring on you at all times.
I mean, you must keep a ring in the damn glove box, huh?
Pretty much.
Riley Mouse smiling over there.
Rare to see him.
I have a feeling.
Um, well, I'm sorry the date didn't work out.
Uh, and, uh, we got to get more women to teach up.
Now, how, how, how far would it be from marriage to, from the first date to
marriage?
How, how, how, how, how quick are you willing to run that gamut?
Uh, I would say anywhere between six months and a year.
Okay.
But in six months from meeting with somebody, you, you're ready to hit the
altar.
If it seems right.
Yeah.
If it seems right.
And what size woman are you looking for?
You got a height range on you?
Not height.
No.
Um, I don't want someone that's like super thick.
Okay.
But I wouldn't be opposed.
Okay.
So you're up to, you know, you're up to a medium, medium, maybe a medium plus,
but you're not
looking for like a BBW or something like that.
Right.
Some lady that's really like in a food contest or nothing like that.
Right.
Yeah.
I feel you.
Yeah.
Hope you enjoyed that video and you can watch another and you can watch this
one.
You can watch this one.
Different options, different choices.
Some guy just brings you one option, not this guy.
Two options, watch one, this one or this one.