Name: Nick Swardson Remembers His Friend Norm Macdonald
Uploaded: 2021-12-11T11:02:26.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Nick Swardson Remembers His Friend Norm Macdonald' from Theo Von Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2021-12-11. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Nick Swardson Remembers His Friend Norm Macdonald' from Theo Von Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2021-12-11. Transcript available.

were you down there when norm passed away yeah that was awful norm was one of
my best friends
that was awful really yeah that was my buddy todd calling i woke up from a nap
and i look at my
phone it's my friend todd i'm like hey what's up he goes uh we're just taking a
nap and i go yeah
what's up he goes uh you haven't checked your phone have you and i go no and he
goes norm mcdonald
died and i go what no and he goes yeah and it was one of the few times in my
life i just hung up the
phone and immediately started sobbing and i sobbed for like a half hour i just
completely lost it yeah
he was like really like one of my close friends and it was like cutting wait
for a fight huh it was
awful dude it was just and then i found out like he had cancer for a long time
didn't tell anybody and
it it was hard it's still really hard everyone's pretty shook by it do you
remember the last time
that you had seen him um i hadn't seen him for a while but uh the last time i
saw him was at like
at a bar by our place and uh he would watch he was a big gambler but um the
last time i talked to him
i was when i was quarantined in minnesota he would uh i'd text him and i go hey
what's up dude and he
goes uh what who's this and i he would do this all the time i go it's fucking
nick dude he goes
ah nikki what uh what are you doing and i'm like nothing i'm quarantined and he
goes uh you didn't
stand up and i'm like no the fuck i wasn't doing stand-up and he goes what uh
what's your plan
and i go i don't know i'm gonna kick it here and then i think i'm gonna go to
key west and i go
i might just retire though and just move to reno and just get like a residency
and then i'll just
live in reno and just work there just be like an old comic yeah and he goes the
sword of god he goes
ah that's a that's a good idea and i go yeah i don't know whatever he goes that
nah maybe i'll
join you we'll both uh headline reno and i go dude reno's fucking a mess i go
no i don't want to do
so i go to key west a month later he calls him he goes hey uh what are you
doing and i go i don't
know i'm in key west what's up with you and he goes uh when are you going to reno
and i go dude that
was a joke i'm not moving to fucking reno and retiring as like a comic and he
goes ah fuck i thought
i thought it was a good idea and i'm like no and so that's the last time i
talked to him
and then his um close close for his closest friend laurie joe i hit her up
after norman passed and i
was like hey are you doing okay and she goes one of the last things before norm
died one of the last
things he talked about was moving to reno with you no yeah and i go are you
serious she goes yeah he
was like he really wanted to do that and i was like oh and that made me cry
again and uh yeah i was just
that was norm it was really it was awful damn i'll tell you i have so many norm
stories but this is one
of my favorites and um i was on tour me sandler spade rob schneider and norm
was kind of like the
wild card he would pop in for certain dates so we're and uh believe mohican sun
in connecticut
we're backstage everyone's in sandler's green room talking shooting the shit
and me and norm are in
the hallway hanging out and um i don't know why did this uh this long hallway
and this guy walks in
uh way down the hallway he walks in the door and i'm like looking and you know
we're always kind of
suspicious about people that come backstage and i go i think that guy's a gun
and uh norm goes what
and i go i think that guy's a fucking gun dude and he's like oh my god and he
runs into sandler's
room and he goes there's a gun there's a man with a gun and i was like no no no
there's not there's not
i was no no no i'm joking there's not and he goes no no no next day there's a
guy with a gun and
sandler goes what the fuck there's a guy with a fucking gun and spade's like oh
no what the fuck
what's good and i'm like no there's no gun there's no gun i just there was i
was making like a joke
just for norm and norm's like what how's that a joke and i'm like i don't i don't
know and sam was
like sandler was like what the fuck is wrong with you and i'm like i don't know
man spade's like yeah
real cool man and i'm like i'm just gonna go to my room and norm's like yeah i
thought there was a
gun i'm sorry nick nick said it i'm like good lord real buzzkill and the guy
walked past it was a
security guard but yeah he really did have a gun he didn't have a gun but he
just looked like somebody
that would have a gun yeah well people use guns for security man it was just
not a good joke on my
part especially poor norm did you guys ever work together or not we did those
shows together and
we did like oh i got a norm story too um you know we never like we're on stage
together like
fucking bonnie and clyde or whoever i had to go to this casino one time with
norm right
and gambling then he was playing on the show adam eget was there and i somehow
got booked in the
feature right so norm's headlining i felt like norm was on pills or he was a
little bit lit but i don't
know if that's true some people say he never did any drugs i don't know he
seemed like he was off
he did he took pills but he could have been yeah he could have just been having
a this was like
he had cancer for a while right so who knows uh i don't even know so but this
is when i was alive and
you know in my past so what happened was i go on stage and i ran the light
right i was like
not cool but yeah and it was literally in a barn like attached to a casino like
the place where you
could hear like there were like live births like there was a lot going on you
know from animals or
people i mean who knows you know thick thing you just heard the sludge oh you
heard you heard some
pussy sludge you heard you let the bodies hit the floor there's nobody catching
these things that
were being born right you know it was just a lot of uh skinny falling they were
free falling
and then they would hit the ground a skinny puppy you know a lot of babies that
were fart powered
oh yeah oh that's my son you know oh a little robo fart just that kind of
so who books this gig helen keller so anyway he goes out there and he's he is
like you can barely
even hear him it's bae he's just kind of garbling his words right right so
anyway the next day
we're all downstairs jerry mathers is there too okay what no swear jerry mathers
is beaver from
leave it to be bring up a picture of jerry mathers please also that's a real
show for all the kids out
there leave it to beaver yeah and beaver was like the rascal son right oh all
show old shows are
porns now right there he is right there yeah and uh what the fuck was he doing
giving birth
eddie haskell bro he was the same show and yeah eddie haskell died recently r.i.p
very sad
but uh gang violence uh i'm not sure what it was i think it was miss lived in a
nice neighborhood
i think it was miss apple bomb or whatever he whoever the teacher was he was
always at odds with you know
yeah miss crab apple or whatever it was but anyway uh so i get up i i get up
there um oh in the morning
oh so mathers is there right and i said to him i was like he's like i was just
talking i was a huge
fan i had signed i bought an autograph picture of him when i was a kid i had it
on my wallet home
i had a jerry mathers autograph picture wallet that is gross because his name
was theodore and my name
theodore oh that's right so i was just keyed in right so anyway uh i wish this
story would end
you were like leave it to sleazer dude so anyway i'm fucking thrown on your
fucking eggnog he goes
where do you live i said i live in santa monica he goes i used to get some
pussy in santa monica
that's exactly what he said bro so right there i'm a little shook i'm excited
you know i'm still
excited that it's him but i'm a little shook right but anyway in the morning
norm's downstairs we'll
have to play in this poker tournament that's part of the weekend deal the
package
and norm's like man a lot of hot chicks here huh and i'm looking around it's
like nobody's
hot in this area right there hasn't been anybody hot here if somebody here were
hot you would
know about it immediately right on a calendar they would be on the news yeah
they would be on the
news yeah deader yeah they would be on the news bro yeah if a decent strand of
jeans
passed through this town the fucking fire alarms would go off right there has
not been they would
be up from the news to a milk carton in like a week there has not been a a
unique strand of gtac to
roll through this area and fucking says fucking what norm was definitely on
pills if he was like
looking around right there's some tail hair yeah so i thought he was serious
right because i don't
really know him i'm like yeah man there definitely is and then he goes fuck no
there is
that's that's so him that's amazing he like baited me into believing that yeah
and then fucking pulled
the rug out did he was fuck no there isn't it's so hard because you never i
mean i was one of his good
friends for a long time i'm talking like 15 years wow and i still was like i
could kind of gauge but
sometimes i was like what is he saying right but he uh he was out of his out of
this world and did
he chase a lot of women did he have a wife or anything no i never met a wife he
has a son dylan
who's really cool so he must have did sex once at least i mean i never saw he
was addicted he was a
big gambler dude really he loved the gambling and he he had a bit he he always
had so many gay jokes
but i never knew him to be gay or anything but he had a joke he was on letterman
and uh or no it was
conan and he goes he is promoting his book and he goes yeah it's not a memoir
but uh and it's just uh
it's a book and he goes uh you know it's i don't talk about being deeply a
deeply closeted gay
man and conan goes what you're gay and he goes what no why'd you say that he
goes well you just said
he goes no i'm i'm deeply closeted and he goes so you're not gay he's like no
no i'm straight as an
arrow he goes and he goes and i'm paraphrasing forgive me but he goes you know
deeply closeted
means the guy who's gay but he's so gay he won't admit it he hides it and uh he's
like yeah no i'm
straight it was such a fucking good bit again i fucking um paraphrased it but
it's on youtube
that's funny man yeah he was great yeah i saw i watched one of his clips and he
was on i think the
view did you see that clip no when they're trying to get him to like he's
trying to be very realistic
the show's like ultra liberal and he's just trying to be just a realist like
yeah that's how he was
yeah and they're like they won't they're like you'll never be back on this show
they're all joking
about it and stuff and he well he wouldn't because he wasn't like just kind of
conforming to whatever
like i don't know just some ridiculous story why would they have him on i don't
know that's so weird
like he's so not i can see him doing it like if they offered it to him but i
can't here we go let's
get a little bit of it that uh the democrats don't steal the election from the
uh the winner you know
but who knows you like george bush i love george bush man he's a good man
decent you know none of this
yeah he's uh you know he's not a a liar a crook murderer or anything like that
so it'd be good to
get the see i i don't i think we should get the homicide out of the white house
and get like a
uh a fresh start because we don't want any more murderers i think we should
just go on to the next
question who are the murderers yeah yeah oh clinton he murdered a guy yeah you
know we're not allowed
you're not allowed to put out no accusations without that's a little too far
let's just let's just go
yeah this is not my week what can i tell you oh it's not mine either and i'm
being very nice okay
i'll be a good boy now norm do you never hear that no listen we don't need i
don't want to get
into this and i don't want to hear it and this is not the place to make those
accusations and you're
supposed to be funny let's get on there exactly there you go this is a live
show but you have been
properly chastised by barbara so i'm now going to ask the next question i
thought it was a matter of
record he's just saying okay let me do this okay they don't even want to talk
about the fact that
maybe the guy murdered somebody yeah let's talk football all right man manslaughter
he's doubling down yeah don't have norm doesn't play by rules dude that's
hilarious
hope you enjoyed that video and you can watch another and you can watch this
one you can watch
this one different options different choices some guy just brings you one
option not this guy two options
watch one this one or this one

Nick Swardson Remembers His Friend Norm Macdonald

were you down there when norm passed away yeah that was awful norm was one of
my best friends
that was awful really yeah that was my buddy todd calling i woke up from a nap
and i look at my
phone it's my friend todd i'm like hey what's up he goes uh we're just taking a
nap and i go yeah
what's up he goes uh you haven't checked your phone have you and i go no and he
goes norm mcdonald
died and i go what no and he goes yeah and it was one of the few times in my
life i just hung up the
phone and immediately started sobbing and i sobbed for like a half hour i just
completely lost it yeah
he was like really like one of my close friends and it was like cutting wait
for a fight huh it was
awful dude it was just and then i found out like he had cancer for a long time
didn't tell anybody and
it it was hard it's still really hard everyone's pretty shook by it do you
remember the last time
that you had seen him um i hadn't seen him for a while but uh the last time i
saw him was at like
at a bar by our place and uh he would watch he was a big gambler but um the
last time i talked to him
i was when i was quarantined in minnesota he would uh i'd text him and i go hey
what's up dude and he
goes uh what who's this and i he would do this all the time i go it's fucking
nick dude he goes
ah nikki what uh what are you doing and i'm like nothing i'm quarantined and he
goes uh you didn't
stand up and i'm like no the fuck i wasn't doing stand-up and he goes what uh
what's your plan
and i go i don't know i'm gonna kick it here and then i think i'm gonna go to
key west and i go
i might just retire though and just move to reno and just get like a residency
and then i'll just
live in reno and just work there just be like an old comic yeah and he goes the
sword of god he goes
ah that's a that's a good idea and i go yeah i don't know whatever he goes that
nah maybe i'll
join you we'll both uh headline reno and i go dude reno's fucking a mess i go
no i don't want to do
so i go to key west a month later he calls him he goes hey uh what are you
doing and i go i don't
know i'm in key west what's up with you and he goes uh when are you going to reno
and i go dude that
was a joke i'm not moving to fucking reno and retiring as like a comic and he
goes ah fuck i thought
i thought it was a good idea and i'm like no and so that's the last time i
talked to him
and then his um close close for his closest friend laurie joe i hit her up
after norman passed and i
was like hey are you doing okay and she goes one of the last things before norm
died one of the last
things he talked about was moving to reno with you no yeah and i go are you
serious she goes yeah he
was like he really wanted to do that and i was like oh and that made me cry
again and uh yeah i was just
that was norm it was really it was awful damn i'll tell you i have so many norm
stories but this is one
of my favorites and um i was on tour me sandler spade rob schneider and norm
was kind of like the
wild card he would pop in for certain dates so we're and uh believe mohican sun
in connecticut
we're backstage everyone's in sandler's green room talking shooting the shit
and me and norm are in
the hallway hanging out and um i don't know why did this uh this long hallway
and this guy walks in
uh way down the hallway he walks in the door and i'm like looking and you know
we're always kind of
suspicious about people that come backstage and i go i think that guy's a gun
and uh norm goes what
and i go i think that guy's a fucking gun dude and he's like oh my god and he
runs into sandler's
room and he goes there's a gun there's a man with a gun and i was like no no no
there's not there's not
i was no no no i'm joking there's not and he goes no no no next day there's a
guy with a gun and
sandler goes what the fuck there's a guy with a fucking gun and spade's like oh
no what the fuck
what's good and i'm like no there's no gun there's no gun i just there was i
was making like a joke
just for norm and norm's like what how's that a joke and i'm like i don't i don't
know and sam was
like sandler was like what the fuck is wrong with you and i'm like i don't know
man spade's like yeah
real cool man and i'm like i'm just gonna go to my room and norm's like yeah i
thought there was a
gun i'm sorry nick nick said it i'm like good lord real buzzkill and the guy
walked past it was a
security guard but yeah he really did have a gun he didn't have a gun but he
just looked like somebody
that would have a gun yeah well people use guns for security man it was just
not a good joke on my
part especially poor norm did you guys ever work together or not we did those
shows together and
we did like oh i got a norm story too um you know we never like we're on stage
together like
fucking bonnie and clyde or whoever i had to go to this casino one time with
norm right
and gambling then he was playing on the show adam eget was there and i somehow
got booked in the
feature right so norm's headlining i felt like norm was on pills or he was a
little bit lit but i don't
know if that's true some people say he never did any drugs i don't know he
seemed like he was off
he did he took pills but he could have been yeah he could have just been having
a this was like
he had cancer for a while right so who knows uh i don't even know so but this
is when i was alive and
you know in my past so what happened was i go on stage and i ran the light
right i was like
not cool but yeah and it was literally in a barn like attached to a casino like
the place where you
could hear like there were like live births like there was a lot going on you
know from animals or
people i mean who knows you know thick thing you just heard the sludge oh you
heard you heard some
pussy sludge you heard you let the bodies hit the floor there's nobody catching
these things that
were being born right you know it was just a lot of uh skinny falling they were
free falling
and then they would hit the ground a skinny puppy you know a lot of babies that
were fart powered
oh yeah oh that's my son you know oh a little robo fart just that kind of
so who books this gig helen keller so anyway he goes out there and he's he is
like you can barely
even hear him it's bae he's just kind of garbling his words right right so
anyway the next day
we're all downstairs jerry mathers is there too okay what no swear jerry mathers
is beaver from
leave it to be bring up a picture of jerry mathers please also that's a real
show for all the kids out
there leave it to beaver yeah and beaver was like the rascal son right oh all
show old shows are
porns now right there he is right there yeah and uh what the fuck was he doing
giving birth
eddie haskell bro he was the same show and yeah eddie haskell died recently r.i.p
very sad
but uh gang violence uh i'm not sure what it was i think it was miss lived in a
nice neighborhood
i think it was miss apple bomb or whatever he whoever the teacher was he was
always at odds with you know
yeah miss crab apple or whatever it was but anyway uh so i get up i i get up
there um oh in the morning
oh so mathers is there right and i said to him i was like he's like i was just
talking i was a huge
fan i had signed i bought an autograph picture of him when i was a kid i had it
on my wallet home
i had a jerry mathers autograph picture wallet that is gross because his name
was theodore and my name
theodore oh that's right so i was just keyed in right so anyway uh i wish this
story would end
you were like leave it to sleazer dude so anyway i'm fucking thrown on your
fucking eggnog he goes
where do you live i said i live in santa monica he goes i used to get some
pussy in santa monica
that's exactly what he said bro so right there i'm a little shook i'm excited
you know i'm still
excited that it's him but i'm a little shook right but anyway in the morning
norm's downstairs we'll
have to play in this poker tournament that's part of the weekend deal the
package
and norm's like man a lot of hot chicks here huh and i'm looking around it's
like nobody's
hot in this area right there hasn't been anybody hot here if somebody here were
hot you would
know about it immediately right on a calendar they would be on the news yeah
they would be on the
news yeah deader yeah they would be on the news bro yeah if a decent strand of
jeans
passed through this town the fucking fire alarms would go off right there has
not been they would
be up from the news to a milk carton in like a week there has not been a a
unique strand of gtac to
roll through this area and fucking says fucking what norm was definitely on
pills if he was like
looking around right there's some tail hair yeah so i thought he was serious
right because i don't
really know him i'm like yeah man there definitely is and then he goes fuck no
there is
that's that's so him that's amazing he like baited me into believing that yeah
and then fucking pulled
the rug out did he was fuck no there isn't it's so hard because you never i
mean i was one of his good
friends for a long time i'm talking like 15 years wow and i still was like i
could kind of gauge but
sometimes i was like what is he saying right but he uh he was out of his out of
this world and did
he chase a lot of women did he have a wife or anything no i never met a wife he
has a son dylan
who's really cool so he must have did sex once at least i mean i never saw he
was addicted he was a
big gambler dude really he loved the gambling and he he had a bit he he always
had so many gay jokes
but i never knew him to be gay or anything but he had a joke he was on letterman
and uh or no it was
conan and he goes he is promoting his book and he goes yeah it's not a memoir
but uh and it's just uh
it's a book and he goes uh you know it's i don't talk about being deeply a
deeply closeted gay
man and conan goes what you're gay and he goes what no why'd you say that he
goes well you just said
he goes no i'm i'm deeply closeted and he goes so you're not gay he's like no
no i'm straight as an
arrow he goes and he goes and i'm paraphrasing forgive me but he goes you know
deeply closeted
means the guy who's gay but he's so gay he won't admit it he hides it and uh he's
like yeah no i'm
straight it was such a fucking good bit again i fucking um paraphrased it but
it's on youtube
that's funny man yeah he was great yeah i saw i watched one of his clips and he
was on i think the
view did you see that clip no when they're trying to get him to like he's
trying to be very realistic
the show's like ultra liberal and he's just trying to be just a realist like
yeah that's how he was
yeah and they're like they won't they're like you'll never be back on this show
they're all joking
about it and stuff and he well he wouldn't because he wasn't like just kind of
conforming to whatever
like i don't know just some ridiculous story why would they have him on i don't
know that's so weird
like he's so not i can see him doing it like if they offered it to him but i
can't here we go let's
get a little bit of it that uh the democrats don't steal the election from the
uh the winner you know
but who knows you like george bush i love george bush man he's a good man
decent you know none of this
yeah he's uh you know he's not a a liar a crook murderer or anything like that
so it'd be good to
get the see i i don't i think we should get the homicide out of the white house
and get like a
uh a fresh start because we don't want any more murderers i think we should
just go on to the next
question who are the murderers yeah yeah oh clinton he murdered a guy yeah you
know we're not allowed
you're not allowed to put out no accusations without that's a little too far
let's just let's just go
yeah this is not my week what can i tell you oh it's not mine either and i'm
being very nice okay
i'll be a good boy now norm do you never hear that no listen we don't need i
don't want to get
into this and i don't want to hear it and this is not the place to make those
accusations and you're
supposed to be fun