Name: Bryce Mitchell Solves Al Iaquinta’s Raccoon Problem
Uploaded: 2021-12-18T15:53:03.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Bryce Mitchell Solves Al Iaquinta’s Raccoon Problem' from Theo Von Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2021-12-18. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Bryce Mitchell Solves Al Iaquinta’s Raccoon Problem' from Theo Von Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2021-12-18. Transcript available.

you know i was standing back the other night i got i'm back today i got to
stand by al jermaine
sterling he's you know that's my buddy yeah he's cool interesting guy funny
dude he's like one of
the first fighters i ever met at the comedy store a long time ago nice such a
easy i actually lived
with him for a month really it was me uh we were all staying at ally quinn's
house wow that's crazy
it was me al pat defranco um al joe and pumi and all these guys are fighters
right so we got six
fighters i'm sleeping on the couch right well this is one of the funniest
things that happens
there's this uh pumi stays in the basement and pumi's kind of like me al kind
of goes to bed a
little bit earlier pat kind of and and al joe kind of go to bed a little bit
earlier i'm up one night
you know i'm sleeping on the couch kitchens right there right so i go out there
i start making a
little bit of stuff in the kitchen you know i'm cooking baby cook it up and al
has this problem
with coons getting into his trash like these big old fucking city coons oh yeah
i've seen them big
ones right and i told al you know like one one morning we came out and there's
trash all over
the ground oh they'll roll six deep too man they'll come in yeah that's right
and so i told al i said
brothers i ain't i'll get these coons for you i said i'll be on full patrol you
know what i'm saying
yeah we're going to bed bryce i'm fucking getting them bro and so i go out
there i'm cooking a little
bit and uh two big ones out there on the trash can and they're about to get
into it you know what i'm
saying i didn't have no backup it's two on one i got a spatula bro yeah and uh
i was thinking man
this is gonna be a fucking good fight these are some big ass coons i'm like poomy
poomy and poomy's
down there in the basement and he's like huh what's going on brother until he's
kind of like tired i'm
like bro i need some help up here bad brother there's two of them i'm going to
fuck them up right
now and he backed up poomy don't even know what the fuck's going on he poomy
runs out and bro so
i go out the door and i fucking smack one of these coons in the spatula really
straight up straight up
bitch and he didn't back down bro he looked like he didn't give a shit he
turned around looked at me
like we was about to have a long conversation and what weight class was he in
bro he was one of them
little fucking ninja coons he's like i don't even know what weight class
probably 105 bro they were
jumping from the trash can to the fence oh yeah he's jumping and he he had we
had to stare down and i
was like kind of reared back and uh and then poomy comes up poomy's got a
butcher knife yeah thank god
because then that's when both of them them coons is like okay now it's a fair
fight and they took
off but poomy saved my ass on that one yeah so shout out to poomy right there
we had a spatula and a
butcher knife growing deep on them coons brother mother nature got them hit men
that's right that's
what i'm saying bro mother nature got them hit men the craziest raccoon yeah
sometimes you'll go out
about a trash and they have the couple that are in the trash the weird one that
always gets me is the
one that's in the recycling bin bro these were the like that like who the fuck
is that one because
that's the one that's looking for knowledge he's in there reading papers
looking at your reports and
shit hey these ones were the real fucking they were like the scouts you know i'm
saying like
probably like the army ranger ones like scouting out for surveillance and shit
i smacked this
coon as hard as i could dude damn he didn't do nothing they probably wouldn't
report it back to
somebody i'm sure oh they sure did brother damn orchestrated attack you know i'm
saying oh that's
unbelievable that's mother nature baby that's a dark arts dog because they'll
get once they get
going you don't know what's coming next no bro them couldn't they come up from
any window
chimney oh they come up underneath in the plumbing brother actually them coons
that's where they
actually um believe it or not that's their headquarters really where i've been
keeping
eyes under house in searcy oh damn yeah they they live under underground you
guys have a very
y'all got a raccoon problem over there militaristic bro their mindset's just
straight militaristic bro
they got their headquarters underground they're they're up there uh boosting
their population
getting their numbers up that's right it's worse yeah that's ewo jima day that's
like they ain't got
you punji traps ain't shit on them raccoon traps bro that's like the coochie
tunnels baby so so check
this out man um they did this thing at harding because the coons are so bad
they fucking they go
up and they grab the the trash and then they scurry back to the little sewers
oh really they did this
thing at harding um they steam what is harding it's a it's a college that i
went to yeah and that's
where i seen them for years building up their numbers bro and they're just
getting bigger and
faster and smarter and they're not even afraid of motherfuckers now bro the fur
chinese they call
them yeah like i was going to throw something away one time and damn near had a
conversation with one
of them he's like man you can't believe you're gonna eat that you know what i'm
saying like
they ain't even scared of people no more i saw a woman with a wallet on them
the other day with a
wallet chain yeah that's that that's that pimp coon brother well bro they steam
the whole thing like
they steam it's mean man but they steam the underground and i think it's
honestly to flush
the coons out wow but they're living i ain't no ain't no joke bro they're
living now at the college
at the college and you see steam coming up out of things for like an hour
straight i gas they're
trying to smoke them out bro that's against that's against the geneva
convention as far as i'm saying
that's why they got that military mindset though man because it's warfare
treaty i think i think
i think that shit should be done that's what i said man i just turned i act
like i didn't even see
it bro because that's just fucked up like it's one thing to smack him with the
spatula bro you're
gassing babies down there you know what i'm saying like i ain't about that this
shit has to stop dog
damn it's a fucking dark horse bro damn hope you enjoyed that video and you can
watch another
and you can watch this one you can watch this one different options different
choices some guy just
brings you one option not this guy two options watch one this one or this one