Name: Theo Gets Into The Holiday Spirit
Uploaded: 2021-12-22T04:50:54.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Theo Gets Into The Holiday Spirit' from Theo Von Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2021-12-22. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Theo Gets Into The Holiday Spirit' from Theo Von Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2021-12-22. Transcript available.

and merry christmas you know merry christmas you know damn just get out there
and just damn tell
somebody merry christmas damn it damn just if you got a damn ring somebody's
neck if they don't get
it give it to them merry christmas you tell them it's that time of year get a
nice gift for someone
you know get somebody something they can use if you have a maybe you got a
buddy who's never been to
the beach get him give him a little bucket of sand or something give his wife a
half bucket
maybe uh maybe somebody don't have a legs or something you know get him a um
draw some draw a picture of him with legs and say hey man this is how i see you
you know i see you complete
you know do something we had a you know if somebody doesn't have a tongue we
had a fellow didn't have
a tongue bus and somebody wrote down all the flavors on a piece of uh poster
board so he could point at
him when he was enjoying something look it's tart look it's you know fruit
based or whatever
oh shit this has lead in it and he pointed at lead you know help somebody out
you know just be a stand
for decency if you can this time of year you have a buddy that that um that's
never been outdoors
get him a tree get him a little tree bring it inside get him a little you know
get him a bird call or
something hide behind the tree say hey this is what it's like if you want to
vent if you ever want
to do so you want to be brave you know we had a a cousin that couldn't read and
um
and somebody got him a damn book and that's not good
you know because that's really get him a letter draw a big letter on a thing
say hey this is it
l m r you know don't you don't want to ruin somebody's day either you know
somebody can't
you know i remember he couldn't read they gave him a book and everybody's like
you know because he can't you know you can't put a toddler on mount everest you
got to put him on an
anthill first
there you go and that is the first knoll
uh and i look i like my music i want my my christmas i don't care if the house
burns down
i want to be settled somewhere the fireplace going or somebody drew a fireplace
and uh pinned it up
and i want uh i want that music i want the mute i don't care if the house burns
down
as long as i can hear a peaceful tune
i don't care if we never see the cat again i don't care i just want to relax
and hear a peaceful
christmas tune and have me a little cookie the cookies i like the ones that
moms make
with just the sugar on them or the ones that have the star in them
uh and they're star shaped you know mom gets the cutter
puts it in there and the stocking one moms make the stocking one that those
burn for some reason
the back of those always burn up but then mitch is good you know i like them
i like cookies that are burnt i like the burnt cookie because you got somebody
to complain at
i like a cookie that comes with a reason for me to bitch at the end of it you
know hey
the fuck
the fall and you still oh i'll have four more i'll have four more of them burnt
bitches but
you're gonna hear about it yeah i just want to wish you a merry christmas and a
happy holidays and
happy kwanzaa if you do that happy ramadan if you do that happy damn
leap year whatever you celebrate whatever you celebrate i want to wish you it
you know happy uh
happy birthday if your birthday's on christmas man you're fucked
but happy birthday to you nobody cares but you do and that's got to be hectic
but
oh well you're fucked um yeah can you imagine having a birthday on christmas
you walk out with a birthday cake
and everybody's like we don't care could you imagine that people you're like
hey come over
here while i blow out the candles and people are like blow out my nuts son santa's
here
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