Name: Theo Von’s First Date Tip
Uploaded: 2022-01-04T16:39:15.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Theo Von’s First Date Tip' from Theo Von Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2022-01-04. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Theo Von’s First Date Tip' from Theo Von Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2022-01-04. Transcript available.

Brother man, this is Joey Donuts calling from Manhattan.
Joey Donuts, baby, from Manhattan.
Them sugar circles, baby.
Blessing us, baby.
With them glucose O's, baby Donuts, dog.
From the big city, baby, up there in Big Apple country.
Big Apple, baby, gang.
Dominicans.
So I've got a big date lined up in a few days.
We've got a couple mutual friends.
We went to the same school.
But, you know, I barely know this, Chica.
I just wanted some advice, you know.
What do you talk about?
What should I say?
First date, I'm a little nervous.
Let me know what's going on, brother man.
Gang, baby, I appreciate the question there.
And sorry to cut you off, man, but I can.
And here's the first date move.
Here's the first date move.
You take the lady to a maternity ward.
Take her to the local hospital.
I used to do this move when I was a child, preteen, or teen, you know.
As soon as I was, you know, viral or whatever, sexually mature, as they called
it in science or pre-science.
I don't know what we took, but I got a B.
But as soon as you're sexually mature and you have a date, you should take her
to the maternity ward.
Here's what I would do.
I would take the, because we didn't have a lot of attractions in our area.
You know, you could see maybe there had been a fire.
You could go over there.
You could park by the water.
You know, which is fun, but it just, it leaves other, the other people coming
apart by the water are usually deviant.
You know, somebody out there smoking a pill or people that want to have sex
outdoors.
And when you're still a youngster, you want to take her somewhere that's at
least decently lit, you know, so her parents don't get upset.
So what I found was the maternity ward, you take her in there because you see
the babies are in there.
And you show a girl the baby, that tells her right there, A, you're a family
man.
You're about that life, okay?
You're about life.
You're about, I mean, you're looking at actual, because the window's there, the
babies are in there.
They got them in there, you know, in the little, you know, vestibules or
whatever.
So you get to see each one in the little carton and beer.
So you're about actual life.
You're about life.
So you're showing her that.
And she knows you're about sex because a baby, you didn't get a baby without
sex, you know?
That happened one time in the desert.
And that's, that's a, that's a wrap.
But since then, it's taken a couple of people, you know, touching.
Doing touch.
So, so you let her know you're about sex.
You take her to dinner.
There's no sex.
Nobody's, nobody's fucking in the back so you can eat at the Applebee.
You know?
There's not, you know, there's not two people back there fornicating over there
at the Captain D's seafood or whatever.
So you guys can have a, you know, can do a, um, a shrimp, shrimp, you know,
basket.
So, but if you show her that baby, it puts it, there's a thing that happens
where it just shows, hey, I know about sex.
I'm sexually mature.
That's what it does.
It lets a woman know you know about sex.
You take her to dinner, that doesn't mean you know about sex.
That means you know about recipes, you know about silverware, you know about,
uh, you know, being indoors or whatever.
But you take her to the, to the maternity, bam.
She sees that.
And some of the babies, it still smelled like sex in there.
You know, the one in our town, the window was, was, uh, busted between the
babies and the, um, visitor.
So you're sitting there, you know what I'm saying?
I think they even had a little broken glass around there.
But, um, yes, you can still smell.
I mean, you still get that hit.
And some of the babies, they really, they definitely smell like, uh, some of
them smell like doggy style.
Some of them, one of them you'll see still have a panty wrapped around his
wrist.
There's some real, you know, them Italian ones.
There's some real, it gets a little hype.
So, that's your first date answer, brother.
What, are you going to take her to where, Dave and Busters?
Take her to bust and Busters.
You know what I'm saying?
Ugh.
Hope you enjoyed that video.
And you can watch another.
And you can watch this one.
You can watch this one.
Different options, different choices.
Some guy just brings you one option.
Not this guy.
Two options.
Watch one.
This one or this one.