Name: School Dances Were High Stakes
Uploaded: 2022-02-16T22:48:55.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'School Dances Were High Stakes' from Theo Von Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2022-02-16. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'School Dances Were High Stakes' from Theo Von Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2022-02-16. Transcript available.

There was a song that our school dances, you had to be hands touch, one-two
step, you had to be arms length away.
So tell me about that.
What do you mean?
So like in like eighth grade for our dances, there was like chaperones and you
had to be one arm length away because that was, you know, social distancing for
when you were horny.
You know, you had to be one arm's length away.
Siemens, the original COVID.
Spreading everywhere, dog.
But when Sierra's one-two step or goodies, goodies, that shit, when that would
come on, everybody would break the arm barrier.
People would stop.
I mean, that was like the first time my brain heard something.
I was like, oh, shit.
Me.
Who was that guy?
Petey Pablo?
I think it was Petey Pop.
I love what I do.
That or Freak-A-Leak.
Wasn't that, was that cookies?
No.
Goodies.
Goodies.
Close.
But when that came on, that was like the first time my body really felt
something.
You know, I remember the first porn I ever Googled was boobs.com.
That was the original.
But the second time I really felt something was when goodies came on at the
school dance.
And that was big.
That was everybody.
All the chaperones were like, you guys are doing the freak dancing.
Get them away.
But they always tried to break it up.
Somebody blow a whistle.
Turn the lights on.
Come out the closet.
Yeah, they had air horns.
Yeah, exactly.
It was like, you're lying, boy.
Yeah, exactly.
Your shirt's off.
You're sweating.
Yeah, that was the first time.
Oh, that was crazy.
Dude, school dances, man.
I remember one time going to pick this girl up.
Oh, Freak-A-Leak.
Was that it?
Freak-A-Leak was a...
No, Goodies.
Is there a song called Goodies?
Goodies?
Sierra just had jam.
Yeah, just...
Just...
No, just Goodies.
My Goodies.
Goodies?
I think Sierra.
Goodies.
Goodies, Sierra.
Oh, with Petey Pablo.
Yeah, I think that is...
That's the same photo on the nightstand, no?
The second one down?
Oh, yeah, it is.
Damn, look at me.
I know my shit, dude.
Boom, boom, boom.
There we go.
Subliminal messaging.
Nelly is horny.
Or were they dating?
Probably.
Did they date on one day?
I don't know.
Yeah, this is...
I don't think we can play it anyway, can we?
Okay.
Yeah, regardless.
I'm playing it in my mind a little bit right now, but that's...
But...
Right.
That was like...
The school dance stuff was...
This was even...
Who'd you go with?
I think you just went with homies.
Whoa, whoa, whoa.
Whoa, hold on.
But, like, eighth grade dances, you kind of just showed up, and then you just
kind of,
like, in movies, you'd sit at the wall, and you'd wait to make eye contact with...
But, in high school, that's when you would ask the girl.
Oh, really?
We had...
No, in our school, it was big.
You had to get asked or asked at, like, seventh grade.
Wow.
And they had different dances, man.
They had Sadie Hawkins.
Sadie Hawkins, okay.
Then they had this one dance where they made a big shirt.
Yeah, they would sew the shirt sleeves together.
It was like...
What was it called?
Like a parachute?
Love lock or something.
You see how many people you could fit in there?
No, you had to...
It was you and your date.
So, y'all were, like, a big circle, you know, by the sleeves.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
And so, you were, um...
It had to have been Spring Fling or something.
So, they would have these special shirts made for everybody, and you had to be,
like, locked in like this.
Yeah.
So, all night, you were kind of locked in.
How did you pee?
Oh, is that what I mean?
Your pants?
Your commit?
That'd be a weird place to get hard, too.
I mean, I'll say this.
You didn't lay on your back and do it.
Yeah, right.
So, like, some fucking unnatural little...
Because then she's laying on her stomach, and then she's going out the
honorable one.
Oh, yeah.
Yeah, no, I remember one year I asked a girl to homecoming in a Tiffany's box,
but it just
said homecoming on a piece of paper, and then I opened it, like I was proposing,
and then
she friendzoned me that night.
I went in for the kiss, and she gave me the cheek.
Oh.
Gave me the cheek.
In high school?
Yeah, I was way out of my league.
This girl, she was, like, the girl who had, like, the tits in town.
Oh, yeah.
Like, she was...
You ask anybody, both of them.
Yeah, you ask anybody about, uh, in Camryo, California, about, uh, about
Christina?
I mean, she had the bags on her.
Bang!
Bang!
Bags were fully charged, but...
Joe Byron!
Yeah, I love this.
Yeah, but she was awesome, man, but I was, like, I was really stepping outside
of my britches,
you know?
Oh, dude, I remember this one girl, man.
I think her name was Noel, right?
Good titty name.
And she had...
I don't need...
Her whole body was titty.
Yeah.
Her whole body was just made out of tit, dude.
Every part of her body was titty.
You graze her hand a little bit, you're like, oh, shit.
Oh, dude.
That an areola?
Even a high five felt like it had milk in it.
You know what I'm saying?
She just was all tit, bro.
Yeah.
And I remember somehow he agreed to go to a dance with me.
I even remember when I asked her, I was so...
I was on mushrooms when I asked her and I got so hype after she said yes, I ran
and jumped
over a chain link fence and cut my...
Literally cut my hand open and my stomach open.
Did you grip it like you were pole vaulting a little bit?
No, I just tried to jump up completely over it.
You just jumped straight into it?
Oh, I was so stoked.
Oh, because you're on mushrooms.
Yeah.
And I was like, I'm going to show her this cool trick.
You know what I'm saying?
She knows she's dealing with a savage now.
And that was tit girl?
So anyway, I healed up and we went to the dance.
And one of my hands was still pretty bandaged up.
You know, my hand where I got and cut pretty well was pretty bandaged.
So I remember she led me like kind of get one of those tits out, boy.
And I'm just batting that thing around like...
Some Mayweather shit.
Just throwing riots on it.
Oh, it was definitely...
That's what will heal the hand.
Tits.
Oh, it was some, you know, some Canelo, bro.
You know what I'm saying?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
She just let me...
Right.
Just a little batting practice with that t-top.
Oh, yeah.
And then later on at night, we're at my friend's house and we're sitting there
and they had
a pool table.
And I'm like trying to get her underpants off a little.
With the mid on?
Oh, it was so hard.
And I think she kept thought that I was like tapping her on the...
Like I was trying to ask her a question or something.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Because she would...
I could see that.
Like what?
You know?
Because I kept...
Every time I'd like kind of touch her with the mid.
Yeah, you should add her like seductively like undo the wrap on your hand with
her teeth
or something and going around.
If going back in time, dude, I would do it so different.
But I got so nervous because she was so...
She was the hot...
She was the...
She was just living tit.
And I got so nervous that I just kind of...
I just fell apart and...
How's she doing now?
I'm sure she's beautiful and has a family.
Same tit?
Like most of the people that I know or most of the...
You know, like most women that I talk occasionally at night on Facebook.
You know what I'm saying?
Yeah.
Every once in a while, you dab, we'll see how they're doing.
Four kids.
Arkansas.
Yeah.
The evil we're saying.
Hope you enjoyed that video.
And you can watch another.
And you can watch this one.
You can watch this one.
Different options.
Different choices.
Some guy just brings you one option.
Not this guy.
Two options.
Watch one.
This one or this one.