Name: Theo Visits The Last Blockbuster On Earth
Uploaded: 2022-03-05T02:37:08.000Z
Description: Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Theo Visits The Last Blockbuster On Earth' from Theo Von Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2022-03-05. Transcript available.

Watch the stand-up comedy video 'Theo Visits The Last Blockbuster On Earth' from Theo Von Clips on Comedy Buff. Published 2022-03-05. Transcript available.

I went to a blockbuster video.
This is about maybe a month ago.
I went and visited my ex-girlfriend.
She lives in Bend, Oregon.
If you believe in that place.
I went and visited her.
And they had a blockbuster video up there.
The last one.
And I couldn't believe it.
Right when I got there, some guy was dropping the videos off in the outdoor
slot.
Some dude that, I mean, the overdue fines he must have had.
Steep.
Sprack.
Those overdue fines were upstairs, baby.
Them bitches was upstairs.
And, yeah, and then you go in and it's just a flood of the past.
It's like the yellow that was kind of, the yellow was a little bit stolen by
the minions, kind of.
They kind of took that blockbuster yellow.
And it was just like the wooden, like, the kind of prefab kind of wooden.
There was like, you know what I'm talking about, the wood, the paneling type of
wood, you know.
Or it wasn't paneling.
It was like these, like, it was like kind of plywood, I think.
But it had like this, like, laminate over it.
And you just saw the movie.
You saw the thing.
Dramas.
Television was a section.
And it was just on DVD or C.
I don't even know what format it was on in there.
But it was awesome.
You just.
And you saw so many titles.
That was the thing.
You saw all the titles.
You're like, oh, what is this one?
You know, Russian, you know, bomber or something.
Oh, Russian bomber.
I've never seen this.
And you'd read it.
You know, like, somebody bombs a Russian.
That was like the synopsis of the movie.
Like, this shit sounds pretty bad, you know.
My stepdad would like it.
That's one of those movies, you know.
Like, Jack Reacher 70.
He would like that.
But, yeah, one thing that was interesting.
You got to see all the movies.
Went to the different sections.
Kids.
Adults.
Teens.
And they had drama.
Violence.
Horror.
You go to the little section.
Like, oh, well, look at all these movies.
You know.
Rambo.
You know.
Rambo.
Like a Rambo.
Remember that?
Or they'd have, like, bat attack.
And, like, two, you know, dangerous bats attack a family or something.
You know, outside of Des Moines, though.
And they're like, damn.
They fucking.
These bats are getting people.
Damn, these bats.
But the one interesting thing I thought about being at the Blockbuster was.
You got to.
You made a choice.
You had all the things.
And you made a choice.
You went.
And you were like, oh.
This one looks pretty good.
I'll make this choice.
I'm going to chew.
There was just so many choices.
You could wander.
You could choose.
Like.
It felt like you had so many options.
And you got to make a choice.
Whereas with the streaming platforms now.
You turn it on.
The most you can see on a screen at one time is about eight or ten names.
And I don't really.
And it feels like it's the same.
You could go through every section.
And they give you the same, you know, nine options.
You're like, damn.
So that was one thing that felt interesting at the Blockbuster was that I got
to make the choice.
I, you know, maybe I'd be in comedy section.
I'd be looking, see, you know, let me look over there.
You know, they got horror films or they got a geriatric, you know, nightmare or
whatever.
Putting nightmares or whatever.
And you go over there and look at that.
They got construction, you know, different shit.
In one area, it's just blueprints rolled up.
You could read them bitches.
You know, bad blueprints.
A lot of stuff from probably like areas where there's like a high water table.
You're like, damn.
So if you know about blueprints, some of that shit can be very, very scary.
But I just thought it was interesting.
You got to make, I felt so much more like I made the choice at Blockbuster.
Whereas with the streamer platforms, I feel like the choice is kind of made for
you.
They're making the choice in the background.
You know, they're giving you these, here's 12 options.
Choose, this is, you know.
But at Blockbuster, I just felt like here's all the options.
And maybe because at Blockbuster, you're physically moving.
So you're kind of wandering through the, there's more of a, like you doing an
action to go choose something.
I don't know.
It was definitely, I just felt strongly like, man, I miss having the choice.
As opposed to what it feels like now more is that it gets, it kind of gets
chosen for you.
You don't, it doesn't really.
But the screen, it's just, you know, it's just such a small screen that they,
they're going to, they hit you with it enough, you might click on it.
But yeah, it was crazy.
The new releases and the Pete, the workers are up there and they're like doing
the little thing where they take the thing off and make sure nobody's stealing
and shit.
God.
It was such a throwback.
And then they had the little candies.
They had the, um, there was always a couple of packs.
They had Nestle's.
Then they had the Nestle nugget bites or whatever.
The Butterfinger bites when them bitches came out.
Dude, we, I had a buddy broke into a fucking blockbuster and got six packs of
those bites.
Got six packs of those bites, dude.
Of, uh, Butterfinger bites, bro.
Damn, dude.
You'd have something, dude.
If your stepdad had two things of freaking bites, he'd fucking wake his ass up.
Get the fuck up, Stanley.
Get up, Darren.
Get up, bitch.
I want them bites, dog.
I want them bites.
When them bitches hit the scene, bro, when bites hit the scene, when Butterfinger
bites hit the scene, bro, when Nestle bites.
God damn, dog.
You'd see people in their fucking backyards training their bulldog to go get
one.
Get that bitch.
Get that bitch, Reginald.
Get that bitch.
Get that bitch, boy.
Get that bite.
It's a different time, man.
Motherfuckers was amped.
And then they had the other candy.
It was like the last, I was like, the package just looks like kind of tropical
colors, like red and yellow and blue.
You're like, what is that, you know?
Yeah, so that was it, man.
That was it.
But it was just, yeah.
And the, oh, I took a picture of the people working in there and they got upset.
They said, you can't take pictures of the humans in there.
And they had a little spot at the back of the Blockbuster, you do a birthday in
there if you want.
Get your friends over there.
You know?
If you still got enough friends that'll come to a birthday that remember Blockbuster,
that's a little fucking, that's diced out.
And also at Blockbuster, you drove over there.
You had to get your mom to bring you over there.
She'd be out there smoking in the car.
She'd be out there smoking and yell something.
Get something good!
And you'd be in that bitch.
And a lot of times she gave you money to get a movie and you got a game.
That was crazy.
You brought that bitch back in.
Mom'd be like, what movie is it?
You'd be like, oh, oh, double dragging.
And then she beat your ass or something.
Or beat half your ass.
A smart mother leave you with half an ass to sit on.
I remember my mother whooped me so bad.
One time I had to ride home on all fours on the back seat.
Because I just had too much damage on my ass.
Too much ass damage.
Hope you enjoyed that video.
And you can watch another.
And you can watch this one.
You can watch this one.
Different options.
Different choices.
Some guy just brings you one option.
Not this guy.
Two options.
Watch one.
This one or this one.